I have no way to title this…

My therapist said I don’t have to remember everything to heal from it. That my mind blocked it out as a way of self protection.  

I have a nagging feeling. I feeling of unease. 

It is as if there is maybe a monster under the bed. But maybe there is not. It could  pop out at any moment. 

There is a memory. Right under the surface. I know it will come. Waiting for it to come creates large amounts of anxiety. 

It is a great thought that I would not actually have to remember everything to heal from it. But what if I remember anyway. 

What happens when the block is lifted and the monster comes out?

He’s coming for me, that I know. I just don’t know when. But I feel him creeping ever closer. A hand is coming out from under the bed….I’m just waiting to see whose face it is. 

8 thoughts on “I have no way to title this…

  1. Please do not live like that. I remember just about nothing, until I was 11 years old. I remember all the times I was in an ambulance, or in the hospital(I was a gigantic tomboy with NO fear). Anyway, we moved about 60 miles away, and my memories begin. I know something happened; this is the brain’s way of protecting itself, but I am not afraid of it any longer. I am 48, and figure that my brain is going to protect this for the rest of my life; which is fine-by-me. I have had thousands of hours of therapy, and it has yet to surface. I honestly do not think these will surface in me; and maybe not in you, either. I have no idea if that was of use, but I hope that it did not hurt you any further.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Very helpful . Thank you for sharing your experience. I know some things won’t come back and I am fine with that. But there is something. I keep getting tiny memories every day and little dreams and I just have this uneasy feeling about it. I will talk about to morrow in therapy but i woke up and remember something but not a face that I had no memory of before and it made me feel just sick all day. You and I are about the same age.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Having new memories surface is terrible. I experience mine pieces at a time until finally I have the entire thing. I hate them and I wish every day I would stop remembering but my therapists tell me my brain has to unburden itself of them for me to heal.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Pingback: Repressed Memories – A Blog About Healing From PTSD

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