David Bloomquist was my best friend’s husband. Throughout 8 or so years his wife Holly and I saw each other on a weekly basis. I thought of her as quite the phenomenal woman. She did wild life rescue and rehab and taught me incredible ways to save animals. She and her husband had a 10 acre beautiful wooded piece of property with fruit trees, vegetable and fruit gardens, and horses. It was a dream for my daughter (who was 2 at the time) and me when we first met them. We became very close friends and it was very common for us to be at her house 3-4 nights a week. We made fresh salads from her gardens and my daughter was riding a horse bareback by the age of 3. Even when she was at work she allowed my daughter and me to come to her house and enjoy the raw nature of it all. I was working on my ministry license/chaplain program at the time and she let me use her computer every day for months to do the lessons. Holly’s house was like my second home. When we weren’t at her house we were at her sister’s house. Her sister lived about 40 minutes away had an even bigger farm. I adored her sister too. She spent time teaching my daughter how to ride horses. We often went to her house at feeding time so my daughter and I could help feed the bunnies, emus, horses, pig, and turkey. Next door to her lived a man named Ray. He had 100 acres. Between Holly and her sister, and her sister’s neighbor Ray, we had hundreds of acres to just roam free on. I thought I was giving my daughter the perfect way to grow up. My husband worked evening shift at the time so we were often at either farm. I trusted Holly. I loved her.
As the years went by Holly thought of us, and treated us like family She treated my daughter like her own child. We even discussed her will and the possibility of her leaving her property to us if anything ever happened to them. Her husband David was a recluse. He lived in the garage. The garage was quite a set up with a huge screen TV and everything one would need to live comfortably. When my daughter and I were there in the house David often would only briefly come in to say hello. He started spending more time with us as time went on. He often spoke to me when I was there alone working on their computer when his wife was at work. He told me stories about his childhood and how he contracted polio. He showed me his atrophied leg. He often told me that one day he would no longer be able to do the things he loved due to the polio in his leg. He frequently told me this story of his declining leg and his weakened body. Very often he told me his fears of never flying a plane again, driving a car, or even walking. He started opening up about his marriage and why he was in the garage. He said he wasn’t in love with Holly anymore. I spent a few hours telling him why he should be in love with her.I wanted to help them. I tried as her friend to help them.
The night that David trapped me in his garage and tried to force himself on me is something that I do not often think about anymore. I don’t think of the details. I think about what came after. I DO think about the reactions of what I call his little puppets. All of the weak women that surrounded him. All these women caused me great pain and suffering.
These two women: My best friend and her sister. Both of them blamed me. Both of them accused me. Holly referenced his weak leg due to his polio and how I should have fought him off. Her sister accused me of wearing provocative clothing that must have instigated the whole thing. These two women CHOSE the bad guy. They defended the bad guy, and made excuses for him.
HE did was what the monsters do. But what THEY did seems equally as bad. They are monsters too. For many reasons: 1. These women, with their actions towards me, excused his behavior to him. 2. These women, by their actions, told him that his behavior was OK. 3. They told him that HE was okay. 4. They told him that HE, even in his criminal act, was far more valuable than I was. 5. They showed me that I was not worthy of being fought for. 6. They showed me I was not worth defending. 7. They supported a criminal and facilitated an environment where HE felt safe continuing on hurting other women.
The reasons that women give for staying with sex offenders disgusts me. I have heard the argument from my friend. ” He won’t do it again….He was hurting…It was a mistake…He just really liked you…He needs you to forgive him…” This is just minor compared to the other women who must endure abuse within their own families. A child who’s mother will stay with her father that raped her. We must forgive them they say. They are deep down good men they say. And the message that I give these women is …YOU ARE A MONSTER TOO. There are NO excuses why a woman would EVER stay with a man who has sexually abused another person. There are NO reasons why a wife should stay with her husband after he molested their child, raped another woman, etc. Because when these women stay the cycle continues. These women allow the monsters to continue. These women help the monster to grow.
IT WILL TAKE THE WOMEN TO BREAK THE CYCLE!
David Bloomquist admitted to what he did to me to his wife Holly and she stayed. Do you know what that told his mind. That he could do whatever he wanted to anyone he wanted and his wife would stay. Holly’s sister sat me down and told me that David had done something similar to her and she suspected he had done something to her daughter when she was younger. “He’s family,” she said. Hmm. Family means it is ok to have someone molest your daughter. ” One day he won’t even be able to walk,” they told me. Soooo I am supposed sympathize with a sex offender because one day he MAY not be able to walk. We just won’t focus on the fact that he terrorized me in his garage for an hour.
Years later I saw him in the grocery store. I was in my motorized scooter due to the progression of my muscle disease. HE was still walking and driving. His story…was just a story….He must have used that ” One day I won’t be able to walk,” on hundreds of women. I am not the only woman. He was a professor at the University of Florida. Does anyone really think I am the only woman he did this to? Absolutely not!
I gave the back story because I feel it is an important part of the story. I became comfortable with this family. I felt safe. I brought my daughter into this family. I completely let my guard down. Men like David count on this. It took him 8 years to attack me. 8 years. He waited. I thank God that it was not my daughter and that it was me. But it could have just as easily been her.
Could he have been stopped? The answer is yes. You cannot stop a monster with complacency. How many along the way could have stopped him. I’m guessing he should have been in jail years prior. But women don’t support other women. The justice system is not always a simple thing to navigate after you’ve been attacked. I waited 3 days before I told anyone. I am just a house wife. He is a Professor at the University of Florida. It would have been hard to fight on my own, already wounded. Had his wife and her sister supported me it would have been doable. Put all negatives of that together and you have a growing beast on the loose. The beast will surround themselves with all their little puppets who they know will bow to them and follow them and never lead. But as women we should be stronger than that. Holly should have been stronger. It is disgraceful that Holly stayed with her husband. I am ashamed of her. I am disheartened and broken hearted by her. It is women like her that allow the David Bloomquists of the world to grow in their power. Am I blaming Holly? Yes. I am. The women who support these sex offenders I blame equally.
I am not saying that Holly and her sister could have stopped him from ever hurting another woman again. But I am saying they could have chosen not to contribute to it. Not to mention they could have helped my healing process immensely.
It is so simple. There is no excuse for what a sex offender does. If you are a woman and you are making excuses for a sex offender then you are also a monster. Don’t be one of these women. You can choose not to. Choose our child. Choose your friend. Choose the innocent. Don’t be another puppet of another David Bloomquist. Break the cycle. Do it now. Other women can’t afford you not to.