It is not about them.

The abuse you endured is not about how THEY feel! THEY don’t want to hear the details. THEY think you should act a certain way. THEY think it happened, let it go. THEY put their feelings onto you and then you have to deal with their feelings as well as your own.

As a survivor of sexual abuse I can  say with certainty that you absolutely cannot bear the burden of THEM.

So if I may give advice to any THEMS of the world:

  1. Do not judge us.
  2. Do not make excuses.
  3. Do not blame us.
  4. Do not put your feelings on us.
  5. Do not expect us to feel sorry for you because you feel sorry for us.
  6. Do not ask us why.
  7. Do not question us.

And for US…..

  1. Do not let them judge.
  2. Do not let them make excuses.
  3. Do not let them blame.
  4. Do not them burden you with their feelings
  5. Do not let them act like a victim when they are not.
  6. Do not feel you have to defend yourself or explain the why of anything.
  7. Do not answer any questions you feel are not asked out of empathy and love.
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