Silent presence.

I hate throwing up. It is scary to me. It puts me in a vulnerable state. Who hasn’t been throwing up at least once in their life and thought for sure they were dying and would have done anything to make it stop?  There are those who will try to will the vomit to just go away. They will deep breathe and put a cool rag on their head and hope it stops. There are some that will say throwing up will make you feel better so they just let it flow. I am one of those deep breathe try to pray it away throw uppers. The last time I threw up a spaghetti noodle came out of my nose. It was by far my worst throw up ever. Once you throw something up you don’t want to eat it again for ages. I threw up a corn dog when I was.litle girl and still have not eaten a real corn dog since. If you have a bad association with something it is hard to try it again. You don’t want the memory, and you have an illogical fear that somehow that same food you threw up will make you throw up again. So you don’t eat it.  You don’t want anything at all to remind you of those moments you felt at your worst.

I was so sick last year throwing up noodles out of my nose that I barely remember anything about that 24 hours. I was laying on the bathroom floor and my husband came home with medicine for me. I absolutely could not get off the bathroom floor so he brought in my daughter’s trundle bed mattress into the bathroom and put me on it right next to the toilet. It was such a compassionate thing to do for me. It was comforting. He sat next to me for a very long time. He didn’t have to say anything. But he was there sitting next to me, by the bathroom toilet, showing kindness in my sickened vulnerable state. 

Sometimes, when we are feeling vulnerable, we don’t need someone to be strong for us. We don’t need someone to be angry for us. We don’t need someone to fight for us. Sometimes, we just need compassion. Sometimes, in our most vulnerable moments, we just need someone to sit on the floor with us so that we know we are not alone. A simple presence is all that is needed. Don’t underestimate the power of silent presence. The value of having someone just BE there when you are feeling vulnerable…It’s priceless.

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