Pedophile or sex offender makes no difference to me. 

Someone commented on my blog that there is a difference in a pedophile and a child molester/sex offender because a pedophile may have thoughts but does not go through with actions. I have thought about this comment for over a week now even though I can’t remember who posted it. This isn’t about the post or the poster. This is about the feeling it evoked in me about the subject. I even looked up in the DSM-5 on the definition of a pedophile:

DSM-5 states that an indicator of a Pedophilic Disorder would be that an individual has “acted on” his sexual urges (Ref. 1, p 697). “Acted on” could mean that he has actually molested a child. On the other hand, it could also mean that he has masturbated to pedophilic fantasies or that he has viewed child pornography. The current criteria for diagnosing a Pedophilic Disorder place some persons who have never molested a child into the same diagnostic category as those who have done so. That could cause confusion, suggesting that the current definition of a Pedophilic Disorder may lack adequate diagnostic specificity. As a consequence, the distinction between being sexually attracted to children in some fashion (e.g., experiencing urges to view child pornography) and experiencing urges to act on that attraction with a child can easily be lost.

Pedophile may not be a term that law enforcement uses when prosecuting,and the state statutes may not have this word either. I understand that when a person commits a sexual crime against a child it is called rape or the person is labeled a sex offender. The term pedophile may be a person who has acted on these urges towards a child OR a pedophile can be a person who has “masturbated to child pornography.” Maybe even has thought sexually about a child but hasn’t acted on it. 

I don’t care how a pedophile is labeled. Anyone who fantasizes sexually about a child is “labeled” for me a sadistic criminal who I have no empathy or compassion towards. 

Some may say this is a callous thing to remark on. If someone has, so I have heard said, an “illness” and has not acted on it then they just need help. For the record:

I don’t believe pedophiles or sex offenders can be rehabilitated. 

There are varying degrees for what people can tolerate in society. There are varying degrees of what people think can be rehabilitated and what deserves a second chance. If a pedophile watches child pornography who does one think is making these child films? Everyone involved is a criminal. If a pedophile is in possession of child pornography then he can be arrested. So others will say that a person cannot be condemned for what they have in their mind if they have not acted on it. If it were your child they were thinking of when they masturbated would that be ok with you?

If what is in your mind is sex with a child then you SHOULD be condemned. 

But what if this person is a pedophile because of what a psychopath or sociopath has done to them? What if they are a victim themselves and only think these thoughts due to their own victimization? I’ve not known someone who thinks these thoughts and does not act on them. I am sure someone will point out one that exists. For how long would be my question. I’ve heard stories of many who started with thoughts and progressed to “peeping toms” who then progressed to rape. In my own family is a man who was molested, supposedly, by his mother, who then sexually assaulted other members of my family. Does he get a pass because he was molested? No. Do I feel bad for him that he experienced that? Of course. But he then assaulted many members of the family, terrorized them, all because of an “illness”? Because this was the result of what was done to him? Well, I was molested, how many thousands are molested and raped every day, and we are not out raping or thinking thoughts of raping because of what was done to us. At even the thought that someone exists who thinks these thoughts disturbs me to feeling nauseated. I may be hardened in this subject but this man in particular in my family should have been punished for his crimes and had consequences of his actions. He is just an example of someone who was victimized and chose to then victimize others. It is an excuse that I do not find valid. 

My mother used to work in a facility with the criminals who had committed sexual crimes. Some of them had multiple personalities. They had committed heinous crimes. My mother still felt a compassion for them. She had one of those hearts that could see past the crime and see the other parts of that person that remained good. I am sure the original commenter on my blog has a heart like this. One that wants to help and try to change a pedophile.  I’m not like my mother.  I try to see the good in most people, in fact it is said to be my biggest flaw, because I see the good and look past the bad. But,  I do NOT see the good in a pedophile or a sex offender. 

So whatever word you chose to use, sex offender, rapist, pedophile, it doesn’t matter to me. If it involves thinking, or acting on an urge to sexually harm a child, it is a person that gets no room in my heart. I don’t blanket hate on anyone, except them. I don’t blanket hate on a profession, on a race, on a gender. I am the opposite. I love based on individual character. Except when it comes to those who would harm or think about harming a child. I have no place for them. 

11 thoughts on “Pedophile or sex offender makes no difference to me. 

  1. It’s a shame that people sometimes get academic and split hairs over something we all know to be evil and the very antithesis to what life is about. This mental distancing serves to desensitize people – often professionals making money off victims for being registered experts – from those of us who can be begging for years for help after surviving… whilst our destruction – from the Latin ‘rapine’ – continues. A bastard is a bastard and it would make no difference whether Hitler did it or Stalin. I have found it more painful and humiliating to be understood in these discussions with experts over the last 20 years than the actual 20 minutes of the act itself was incarcerated in the mental health system

    Liked by 1 person

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