I have had many people say, ” How can God let this happen…Where was God?”
God has always been present in my life.
Why did he let this happen? I don’t know.
Why does he let people suffer? I don’t know.
I DO know there was one time when the ski coach was abusing me and his wife came home from work. I have no idea what would have happened had she not come home. When I was in CostaRica and a man was abusing me, someone came in and interrupted it so it stopped. The abuse was stopped. God set that up!
I DO know there have been many people who showed up at just the right time that I needed and I credit God for that.
When I was sent to a mental hospital after attempting suicide…that was a scary place to go. I walked in while everyone was having lunch. I got my lunch tray and sat down. No one said a word to me. Then came Zack. Sat right across from me. We had an instant connection. He helped me through the stay at that hospital. On a particularly bad day he held my hand and let me rest my head on his shoulder He made me feel like everything would be OK. We remained friends after for some time. Then we lost contact. I recently saw him on the internet. Apparently he went on to be a famous chef and photographer! I smile everytime I think of him. I am SURE God sent him to me at that time. God set that up!
About 20 years ago I was feeling lost again. I was friends with this great guy at the time. I drove to the park and sat there in the middle of the night praying God would help guide me. Up drove the great guy, in the middle of the night, to the park. He got out of his car and walked up to me and hugged me. I cannot explain it any other way. But God brought my husband to me that night. God set that up!
When I attempted suicide, God brought Greg to save me.
When I was feeling hopeless and alone, God brought me TJ to be my life long friend.
When I needed someone who really understood, God sent me Laura.
My daughter became sick almost 2 years ago. She needed a homebound teacher. A teacher from the school volunteered. She not only taught my daughter but became an inspirational and empathetic loving person in her life. I know God set that up!
When I was at one of my all time lows, God brought me Patti.
Some of these people are still in my life. Some came for that moment and moved on in their life. I think certain people may be meant for certain times. Instead of feeling upset that a friendship just didn’t work out I like to think that they had a purpose at that time and now that purpose is complete.
When someone wants to know why I think God has let me suffer, I don’t answer their question. It is OK to not always answer people’s questions.They may be putting their question on you when it has to do with them. It is really not a question someone else should be asking. If they are concerned about God’s purpose then they need to apply that to themself and work through those issues without putting it on you. If you want to ask, why did God let me suffer, then that is completely different. I see nothing wrong with asking big questions. I talk to God all the time about everything. Instead of questioning God though I choose to reword it. ” I am not happy that I am suffering, but I know you are there.” That makes me feel a lot better than, ” Why are you doing this to me God?”
We all have our own spirituality. We may have different religions. We may have different beliefs all together.
I am sure if someone I loved were abused or raped I would be pretty mad that God didn’t stop it. Just like there are those mad that there is hunger, or there are atrocities beyond comprehension. I’ve heard people say, ” How can God let a child die of hunger?”
But I would rather be mad at the man that did the abusing instead of God. I would rather be mad at the world that allows a child to die of hunger.
I would rather save my mad for the individuals that could have prevented the bad. I don’t blame God for bad.I don’t want to use my time here on earth being mad at God.
I choose to save blaming God for all the good. And that is just me. I don’t want to push my beliefs on anyone or expect anyone to see things the way I do. I am just sharing how I feel.
I would rather see God in all of the friends He has brought to my life just when I needed them. I saw God in the birth of my child. I saw God in the embrace from my husband last night. I saw God when my mother in law looked at her son lovingly yesterday on his birthday.
I see God in the good and I thank him for that.
I don’t believe He causes us to suffer. I certainly wish He could stop it. I don’t claim to understand how things work.
I have an open conversation with Him about everything. Some days I tell Him I am mad that He hasn’t fixed my daughter’s illness. But then I pray He sends us to the right people that will. I don’t blame Him for her being ill but I have been mad that He didn’t fix it!
I think it is OK to be mad. It is OK to be angry that we have suffered. That any of us suffer.
But for me, I’m just glad that while I cannot always control the circumstance, I can choose to reach out to God and allow Him to help me through the healing.
Recovering from sexual abuse is a process. In recovering, seeing the good, is seeing God. Even if it is the smallest of small things, If in that moment it made me feel hopeful, I know God set that up.