Facebook: my like/hate relationship

Here is MY Facebook profile page. 

So sweet. My daughter is my cover page and my daughter and me are my profile picture. I think my daughter is gorgeous so I put her on there as my cover page. She was having one of her good days, so when I see the picture I think of good. The profile picture, we were sitting outside and enjoying nature, another good day. Beneath those two things are my real life. I put my allergic reaction picture to educate those on multiple chemical sensitivities. Look at this lovely shot:


And below that I put pictures of us looking for dogs. My husband was right when he said I am 80% gray and thanks to this picture I very clearly see that!


Look at that sweet little face !!!!!!

And before that I share my life. Sometimes my daughter gives me a make over and we do cool shots like this:

 
And sometime I post pictures of the dogs we’ve had or advice on my muscle disease like this: Does anyone have any copies of pictures of their muscle biopsies with central core disease that I can compare mine to?


My Facebook reflects my real life. I have it to share my blog, ask for medical advice from those that have similar diseases, and stay in contact with the few cousins and friends from my past that live far away. But I’ve often wondered if they would make the effort to stay in contact with me if not for the ease of Facebook. Who would actually check in if not for the quick click of a like on Facebook or a quick message. I deleted my account for a month and I heard from 3 people. I have over 200 friends on Facebook. Maybe they should change the name from friends to people. Just people on Facebook. 

Is Facebook worth it?  The verdict is still out. I delete my account frequently because the banter and conflict on Facebook is pretty high. People use it for daily “rants” and step on those platforms behind those keyboards and say things they would NEVER say if they were face to face with anyone. In some ways Facebook helps give a voice to those without one. In other ways Facebook gives a voice to those who could benefit from utter silence. 

I don’t think that you can get a true picture of someone’s life by looking at their Facebook account. You may learn their political views, and see how good they look from filtered pictures. I KNOW some of the pages I look at literally hate their husbands yet they post pictures of flowers their husband got them and go on and on about how wonderful they are. It made me think of how it would be to create a Facebook account that really was just all perfect!! Just pictures of me after my daughter puts make up on me. Nothing about my health or loss of my dogs or my blog. Just happy flowers from my husband and pretty lipstick pictures. But I don’t live my life that way. Illusions don’t work for me. Real is all I can be. But most of Facebook is NOT real. Maybe those people post what they wish their life was all the time. Maybe for them Facebook is the closest thing they will ever get to the illusion of truly being happy and making people think they are. 

So tonight I did what would not be “in my best interest” or “healthy” in my therapist’s eyes. I decided to look and see what my old family was up to. What were THEY putting on Facebook. It ended up being healthier that I would have thought. It confirmed they are exactly the same people they were before. My cousin has a lovely picture up of her and my mother. My mother swore to never be on Facebook and my cousin rarely had a nice word to say about her. But there they were. My twin brother posted some random thing people post on Facebook that Facebook cannot copy anything they put, blah blah, that stupid conspiracy theory that people have to copy to their wall once a year. Under it my father misquoted a famous quote. “Nothing ventured, nothing lost.” My brother then felt his dad had his back and was like yeah. I oh so badly wanted to say, it’s NOTHING VENTURED NOTHING GAINED!!!! But I didn’t. That would be opening a door to people who on every other day have made me dead to them and therefore must be dead to me. My other brother is commenting on my twin brother’s page now. My twin brother wanted nothing to do with my older brother. I guess in all of their “coming together” after the loss of me, they have decided to be Facebook friends. My mom’s old husband even commented on my brother’s page that he learned of something by speaking to my father. My father and my mom’s other husband weren’t friends. Well I guess on Facebook they are. On Facebook my family puts up a great front. It makes me want to delete Facebook all together just because of what THEY make it stand for. How ironic though. Facebook depicts the real them which is everything I hate about Facebook. They ARE Facebook! They are the illusion. I see friends of mine that are friends with my dad knowing my father let me down and hurt me. I see illusion after lie after betrayal all on Facebook. They are the epitome of Facebook. I wasted a good hour of my life looking at their stuff. Looking at their likes.  Apparently they like the ski club. That one just killed me. Some are friends with ski club members who hurt and betrayed me. But ahhhh. It’s ok. It’s just Facebook right?

