Why do I wake up every morning to a microwave that says :01?
Why is my dryer up on a huge wooden box?
when my husband came home yesterday and found me crying in the kitchen he wrapped his arms around me and stayed there until I stopped.
When I called him at work to tell him that a little wren had died and I did my best to bury her, he KNEW how upset I would be and just wrapped his arms around me.
When I told him I had a muscle disease, he wrapped his arms around me.
When we took our daughter to the emergency room 31 times, he was there, during her gallbladder surgery, he was there, holding my hand.
When I have nightmares, he is there, when I have flashbacks, he is there, when I have a panic, he is there.
I stopped being convenient to friends and family when I got this muscle disease. I stopped being able to drive, they stopped coming, because I was always the one who went. HE then started taking me to lunch to get me out of the house. He stayed. He always stays. He knows when I feel cooped up and he offers to take me anywhere. He knows me. He knows me even when I feel like I don’t know myself. He understands.
I stopped having a family when I stopped playing by their rules. He stayed by me. He loved me even more for it. But he still held me when I cried over the people that I didn’t even matter to.
Every birthday he buys me flowers to plant for my garden and he plants them for me because he knows I can nolonger plant but he doesn’t want to deprive me of that joy. He will even dig the hole and offer me to set the plant in the hole so I feel a part of it.
He carries me when he knows it is too far to walk and wants me to experience it but not be limited by my physical limitations. So he carries me where he thinks I want to go.
He holds me when I say I am crying about nothing because he knows I am crying about everything. He doesn’t ask questions. He is just there.
When he used to work all night and our daughter was still a baby, he would get home, take her from me without a word, and stay awake three more hours so that I could sleep three hours straight after being up off and on all night. He sacrificed getting sleep so I could.
Living with a person who has lost so much, my body, hair, independance, must be difficult, but you would never know by him. I get upset that my hair is falling out. He says my hair is still beautiful to him. I get upset because I have gained weight, he says I look more beautiful than when he first met me.
When he notices my fingers are curling up again, he just reaches over and massages them until they can be straightened again. When he sees me limping on my left leg, he waits until I sit and rubs my left leg. When he sees me rubbing my own right shoulder, he switches my hand with his, then gets me an ice pack. No words.
I decided to start cooking part way into our marriage. I made the most awful fish. I took one bite and spit it out. He gagged when he ate it. But he ate the entire thing. He said if I took the time to make it then he could eat it.
When I had the grand mal seizure, he didn’t leave me. He sat right next to me until we went home from the hospital, then he washed my hair for me and put me to bed.
I still have a note he left on my windshield when I was volunteering for nursing homes. He was driving home and saw my car and wrote me the kindest note. I keep it in my wallet.
He brings me happiness on days that I would otherwise have none. By the little things. All the little things that I notice and don’t forget.
The dryer is up on that wooden block because he knew it was hurting me to bend over and pull the clothes out. He also knows I want to still be able to get the laundry. So he made it so I could.
The microwave says :01 because in the morning, when he makes his breakfast, if the microwave goes to zero it will beep. If it beeps it could wake me up. He doesn’t want to wake me up while he is getting ready for work in the morning because he knows how hard it is for me to sleep.
I see that :01 and know he thought of me when he was getting ready for work. I see the yellow flowers he put on the table after my dog passed away and know that he was trying to do anything possible to make me feel joy again. I see his work boots in the garage and know they are there because he knows I don’t want them in the house.
He loves me. I know he loves me not by the things that he says. Even though he tells me he loves me every day. I know he loves my by the things that he does. I know that he loves me by the way that he shows me. He has loved me through tragedy, abuse, constant muscle pain, seizures, and many many tears. He has loved me right through it.
I don’t need words. words in the past have been empty promises from people long gone. Words have been an empty gestrue of a facade of compassion that walk away and don’t turn back. Words can be powerful. Words can be empty. Words often require interpretation. Our love doesn’t need words.
Our love is deep. Our love is true. Our love is everlasting. I know this because I have a thousand more stories where my husband put me before he put himself, not to prove he loves me. Simply because he loves me. I know, I am loved. I feel, deeply loved. And for the first time in my life I have someone who has shown me every single day. He is the only person in the entire world that truly knows me. I am blessed beyond measure.