The bitch factor.


I cannot tell you how many times I have heard, “She is such a bitch.”
Is she really a bitch though?
How about, ” She is very strong in her convictions.”
How about,” She isn’t letting people trample her anymore.”
Maybe, ” She is finally letting out what she has kept in for years.”
Even, ” I am glad she is finally standing up for herself and allowing herself to feel.”
And better, ” She has every right to say and be exactly how she is, you just don’t want to hear it.”
Why is she being perceived as a bitch? Why is it so easy to let that vile word roll off the tongue?
Is it because of what she is saying or doing or is it because of how that makes someone else feel? Is it all just misconceived perception? If you are wrong, and she doesn’t accept that, she is then a bitch?
I’ve often seen a woman pushed into a corner and and when she fights back then it doesnt make the  pusher feel very good to have her not submissive. The pusher will always be the accuser of the so called bitch.

If the elevator opens and a man is the only person in it, I let the doors close, and he calls me a bitch, does that make me one? No.but he seems to think so.
If I am seen raising my voice to a crossing guard as I grab my child’s hand and cross the road, as she calls me a bitch, does that make me one? No. The onlooker may think so.
If I hang up on a friend, If I get up and walk out in the middle of dinner, if I end a friendship, if I don’t let someone hug me, am a bitch then? No.
I don’t get on the elevator because I had an instinct about the man in it, Or I was simply scared of being alone with a man, wouldnt  I just be human. If he judges me for that does it even matter? No.
I raised my voice at the crossing guard because she was on her cell phone and not watching the kids, aren’t I just being human. If the onlooker knew the full story wouod I still be the bitch? No.
I hung up on my friend because she said I wasn’t allowed to be angry at having Lyme disease, I’m only human, and not a bitch.
I ended a friendship because my friend continued to hurt me. I didn’t let someone hug me because they had perfume on and I’d just get a rash. Don’t all the scenarios  make me just a human being, and not a bitch? Yes, because I am  allowed to make choices and to feel without being called a bitch and so are you.

It is easy to throw out the word bitch. It is easy to say someone is acting like a bitch or listen to someone else accuse someone of being one just because they see a two minute interaction. When in reality we have no idea what transpired in that person’s mind or where she went with her emotions that landed her that title.

I am in no way making excuses for cruel or hateful behavior. That is never acceptable. What is the intent? Because I would venture a guess that most women that are called bitches are fighting a battle that noone knows anything about and their intent is only expressing pure emotion rooted in, most likely fear. Other times I believe she has chosen to not be vulnerable and in that moment she is judged by those who are.

Most of the times I have seen someone called a bitch it is not because they are doing something cruel OR hateful. That woman has many other reasons for behaving the way she is and most of the time it is justified.

My daughter has been called a bitch because a guy said something inappropriate and she called him out on it. He was being crude and she did not accept that. That somehow made HER the bitch! When I think of how it makes me feel to have my strong, independent, incredible daughter being called that it puts the word in perspective. It is a word tossed out by insecure people who don’t get their way. It is a word used to knock down, to separate, to degrade. It is clearly a reflection of the person saying the word and not at the person it is directed towards.

Women are expected in to be sweet, polite, and quiet. When we say no, we are a bitch. When we don’t cater to other’s feelings at the expense of our own, we are a bitch. When we stand up for ourselves, we are a bitch. When we don’t agree, we are a bitch.

BUT…we are NOT bitches. Some of us have some sharp edges. The edges are where the smooth got ripped apart. The edge is part survival and part injury and part this will never happen again. The edge is a strength that came out of a tragedy. The edge is our voice finally found. The edge is our protection. It is the, you will never shut me up again!
Some of us are simply strong women like my daughter, who listen to their instinct and stand up for what is right.

I wish I heard more, ” Good for you! I’ve got your back,” and ” I respect how you feel,” and ” You know what, you have the right to be angry right now.” More of lets stand together instead of lets rip each other down. Less judgment. More support.

If we took the bitch factor completely out what would we see?
The wounded?
The strong?
We would see the truth.
Which requires no label or name.
We should seek the truth in others
So that we could then more easily see it in ourselves.
Or rather, seek the truth in ourselves, so we could more easily be open to seeing it in others.
In that space, there are definitely no bitches.

5 thoughts on “The bitch factor.

  1. There are a lot of ways to keep women down, and that is one way; cruel, nasty labels, rather than the more accurate words which threaten the one spitting out the foul word—-strong, tough, assertive, no door mat, ambitious, powerful, self-assured…the list goes on.


  2. Oh you DID sound like you agreed! I was just thinking your comment summed up what I was trying to say but better!!! You have a way with words. Thank you for always reading my blogs and commenting. I aporeciate your support.

    Liked by 1 person

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