I tried to look at Facebook objectively. Dog rescues are on there, many health groups are on there, I shared all of the dogs we’ve looked at that needed homes incase anyone was interested. I suppose there is good and bad in all things and the good needs to outweigh the bad. 

As I scrolled through these comments and pictures that my old family put up I realized that Facebook is easy. It’s just easy. To make an effort, make a phone call, get in your car and drive to someone’s house , talk about the hard stuff, work through the hard stuff, is what someone who really loves you does. When you love someone it doesn’t have to be announced on Facebook to make it real. Facebook is just…..well….Facebook. 

 One of my best friends does not have a face book and guess what, she exists. My husband has no Facebook and he still exists. Just because it is on Facebook does not make it real. In fact. If anyone needs to be fact checking anything, it should be Facebook posters. Because from what I see most of it is just bullshit. 

I wish there were another social media forum that I could create called, “The real us”. 

It would be all of the positive support groups and advocates for those in need, animals, and children, and adults. It would be real life, real hopes, real dreams, real pictures. 

In the mean time, until my idea of a new social media is created, I will have to balance whether I truly think Facebook is a good thing for me, or a bad thing. Right now, I’m still on the fence. 

22 thoughts on “Facebook: my like/hate relationship

  1. I use Facebook to play my game (Family Farm). My therapist and psychiatrist think it’s a great idea because it keeps me from giving up and going to bed. Unfortunately, I find out family news (births, deaths, etc.) through Facebook…my phone never rings with a family member on the other end. I rarely post anything on Facebook, because honestly I don’t think anyone cares. If they do comment it’s usually negative. (For example: a couple years ago I posted that I was going for my third surgery – a hysterectomy – my aunt commented “Why so many surgeries lately? You just like surgery or something?”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When I was reading that you went on their pages, I was going, “No!!!!”, but then it turned out alright. You are beautiful, even with your hives. I am glad you have support. I am not on Facebook, and I am real. I guess it is like everything else; one must take the good, with the bad.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I discovered Facebook in the early days, around 2008 or thereabouts. It was great fun.

    Then my family of origin discovered Facebook, one by one. At first, I was very hopeful. We could get to know each in a whole new way.

    My “family” almost destroyed me all over again.

    To save my sanity and peace of mind, I went off of Facebook several years ago. I have only recently healed enough from the horrible soul annihilating experience, that I no longer feel triggered just by the sight of the ubiquitous FB logo.

    As for the things that you saw on your ex-family’s Facebook pages — “liking” the ski club, etc etc… they are so messed up. And they are so NOT your family.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are very wise and I appreciate you sharing that. I may need to remove myself from it too. I’d hate to go backwards as I am trying to move forward just because of Facebook. Thank you! Also, I’m very sorry that they nearly destroyed you again. I’m so glad you knew the boundaries to protect yourself and just got off of fb. Thanks again.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m very selective of who I am Facebook friends with. For a very long time, I had around 50 friends. I think it’s up closer to 80 now because of having had a few different school reunions and connecting to former classmates. But even with former classmates, I have since unfriended a few. Although, I have found out solely because of FB that a few former classmates have kids with issues similar to my son’s, and it’s nice to have that bond with someone who knows what it’s like to have a child with sensory processing issues and other things going on. I don’t have any qualms about unfriending someone. If someone becomes too annoying, they’re gone. I’ll use settings so I see some people’s posts less than others. And I try like hell to never vent on FB. That’s what my close girlfriends are for.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve blocked family members and my therapist’s family on Facebook so that if I am tempted to look them up, the block is an additional deterrent and reminder that looking up these people isn’t healthy for me.

    I quite agree the picture of your daughter on your Facebook page is beautiful ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

    • Thank you. I have to agree!!! My sweet girl is a gorgeous girl but what is so amazing about her is she is humble and kind and generous. Just all together a fantastic person.
      Blocking on Facebook. I have NO idea why I never did that . Thank you for that suggestion!

      Like

  6. Pingback: SURVIVOR’S SHOUT OUT!!! – SUMMER STARTS TO SHINE

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