When I don’t take my own advice

I have been through so much. I know the right thing to do. I know the best healing path. I know it because I have lived it. I know the things that can hurt me and the things that can further me into a good place.

But it is hard sometimes to take my own advice. It is hard because my cellular memory does not cooperate with my brain. Some guy comes along and says something inappropriate and I KNOW what to do. I know what the right thing to do is and what the correct words are. I know the way to respond that will give me a feeling of self love and self validation. But the cellular memory seems to over power my brains advice. And I do nothing.

It is hard to undo a traumatic event. It is so hard. What your body, mind, and spirit, did to survive is what your body mind and spirit naturally go back to as a mechanism.Not all the time. But sometimes.Usually when someone catches you off guard. Which is what manipulators and sociopaths do. And when that happens we are often brought to a place where we know what to do but can’t.

So I have quick advice to give here on this short little blog. When you cannot take your own advice, then you need someone else who will help be your advocate. You cannot always do it alone and that is OK. You don’t have to prove anything to yourself. You just have to make sure the truth is always told. And that may be from a friend who can help you.

I know the solutions to so many feelings that go along with abuse. But when my body does not cooperate with my mind, I have to call in a friend. I had to do it alone as a child. But things are different now. You don’t have to be alone. There are people who will help you to be strong when you don’t feel like you can do it alone.

So don’t beat yourself up. Just call a friend. You don’t have to do this alone anymore.

7 thoughts on “When I don’t take my own advice

  1. Your post helped make me feel a bit better about myself. There are times when I don’t do what I know I “should” do and I can beat myself up for it. Like, for example: when the male yoga instructor says “raise your hand if you do not want any hands on adjustments” and I don’t raise my hand even though it doesn’t feel right to me when he makes hands on adjustments to my poses. You’re right; the cellular conditioning kicks in before the wise mind does. My body knows compliance better than it knows protection and self-assertion. However, I WILL put my hand up next time. Every day, I am getting better and better…. A.

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  2. Thank you for this. It is something I’m coming to terms with at a very late stage. The fact that the body has a memory of it’s own … Most women have been taught compliance – it’s going to take a long time to heal the personal and collective trauma.

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    • It is why I wrote the book of poetry My Body Speaks. I realized that my body remembers everything and I needed to write about the depths that that trauma went. Trauma is so complex and so hard to trudge through the healing process. I wish it was linear and just moved forward better and better each day but there are setbacks and the struggle is sometimes overwhelming. But I understand where you are as I am there myself.

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      • I went through what has happened to me now in the last ten days or so, having to look at things again as healing just wasn’t happening. Our biggest wish is for it all to just disappear and go away so we can feel like we’re people too. Having read Nan’s Fallout, I now realise it is something one is going to have to live with for the rest of one’s life, like a defacing scar that’s visible for all to see. So one may as well talk about it. I admire your courage to speak your truth. That said, it’s somehow liberating to realise other’s experience and that is the way it is. A terrible thing to have to come to terms with.

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      • That is very true. Very honest. I agree with Nan that it just is something that is part of us. I know I will never fully recover from what has happened. There will always be bits and pieces of residue that come out in PTSD and nightmares. For a long time I pretended like I was okay. I couldn’t really face the stigma of saying that I wasn’t. But I can clearly state that I am not okay from what happened to me. I am working through it, going to therapy, and hoping that the residue from it all lessens over time. But I know a part of me will always remember. I think it is great to see so many people willing to speak about what happened to them and speak about how they have coped and how they haven’t coped. The more we talk about it the more it becomes real and others can no longer deny us and what has happened to us. I’m honestly glad that we have come together in this blogging community and can be so supportive and understanding. It is more than I have ever received from any one person in my life other than my husband.

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      • Me too. To be able to talk and not have people turn away from one in disgust, discomfort, dismissal, is a relief! I’ve tried ignoring what happened but it is not to be. The comfort of others’ voices supports one through a very difficult process.

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