Abuse

Sexual assault, abuse, and the aftermath  poetry based on my own experiences.They are hard to write. They are hard to read. Imagine how hard to experience them. This is why no one should ever feel minimized again. No one should ever feel like they cannot be heard again. This is why we must have a voice and keep that voice. None of this should have happened. None of these experiences should have ever been. But they were. And I was silenced. And I never will be again. This is me. This is part of me. It always will be. It cannot be undone. But I can advocate for myself.  I can advocate for others. And I will never stop fighting for those who have lost their voice.

I’m too young.

Voices.
He’s off.
Drip
Drip
Drop
Oh no!
Make it stop
Scrubbing
Scrubbing
Won’t come off.
Do I hide?
Will they know?
Should I run?
Why did they let me come?
I’m too young.
I’m too young.
But you loved him
They said.
I so hate this day.
Burned in my brain.
Drip
Drip
Drop
Left a permanent stain.

Little Lamb

Little lamb little lamb where is your father now?
“He’s with the other sheep outside of town.”
Little lamb little lamb where is your mother then?
“She’s with the other sheep still inside the pen.”
Little lamb you’ve wandered into the world of men!
“I’m only scared of the wolves, that hide behind the trees,
And of the alligators in the water and the weeds.”
Oh little lamb don’t you know,
those aren’t the real monsters.
Little lamb I’m sorry but man is the one who slaughters.
” You can save me, wont you try, my family cannot see. Please don’t leave me all alone or man will devour me.”
Little lamb. Ah little lamb, too young, you’ll learn.
I’m only here to join the fun,
waiting patiently for my turn.
“The other sheep they’ll see me. I know they see the men!”
Little lamb, the other sheep look away and pretend.
They follow other sheep, it’s the way it’s always been.
” A Shepard, He has seen me, I knew I would be heard.
The Shepard will now slay you without a single word.”
I wished for this when I was just a little girl.
I wished for a savior amidst the savage world.
No one came but I survived to tell my story now.
I saved my self from all the monsters in that tiny town.

Jeff

I can do this
I can pretend.
This is a means to an end.
He offered.
It’s my choice right?
I’ll just pretend.
Rules made.
They took it from me.
I’ll get something back.
But no.
I don’t like this.
I’m feeling betrayed
By his game.
He’s like the others.
I’ve made a mistake.
It’s almost over
A little bit more.
I left.
Now I’m back.
I can hear again.
“Lets go have lunch now?”
He asks
I can pretend.
He just paid my rent.
But his breath lingers on my skin
It is rancid as him.
I pull down my skirt.
I can pretend.
I can pretend.
The choice an illusion
A rape
A prostitution.
He took the tiny piece I had left
That one little piece I had of my self.
Jeff, his name,
My insides cringe
They cramp at the memory
And pain.
I force the thought out if my mind
But it can never be erased.

 

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