The abuse you endured is not about how THEY feel! THEY don’t want to hear the details. THEY think you should act a certain way. THEY think it happened, let it go. THEY put their feelings onto you and then you have to deal with their feelings as well as your own.
As a survivor of sexual abuse I can say with certainty that you absolutely cannot bear the burden of THEM.
So if I may give advice to any THEMS of the world:
- Do not judge us.
- Do not make excuses.
- Do not blame us.
- Do not put your feelings on us.
- Do not expect us to feel sorry for you because you feel sorry for us.
- Do not ask us why.
- Do not question us.
And for US…..
- Do not let them judge.
- Do not let them make excuses.
- Do not let them blame.
- Do not them burden you with their feelings
- Do not let them act like a victim when they are not.
- Do not feel you have to defend yourself or explain the why of anything.
- Do not answer any questions you feel are not asked out of empathy and love.