A letter to all who choose to do nothing in the face of abuse,
I didn’t get to choose my story. Someone else wrote it for me. They came in, to each chapter of my book, and rewrote it. I didn’t get to choose.
My destiny was interrupted. My course was sabotaged. The lines in my purpose and will on each page and each moment of my life were crossed through. They were blacked out with a marker. My story was indefinitely interrupted and I had no choice.
I did not get a choice. Someone stole my story! They tore out pages I will never get back! I will never get back some of the things I have lost in my book of life. I will, for the rest of my life, try to smooth out the pages.
I was sacrificed. My childhood, my teenage years, were sacrificed for the pleasure of pedophiles. My worth was zero. My value, my dignity, my integrity, my identity was nothing. I did not matter. Men were willing to sacrifice me, for their own sick and monsterous acts. And my story is only a fraction of some of the other stories that I have heard from other abuse survivors. Some of the stories that have been entrusted to me go beyond the most evil and incomprehensible violence anyone could ever imagine. Their stories were interrupted.
I recently learned of sexual abuse in the military and I was floored. In my world that involved abuse it was limited to mostly childhood events. It hit me and knocked me back so much that I lost my breath. Men and women, fighting for our country, and they cannot escape the vile inhumane monsters of abuse. It is as if the monsters have infiltrated everything. They are everywhere. Are their cases prosecuted in the military? Does anyone believe them? Are there those in the chain of command that cover it up? If there is no justice in the military then is the corruption to far and too wide to conquer? How can a little girl get justice when a veteran cannot?
I will tell you how! That man that was drug away by other men and raped did not have a choice. That woman who was gang raped did not have a choice. That little girl who was molested did not have a choice. Do you think somehow they did? If so then you are half the problem. Do you think they didn’t scream loud enough, fight hard enough? Then you are half the problem. Those who question, are half of the problem. The other half of the problem is those who CHOOSE to do nothing. Not the perpetrators. I am talking about those who have knowledge of abuse and do NOTHING about it. And if you make excuses for THEM, then you are part of the first half of the problem, you are with that batch. I am perfectly aware that the sex offender is the MAIN criminal. But I also believe that those who sit by and do nothing are part of the victimization aftermath.
IF someone really wanted to even START justice they would make a choice. That choice would be to put the victim first. You GET to make a choice. You get to choose not to be friends with a rapist. You get to choose to fight the system and stand up for what is right. You get to make the tiniest choice to the biggest choice. By tiny I mean this: I was on Facebook looking at my family’s friend list the other day. Some of them are friends with people on the ski team that were an integral part of the abuse I endured. Delete them! Tiny things. Tiny is still important. Every choice you make big or small to support a victim is important.
How about seeing the ripple affect by choosing one act that will support a victim. See what happens in your life. See what happens in your soul. Then the big things. Are you part of the cover up? Are you still married to the man who raped your own daughter? Are you still married to the man that you KNOW molested me? Are you knowingly supporting a pedophile? Make a choice. Choose the victim.
I can’t imagine how it would feel to know people chose me. I cannot imagine it because it never happened. I was shocked at the few who stood by my side. I don’t know what it feels like to be fought for in a way that I deserve. Imagine if all of you who chose to stay with the man who abused me, instead chose me? You had a choice. You still do. I never did. I looked at those Facebook friends and thought, “wow, my childhood sacrificed wasn’t even worth a Facebook friend of my family.What kind of world are we living in?” We are living in a brutal world. We are living in a violent world. We are living in a world where somehow things have become so backwards that victims of sexual abuse are blamed, ignored, and discarded like trash. Because those who HAVE a choice, don’t choose the victim. They choose their job, their buddies, their family, their life UNINTERUPTED.
So you want to be allies with a sex offender. So you want to stay friends with one, and friends with his friends? So you want to keep sticking by a predator? I see many that are. And how lucky for you that you get that choice. Because of that choice YOU can now take on some of the blame for the injustice that was brought upon us. I put that blame back where it belongs, on you. Because if it weren’t for you, the sex offender wouldn’t win, wouldn’t survive, thrive, go on living like nothing has happened. Because you want to stay comfortable, we suffer. Because you are a coward, we suffer.
I didn’t get to write my story of my childhood. Pedophiles wrote it. Other victims of all ages who are used, abused, sold, held hostage, had their stories stolen. The life they were meant to be living, they are not. They are now, we are now, trying to mend, mostly on our own, because society does not want to hear our stories. Society doesn’t want to know about rape in the military. Society doesn’t want to change laws or persecute/prosecute the criminals of these horrific crimes. Society doesn’t want to know about the mutilations that still happen to little girls. Society is made up of millions of little YOUS. Millions that are sitting back with your glass of wine, watching your flat screen tv, and doing NOTHING. You get the luxury of choosing to do nothing.
I never had a choice. My life was sacrificed by a disgusting excuse for a human, before I even got a chance to live. There are thousands of MES. I would love the end of my book of life to say, ” All of those who previously did nothing, chose to finally take a stand. Because of that stand, now society as a whole has changed. Rape and sexual abuse are no longer tolerated or ignored. Society now fights for those who could not fight for themselves. Wrongs have been righted, criminals now prosecuted, and victims are now validated and supported.” That choice is up to you. You GET a choice. Make it matter. Do the right thing. It is never too late.