That family and this family.

You can lie in my family. They still accept you.

You can cheat in my family. They still accept you.

You can do drugs in my family. They will still accept you.

You can drink and drive,  break laws. They will still accept you.

You can degrade, bully, put down other family members for their choices, their weight. They will still accept you.

You can be materialistic, and superficial in my family. They will still accept you. 

You can have a child out of wedlock but the other parent needs to have the right color skin and if so, they will still accept you. 

You can pray but you HAVE to mention Jesus IN YOUR PRAYER. If you do that, then they will accept you. 

But  whatever you do, do not tell the truth, do not speak of things not approved in the family. If you are a daughter in THAT family then diffferent rules apply to you. You must be seen and not heard. If not, you will not be accepted. Do NOT speak of being abused or how it made you feel or how it affected you and anyone else’s role in not protecting you. You cannot be in the family if you tarnish the family name by words like “abuse” and “pain”. Words are the enemy in this family. You must look pretty and talk pretty to remain.

The criteria for acceptance and love and support in my family is not all encompassing and does not focus on what is good and what is real and what is right. And THAT is why I am no longer IN my family. I am no longer in “THAT” family. 
The good news is, I have a family of my own. I have a husband and a daughter. Our criteria is quite different. It involves above all love, respect, and an unconditional devotion and loyalty. I love “THIS” family.

My daughter will always be accepted in our family. She can marry a man of a different ethnicity, or a different religion. She can marry a woman. She can be transgender. She can be vegan. She can eat meat. She can be a democrat or a republican or neither. She can be a hair dresser or an insurance salesman or an artist. She can love Jesus and she can respect and study and value other religions. She can choose to be Jewish (like half of my family). I will still accept her. She can have her own opinion on topics that I disagree on. I WILL support her. I WILL trust in her. I WILL have her back. I will listen to her. I will not discount or demean her feelings or thoughts. In THIS family we speak the truth. The truth is valued and expected and respected. The truth may hurt sometimes but in THIS family we talk about deep and profound matters and we work through them. My daughter will not be judged. These ways of acceptance of our daughter, we came up with before she was even born. We did not want to limit our love based on her choices if they differed from ours. We agreed to love her no matter what. Love is an action. You do not love from afar. You stay, and you love every single day. My daughter will be loved and is loved. In all times, in all circumstances, in all conditions, in all choices, I will never stop loving her. Nor will I ever stop being there for her. There are no terms or rules or boundaries on my love for my child. True words are spoken. Hard words are spoken. That is encouraged. There is no silence in this family. There is no one who is silenced in this family nor will the ever be.

I have lived in a family that had very accepting ways of what they considered to be important. Only accepting of their ways, abandonment when you didn’t fit into their criteria.

I will never live in that kind of family again. I cherish the home and family that my husband and I, as a team, have created for our daughter. It is a home that she will forever be welcome in and one she never needs to leave. It is a family that will never abandon her. She knows that. We have told her and shown her that. It is what EVERY single child deserves. 

I may have not had it, you may have not had it, but we can most definitely offer it to our children. A different way. A better way. We can rise to a higher level, evolve, and become even better than what we wished we had. Our children will know what true love is.

8 thoughts on “That family and this family.

  1. Aww yes. Oh thank you for this…
    As I was reading it I thought Sam..is that you? (My sister lol). So very similar to my own experience it’s almost scary lol. But kinda cool. I love that you love truth. So do I. It’s my life’s goal. Being honest with your kids like that isn’t easy (or popular ppl give us shit about it all the time) but so worth it. You are so totally awesome. Thx for that (: xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

      • The fact that she’s a daughter impresses me the most I think tbh. Bc of the mother thing and how we didn’t really have one I was terrified I’d have a girl. But you see it as inspiration and I just love that. So beautiful.

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      • Yes! I saw it as a way to raise a strong empowered girl. We always let her have a voice. She is 20 now and awesome! Compassionate, loving, empathetic, strong as shit, amazing character. She is just a cool freaking girl 99% bc that’s how she is but 1% because we didn’t stomp out her spirit ! I knew when I was pregnant she would be a girl which scared me because I didn’t want anything to happen to her but I have had 20 years to protect her and be vigilant and that will never end

        Liked by 1 person

      • You were absolutely right not to stomp that spirit lol. She’ll need it later, but you knew that. I’d love to ask her name (bc I’m into that stuff) but I won’t bc the internet. I bet it means something cool tho. And you are an awesome mom. ❤️ Love it

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  2. That’s beautiful! I’m working on a piece about family at the moment and it’s good to get some inspiration from other blogs. It’s lovely and I really enjoy reading your work! Happy holidays 🙂

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