I was thinking last night about this word closure. In particular I was thinking about a local girl who was missing and finally found. She had been murdered. So the first thought is, ” Her family has closure.” They found her. They can put her to rest. But is there ever closure when a violent act has been committed. Will a family ever feel closure? They will miss their daughter forever. They will mourn her loss. Will putting her to rest give them closure? And what really IS closure?
If you google closure you will find words like : Conclusion. Resolution. Completed. Solved.
I thought closure meant: I’m ok now. I can move on now. I am at peace now.
My definition of closure is not the standard definition apparently. When I think of the term, “The family has closure.” I start thinking about finding a missing person, or having a criminal put in jail. Closure in that sense is more physical. A man was convicted. A person was found. But what of the heart? What of the person who has suffered the loss, suffered the knowledge their loved one was hurt, suffered through their own trauma, or witnessed a trauma?
Will justice bring closure to the heart?
If the man who molested me were put in jail right now, I would feel a sense of justice. If the man who attacked me 10 years ago were hit by a bus (sorry, that’s the first thing that came to mind), or beat up by my friend who was upset I got attacked (sorry, I guess my mind is going all revenge on me), then I would feel a sense of justice. But the crime has been done. Even if the crime is resolved, or justice is served, or even revenge for that matter, I don’t know that I would feel a sense of closure. Because closure for me means I am okay now. As much as I want justice to prevail and strongly believe that criminals need to be prosecuted and put in jail, I don’t know if that would give my heart closure. My heart still feels wounded because I am still wounded.
When I was thinking of the girl who was recently found, I kept thinking of the hearts of her parents. I’m sure that there was a sense of closure in finding her. The unknown is a horrible thing. So, knowing, would give a sense of closure. A sense of the common definition of solved. But will their hearts be okay? Will they ever be okay? Will they ever be at peace? I think of any parent who has lost a child tragically or any person who has suffered at the hands of a criminal and pedophile and my thoughts go to their hearts. My heart breaks for their hearts.
I have suffered through many traumas and I am still far from being okay, at peace, able to move on, or feeling any sort of resolution. So, I think closure for a heart should really be a definition completely separate from closure in general. “Solved” doesn’t fix a heart. A wounded heart takes time to mend. Even mended doesn’t mean healed. Some things I don’t think we can ever fully heal from in our hearts. Therefore, closure for the heart is most likely going to be a swinging door. Complete closure may not happen but there will hopefully be times when even if only temporarily, it has swing shut.