When I was a little girl I was known for my sleepwalking. When I spent the night at my nana’s house she would wake up with me in her closet. One morning I was in her clothes hamper in her closet. I was known to just up and walk out the front door with my parents watching tv. I was always sleepwalking. They always say don’t wake a sleepwalker. I guess it depends on what kind of sleepwalking you are doing. Sometimes you need to wake up!
It was the middle of the night, I was in my 30’s, and I woke up in my closet moving hangers with clothes on them. What IS IT with me and closets in my sleep!!! Then, again, in my 40’s I woke up to find myself trying to take the door off the hinges. This was particularly exciting due to the fact that I had been diagnosed with a muscle disease and had limited strength! But apparently when you are asleep you can just wander mindlessly, or have a strange intent to take a door off. Unlike when I was a child, as an adult I could wake up while sleepwalking.
I woke myself up. I was startled. To wake up not in your bed and not knowing how you got there is startling. But in that moment I took notice of everything around me. I was very aware that I was NOT where I was supposed to be, in my bed, but standing in the closet looking through my clothes. I was awake. Awake and aware. I did not like where I was. I wanted to be in my bed all cozy and safe and sleeping. But bam I was awake like a bolt and had no idea how I got there.
When I picture myself sleepwalking it reminds me of what I see in so many people who are awake but asleep. They are wide awake walking around through life but completely asleep to their life. Being completely asleep seems nice because you can dream and be oblivious to any sort of real reality. Being a sleepwalker through life seems mindless and effortless and…well…asleep. I don’t want to be a person who sleepwalks through life unaware of the things going on around me. Reality is harsh. it hits you like a bolt when you jar yourself into being truly awake. Reality is also filled with great love and beauty. I think the people who think they enjoy being disconnected are depriving themselves of their true potential.
I woke up. I was a life sleepwalker for many years. But I woke up. It wasn’t all cozy. It didn’t feel so safe. But I started living with purpose and intent. I started living in truth. It is startling. It is shocking. Sometimes I think it would be much easier to just have kept sleepwalking through my life. But that would have been an injustice to why God put me here. He didn’t want me to just sleepwalk my days away into oblivion. He has a purpose for me. He has a purpose for you. Wake up!