I wish that we could all come together and declare a war on all pedophiles. A fight to bring them down. A fight to right all the injustices. A battle to stop these injustices from ever happening again. It is a fight that all the little 8 year old boys and girls who are being molested cannot do alone. It is a fight that the teenage boys and girls being violently raped cannot do alone. The abused should NOT have to wage this war alone. But often times they are…all alone. They are left to struggle through emotions and pain they don’t even understand. They wander, confused, often down paths that hurt them even further. They even purposely hurt themselves. I can promise you that if the victims of abuse did not have to do this on their own, their healing time would be greatly diminished! Their futures would be brighter sooner. And hopelessness would not even be part of the equation. They stand there alone. Maybe a few will stand beside them.
There should be an ARMY of WARRIORS standing WITH them!
I had no base or foundation after I was abused. I had no knowledge of who I was. I had no grounding strength. I was only 15 years old. I wandered aimlessly for years through abusive relationships. I was stripped at a very early age of my dignity and I had no IDEA how to get it back. I was lost. I was broken. I was searching and I had no idea what I was even searching for. NO ONE should EVER feel this way! It is reprehensible that I have ever felt this way. It could have been completely avoided and prevented had I had people in my life willing to fight for me.
My mother tried. She reported the abuse against me to the authorities. For countless reasons I was unable to tell the authorities all of the details of what happened to me. Reasons abuse victims know all too well. Fear, shame, guilt..oh and again FEAR! I was weakened by years of abuse. I was a child. I was in pain. I needed help. I needed strength. I needed someone to FIGHT! And poof it was over. My mother tried. But that WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. After the authorities came and went, so did all logic. So did all truth. My family decided to live in a fake, cover up, go on living like this never happened world. I am not unique to this situation. I have read countless stories of children who are virtually abandoned by their parents. Now my parents will tell you they loved me, they paid for my schooling, they helped me pay my rent, they fed me, they tried. Emotional abandonment is abusive as well. I would have rather been homeless and supported, than fed and alone.
Do you know how to win against a pedophile? You NEVER GIVE UP! YOU NEVER STOP FIGHTING! In that fight you show your child they are WORTHY. In that fight you become the strength your child has had ripped from them.
A parent who has a child who has been molested absolutely must not give up. If you give up, your child will.
I am a living testament to that. I gave up over and over again because no one gave me back my WILL! My will was taken from me. I was left empty of direction. I was left empty of life.I was literally a lifeless being floating through life. I needed a parent to BE that direction. The man who molested me was a pilot. He was also the head guy on our ski team on the lake we lived on. He lived directly across the lake from us. I had the continued suffering inflicted upon me to watch this pedophile continue on with his life like he never took part of my life from me, day in and day out. Do you have any idea how it felt to have my twin brother still allowed to ski on the ski team with the man who molested me???!!! My parents CHOSE THAT. That choice hurt enough to make me attempt suicide.Do you have any idea how it felt to have to live on that lake and watch my twin brother in the same boat with the pedophile that molested me? Enough to attempt suicide AGAIN! Do you know how it felt to have my father shake the man’s hand that molested me? With the excuse my father just didn’t know what else he could do? It made me feel worthless. Do you have any idea the significance of feeling worthless? The choices that follow are dangerous, damaging, and deadly. Then to know that other people in that town supported this man who molested me, at such a young age nearly killed me. Don’t they realize that Billy is STILL molesting children? Are they so ignorant to think that it was only me! That man is still damaging children in ways that it takes a lifetime to repair and NO ONE has done a THING about it. Because……they are all cowards. Every last one of them. Cowards. And cowards fail in a war against pedophiles. I am an adult woman who still has nightmares about the fear and helplessness that the abuse caused. I have PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks all results from abuse and a family who chose to live a lie. My brother just decided a few years ago to not ride in the boat with Billy anymore. We are 44 years old. This is too little and way too late. My family has told other family members that the ball is in my court as to mending our relationship. A relationship that stalled because I chose to finally tell the truth. A relationship that then was destroyed by my family’s inability to even acknowledge what was done to me. This is appalling to me. There IS NO BALL. There IS NO COURT! There is a little girl, me, and my family who did nothing to repair what was done to me, who grew into a 44 year old woman, who now is repairing herself. They NEVER EVER fought for me. They rolled over and played dead while their daughter fought to stay alive.
I share my story because I am an example of what happens when a family leaves a little girl to walk the road of recovery alone. I am wounded. I am hurt. And they STILL cannot accept or acknowledge their role in any of that and their role was HUGE. It was everything. It was the difference in a life long struggle versus peace and security.
My parents and my family utterly and completely failed me. They failed me then and they are still failing me.
So if your child is abused, molested or raped, know this…You as a parent have a choice to make. That choice will either save your child or it will absolutely destroy their chances of healing anytime soon, if ever. If nothing else it will postpone their very existence until they are much older and able to regain strength on their own. When I say “existence” I mean having the will to live and experience joy on this earth again.
Be your child’s advocate. Be your child’s voice.
If you hit a brick wall, keep trying. If your child cannot find the words, help them find a person who will. Search until you find the right person your child feels comfortable with to speak to. Your job is to make your child feel heard. Your job is to make your child feel safe. At whatever cost. Hold them. Hold their hand. Ask them what you can do to make them feel safe. They may not be able to tell you. they may not know. They are a child. They may need you to make every single decision for a long time after. Sit with them until the fall asleep. Validate. Acknowledge. Do whatever it takes to allow your child to feel like a child again. At whatever sacrifice you have to make. MAKE IT! If it means moving, then move. If you want your child to not only heal, but to thrive and be victorious over this abuse, it all starts with YOU. You have a choice. If you make the right one, your child will know he or she is loved. They will know they are safe, believed, and worthy. Tell them they are loved and worthy. Tell them you are so sorry that this happened to them. Tell them over and over again that you will not abandon them. They will then know that you value them over everything else. In that alone, they will find their will again. That will turns into hope. That hope turns into healing. That healing turns into regaining strength and dignity that was lost. All meaning for your child will be restored. We simply cannot live without meaning. If we do it is an empty life. Fill your child up with so much love there will be no ROOM for emptiness. A lot has been stolen. It will take a lot more than you think to make them feel whole again. But they are worth it.
It is up to you. Please. I implore you. Fight for your child. Never give up. If you give up, then they feel like I have felt. They will feel the war was lost, and the child molester won.
Let us fight a battle against these pedophiles. You take away an abuser’s power when you EMPOWER the victim. Your children are too tired to fight.
They already had to go through abuse alone, don’t make them go through what happens after alone too.
Fight for them.
Their lives depend on it.
Their futures depend on it.
Sincerely, In hope for children everywhere,