Nightmares and PTSD both equally suck.

Nightmares and PTSD. I don’t think I can put one higher on the scale of disruptive.I haven’t slept well in three nights. I have nightmares. They aren’t about my past. They aren’t even about me. My nightmares are about the torture of one or more people. All night long women are sold, trafficked, raped, tortured, and left alone. My nightmares could not be more violent. They are very bloody. I wake up in the middle of the night only to fall asleep right back into the same nightmare. Now I am scared to sleep. I have no idea what I will witness. It’s as if I am put in front of horror movies with my eyes taped open. I can’t look away and I can’t wake up. 

I have cycles of nightmares. They will come for weeks at a time and then leave for weeks. When I am having them, I am exhausted physically and emotionally. I wake up feeling like I have run a mile (with a muscle disease),and then emotionally traumatized by the scenes that I had to be a part of while I slept. It is cruel. 

PTSD happens during the day. Nightmares happen at night. There isn’t a break! PTSD comes upon me unexpected, lasts a few minutes to a few hours, then leaves me feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. Fortunately, I will go days with out having a flashback, even weeks sometimes. As upsetting as PTSD moments are, I eventually snap out of it and come back to the present. In the nightmares, they last all night long for hours and hours and I can’t wake up. 

I don’t think one is worse than the other. They are both awful. I understand the PTSD but I have no understanding why my brain decides to torture me all night with horrific scenarios to watch. 

Hopefully tonight I will get a break. 

I am at the mercy of my mind. I hope it decides I’ve had enough.

14 thoughts on “Nightmares and PTSD both equally suck.

  1. My brains torture me too…I don’t have nightmares bc I just don’t sleep. But if I may…

    I think maybe the dreams you’re having are about you and your past (little as I know of these things about you). Just based on your last few posts…fear due to losing your safety net and fear of violent abuse against women bc..well life.

    I tell myself stories. Or imagine that I’m an ant in a labyrinth. It occupies my brain just enough to sleep and once there I usually don’t dream or if I do it may have the story I was telling myself. Or ants. Good luck sweetie xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry to hear that you’re going through such a hard time. When the body still lives in the past, it tries to find solutions. It goes through what happens, but struggles with finding a way out. Nightmares are a part of this struggle. I don’t know what you’ve experienced and if you have any way of giving your body what it needs (a different ending ) but I do know that there is always a way. I would recommend a book from Paul Levine (healing trauma) if you want to learn more about how the body keeps the score, and how it knows how to solve problems from the past.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I used to have frequent, terrible nightmares, but after reading a lot of self help books and going through several years of therapy, I can’t remember the last time I had a nightmare.

    My stepdaughter started having bizarre, very vivid dreams and nightmares a few months ago. As she was telling me about yet another freaky dream, I stopped her and asked if she had recently started taking a new medication or maybe a health supplement.

    Yes, she said, for the previous month — just before her nightmares started — she had been taking a cinnamon capsule every day. It is sold as a supplement for promoting good health.

    Cinnamon, as I’m sure you know, is a common spice we put on things like sweet rolls, cookies, and donuts. It does not seem to noticeably affect most people when they eat a small amount of cinnamon sprinkled on toast — but, I wondered, could a large amount of cinnamon ingested every day in a capsule cause mental or mood changes?

    I did a quick search, and sure enough: large quantities of the cinnamon spice can cause nightmares in some people! I told my stepdaughter this, and she stopped taking the cinnamon. Within 48 hours of being off the cinnamon supplement, her vivid, bizarre nightmares completely stopped.

    Years ago, my doctor prescribed a beta blocker drug for me, which caused me to have vivid, terrifying nightmares. Another time, I tried taking the supplement melatonin to help me relax and sleep, but I soon had to stop taking it because of the depression and terrible dreams nightmares it caused me to have.

    I take grape seed extract and a few other health supplements, which I believe help me to look and feel my best. I am in my 60s, but people think I am in my 40s. I believe grape seed extract has a lot to do with that. In the twenty years since I started taking health supplements, I have learned through trial and error that, just like prescription drugs, over the counter health supplements can sometimes cause adverse reactions of various kinds.

    Before these nightmares started, did you begin taking a new drug or supplement, or increase the dose of something you were already taking? Did you make a significant change in your diet or environment? We humans are complex creatures and sometimes the smallest, seemingly benign change in what we consume or how we live, can have a huge impact on our emotional and/or physical health. I recently got on a kick of eating roasted pumpkin seeds. Yum, I love those things. But suddenly, my blood sugar started plummeting for no apparent reason. I am not diabetic, I don’t take diabetic meds, so what the heck???

    I’m sure you’ve guessed it: I did some research, and pumpkin seeds can cause a person’s blood sugar to plummet!

    Like

    • This is all such great information. I so appreciate you sharing it. I had no idea about the cinnamon and i use it a lot on my sweet potatoes. A lot!!!!! Other than that i have cut sugar out of my diet in the last few weeks. I guess, after reading what you have written that any sort of change can trigger these things. I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me all of this .

      Liked by 1 person

      • You are very welcome! I used to be a nurse, before my PTSD got too bad, so I have a natural interest in these things. Of course, I am not a medical doctor and I cannot diagnose and prescribe. Especially not over the internet. 🙂

        I think I am going to write a blog post about this. As trauma survivors, we naturally assume that any mood or mental change must be due to our PTSD, but that isn’t always the case.

        Liked by 1 person

      • You are so right. I so appreciate this. May not be trauma related at all. May be a simple supplement. I hate melatonin. I had horrid nightmares on it. Im so sorry that ptsd has affected your being a nurse. That’s awful. We can be robbed off many things because of trauma that is for sure. I will be aware of what i am using and see if i notice any thing that may trigger it.

        Liked by 1 person

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