Putting things in the correct context.

Billy- is a child molester. I painted that on the ski jump on our lake when I was a little girl. When I knew that no one would protect all of the other girls, and when I knew that no one on our ski team would stand behind me. I tried to warn the other parents. I tried to warn the other children. I tried to make it known to all the people living on the lake that this man was not to be trusted. After my parents chose to let my brother stay with the ski club and the man who molested me, they sent a very clear message…We do not believe our daughter. Years later, when my father saw the man who molested me in  our small town restaurant, and my father shook his hand, he sent a clear message…We STILL do not believe our daughter.

I thought this morning about everyone involved in my story. I thought about everyone involved in my childhood. Then I thought about HIM. His wife stood by him. Every member of the ski team stood by him. He had devoted friends and family who stood by him. A child molester. I may have not shared every single detail of what that man did to me when I was a little girl, but it was very well known I had been abused. It was written on the ski jump. What more needed to be said other than Billy Banks is a child molester. Yet, everyone in our life chose him. Chose to keep on living the same way they had been living completely discounting that tragedy that happened right beneath their noses.

Think about all the mothers who stand by their sons who are murderers. Think about all the mothers who stand by their sons who are rapists. Think about all the wives who stay with their husbands after their husbands rape their own child. Think about all of the women who stand by the men that are true abominations! Women who will visit their sons or husbands in prison after they have committed heinous crimes.

I’ve never hurt anything in my entire life. I will try tirelessly to save a tree frog that has found it’s way into my home. I catch spiders and release them. I rescue animals that have been abused. I don’t have a malicious bone in my body. My intent is pure. It always has been. I was a victim of many many crimes. I was the victim. I know the importance of stating that we are survivors and not focusing on the fact that we were victims. But I was a victim. I was a little girl who was the victim of a child molester.

It is a sad realization when a victim realizes that the perpetrator has received more loyalty than she has. What of those who support the rapists and the child molesters? What does it say about the wives who stay with their husbands after their husband rapes their child? They are a disgrace to humanity. They are pathetic, weak individuals with no morals and no character. They allow the cycle of violence to continue and the number of victims to increase. They are a willing contributing part of the abuse that will continue.

Put in the correct context; If a child molester’s wife can stand by his side, what does that then say about my family who did not and does not stand by me?

7 thoughts on “Putting things in the correct context.

  1. Wow. I can totally relate. My mother has chosen her husband over me. Now, instead of losing 1 parent in my life; I have lost both. Even the justice system has let me down. All that being told… I refuse to allow any one person to hold me back from healing. Good on you for staying resolved to heal. Great post! Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hate to hear that she chose him. You are worth being validated and supported and CHOSEN. Losing both seems the ultimate betrayal. They chose wrong. You deserved better. You and I both will just keep moving forward because those people are not worth hindering our healing process or holding us back any longer! Thank you for your thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Bethany, this makes me cry for you! This is a huge part of why it is often so difficult to move forward. I can relate so much to this. The wife of the therapist who raped me worked for the Rape Crisis Center. She didn’t care about what he did to me or those before me. He even used this as a means to get me to trust him, that he understood the effects of the sexual abuse I suffered. I had to sit in a room with both of them and two attorneys while he blamed me for what he did to me. It has left a deep, deep wound inside of me. I had no one in my life at the time to be there with me. It played a huge part in me isolating myself. Losing my family and friends has been very devastating for me. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for you to have told your parents and them not support you. And you did the right thing telling! They did the wrong thing in their response! The pain must run so deep! I believe you Bethany!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think my mom thought she did the best she could by taking me to therapy when I was 14. She didn’t realize that staying there on the lake with the abuser and letting my brother continue to be a part of his life was devastating for me. At 14 it is hard to realize how stupid other people’s decisions are. Now I see them as absurd. Then as a 43 year old telling my family everything and losing everyone has been doubly devastating. The pain has turned to disgust in how pathetic they all are for not supporting me in my greatest times of need. Thank you for believing me. THank you for validating what I have been through. Thank you for reading and listening. IT is a life of losing, then losing again, then losing some more. BUT I still believe I have gained. I have lost my family but my husband has grown in his respect for me and other people have shown their support, like you, and other friends that I didn’t even really know the depth of their love for me. Had my family never left, I would not have known this could even exist, this honesty, this truth, this no more secret life.
      I know what it feels like to be blamed and backed into a corner with nowhere to go and no one to save you from the abuser. It is awful, just awful that you experienced that and my heart goes out to you!

      Liked by 1 person

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