Obsessions. 

What do you obsess over?

I used to obsess over my dogs. They HAD to go for a long walk every day. They had to have back yard run around play time, front yard lay in the sun time. And rain or shine, had to go for a walk. I wanted to give them the best possible life. Aside from being home mostly 24/7 giving them constant attention, I had things I just had to do. One of my neighbor’s always laughed about when I took the dogs for a walk in a white rain coat in a huge storm. My rain coat was blowing in the wind and covered my electric wheelchair so they said from their house, in the pitch black dark, I looked like a ghost flying with two dogs running next to me. I could have the flu with a fever and still take the dogs for a walk. I was obsessed over making sure they were always happy. Is that such a bad thing? I suppose putting myself second to my dog’s happiness while walking them in the rain was an unhealthy obsessive choice, but otherwise, I was just obsessed over being a good pet owner. I’d still be obsessing over them but they have both passed away now.

I obsess over NOT having clutter. Which I can’t say is a trait most would say is bad. Nick knacks are the bane of my existence, ok that’s a little dramatic, but when I go to someone’s house and see all the little things on every counter I want to swoop them off into a drawer! 

I way obsess over my daughter. I obsess over making sure she is heard, listened to, comforted, loved, happy, and respected in all ways. I obsess over no harm coming to her. I never wanted her to go to sleep overs with people I didn’t know. I didn’t want her in a car with someone driving I didn’t know. I didn’t want her alone with the door closed with a boy or a girl even if I did know them. We had an open door policy and sleep overs happened here. Then after being overly protective I had to obsess over making sure she was balanced and didn’t feel she wasn’t experiencing life or that she didn’t feel sheltered. I wanted her to feel protected yet free. That is a hard balance but something I obsessed over for years. Now that she is 20, I have spent a year obsessing over her health. After 2 years of leaving it up to doctors to fix her and bouncing her around from one doctor to another JUST like me, I did not want her to have the same fate. I printed all the labs ever done on her. I researched so many illnesses that now if a medical show comes on TV I can diagnose in five minutes! Really. It’s pretty scary how well versed in diseases I am. But is that such a bad thing to obsess over? Trying to be your daughter’s advocate. Trying to protect and love and create balance in your child’s life. Is that so bad to obsess over? I guess if I were to lose myself and be unhealthily obsessed with one part or the other of her upbringing then that would be bad. But there are worse things than obsessing over your daughter’s health and happiness I’d say. 

I obsess over little trapped animals and setting them free. If it is something like a butterfly in a spider web, a tree frog in the house, a lizard in the car, I must set them free. 

I don’t obsess over my clothes. I wear clothes that are at least 20 years old. I have no desire to have new things whether it is new furniture or new shoes or new cabinets. I am perfectly comfortable with old and worn as long as it’s clean. 

I don’t obsess over other people’s judgment over me.

I don’t obsess over things I can’t change. 

I do obsess over germs. Having two of us sick makes me hyper vigilant over not having anything else on our plate. Is that a healthy obsession. I would say yes on a surface level. But the extent I take it is probably far over the top. The things that have been alcohol wiped are far to many to be numbered. I’ll have to ask my therapist if this would be listed as a normal healthy act or an over the top one. I’m in a bit of a gray area when it comes to illness, but I think I should be cut a little bit of slack since one touch of fabric softener gives me a rash, and one drop of cologne sends me into a PTSD breakdown. Me and alohol wipes is definitely a gray area of healthy versus unhealthy. 

I think we all have some healthy obsessions and we all may have a few unhealthy and slightly off balanced ones too. I try to stay balanced but I know I go overboard sometimes. When I do go overboard though it is out of love and a strong desire to protect. I don’t see this as a flaw. But I am flawed none the less. I am not perfect. I don’t always have the most patience. I don’t always choose the right words. But these are things I work on. As long as we are a work in progress and moving forward, then we are okay. The little things we obsess over could represent the best qualities or character a person could have. If it comes from a place of love and protection and wanting happiness for something or someone else it seems pretty good to me. 
Side note: I had to come back and edit this. When looking at a picture I took I TOTALLY forgot until I saw my quilt in the back ground that I am completely obsessed over quilts. I know that I have a quilt obsession so I just look and walk away, browse magazines, then toss in recycle bin. I do not indulge in my quilt obsession but I for sure have one! Although I only own one quilt. So this would qualify as a wishful obsession but not a compulsion where I follow through and buy the 45 quilts that I really really like!

5 thoughts on “Obsessions. 

  1. Interesting read, I find it’s a careful balance that’s required, not that I’ve been able to find that balance.
    My obsession has been planning and taking steps toward a better future. It is ironic, however, that it appears to have destroyed my present. Not the first time either.
    My other obsession is the understanding of interpersonal relationships and their dynamics. Which again, in persuit of this, it has appeared I’ve isolated myself.
    Both are useful tools for a healthy life but without the proper balance, it’s all fallen apart. Then again, perhaps there’s more to it.

    Like

    • Balance is key! Yet not always simple to find. I have to “check myself” frequently. I am intrigued by your obsession over dynamics in relationships. I too find that fascinating. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I kept wanting to replace the word obsessed with deeply concerned; a love for animals, a concern for all living things, and holding your daughter’s safety, health and happiness at thehighest priority. More humans should emulate you and the deep well of compassion you possess.

    Liked by 1 person

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