Shitty doctors.

Eleven years ago I went to the Mayo Clinic. I saw a neurologist who believed absolutely nothing was wrong with me but to appease me did a muscle biopsy on my left leg. I was not given any information on this procedure. I knew it was to be done while awake. I did not know of the rest or I would not have had it done. I was strapped down to a table with big straps velcroed down. I also had two nurses holding each shoulder down. My leg was not draped. I received a few shots under the skin but was told the numbing could not reach the muscle or it would compromise the tissue. I lifted my head and watched as my skin was cut through. I looked at the white facia underneath. I watched as they used a device that held open my leg. I could see inside my leg. The pain was excruciating. I tried not to move but it was difficult. He warned me that the muscle would be taken with no anesthesia. I had no idea what pain was until that muscle piece was taken. Then another piece was taken. After, he stuck  a needle in the muscle which was also excruciating and he numbed it. He numbed the rest of my leg and I watched as they cauterized. I smelled it. I still remember the smell. When they took the muscle sample I screamed louder than I had ever screamed. He commented that it was a good thing we were in a sound proof room. There were no words of comfort or compassion or validation that what they were doing was completely barbaric and I was giving no prep, no warning, no way to make a clear decision on this procedure. My left leg, which was my strong leg, atrophied. It never fully healed. 

Three weeks later the neurologist called me and without even introducing herself, saying hello, asking if it was me she was even speaking to, she just announced to her SURPRISE there WAS actually something wrong with me. I had a muscle disease with no treatment and no cure. That was it. She was a bitch. She was the biggest bitch doctor I had ever come across. In her delivery of the news of my muscle disease she had to make sure she emphasized her original disbelief that I had a condition by even more so emphasizing her shock that I did. 

It’s hard to believe I chose to ever go back to this place but after I discovered I needed an iron infusion, I knew it was the only facility giving this cutting edge iron. It was only 15 minutes to infuse unlike that 6 hour infusion offered elsewhere. Insurance also covered most of it. The Doctor was very nice, very informative, and upon receiving my blood results that day, sent me immediately for an infusion. He even made space and time where there was none to save me the 4 hour round trip to come back. Unfortunately, I developed bone pain after the infusion. I had to go back again to get evaluated for this bone pain by him. I saw his PA. I wonder if I will see him again.  She referred me to an endocrinologist. I needed to make one more trip to find out why my bones were hurting.

I went back for another trip to Mayo clinic. It was a very long and exhausting day for me. Some of my test results were back but not all. My bone density scan results showed what I already knew. She explained that even though osteoporosis was what the scan indicated, the positive was it was not as if I were an 80 year old with these bones. I was a 44 year old with these bones, that weren’t good, but not the risk fracture other doctors had told me. She also told me that she would never give me fosomax, something other doctors had been pushing on me for 11 years . But she had a plan. She was going to message me with my X-ray results, and my further labs she had ordered. She planned on giving me a level of Vitamin D I could take that would regulate permanently my PTH(parathyroid hormone ) that was still elevated. She was also going to refer me to a spine specialist but in the mean time order a radioactive dye test for more of my bones. 

I waited. A week passed. She said I would hear from her that next Monday. Another week passed so I sent an email. Nothing. A few days later I called. I was informed that yes, she did receive my message but had no message for me. I wait another week. Almost a month has gone by and NOTHING. 

I am thrilled that the Mayo clinic hacked out my muscle by a Doctor who didn’t give a shit in the first place, but did give me a partial diagnosis. I am thrilled that the Mayo clinic gave me an iron infusion. But…I wish I could put into words how I felt. I guess the continuing theme in my life…I don’t matter. We’ve paid them enough thousands of dollars to matter. They always initially make me think like I will matter. But then I don’t. 

I wanted to give up going to doctors after the muscle biopsy. It is a hard hard balance of what to pursue and what not. I pursued the Lyme disease diagnosis here in my town, only to be treated for 2 years and still not be well, but that is no fault of my doctor.Lyme disease, too, is just a bitch.  At what point do you just say enough is enough. This endocrinologist could not explain my bone pain except to say perhaps it is lingering from the iron infusion. The hematologist could have told me that and saved me a trip. But I wanted answers to my bones, a fix for my bones. I have seen tons of endocrinologists in the last 11 years and none has given me an answer to why my vitamin d drops and why my pth raises damaging my bones. At least the bitch neurologist doctor gave me an answer of central core disease. 

I’m torn between bitch doctors with answers and doctors who completely blow me off. I dont know which is worse. I’d rather have neither.

The defense I hear for doctors is bogus. “They are people too and their days are hard.” They chose this job. They chose to help sick people. They deserve no kiss ass because they are doing what they are being paid a shit load of money to do. I don’t feel sorry for them because they are doing their job. That would be like saying you feel sorry that a psychiatrist had to listen to woe is me stories all day. She does. She gets paid to do that. I treat these doctors with kindness and patience. This has gotten me nowhere. Half of them have to google things that I have known for the last 11 years and yet I must say “doctor” because they have “earned” this title. Not always. The ego is unbeleivable and for what? If you save my life, treat me, help me, you get to have a little ego. I’ve seen no one as of yet that deserves the respect of their title. They pass me off, don’t follow up. And here I sit. 

So I think, unless I am in critical shape, I will forgo anymore Mayo clinic trips. I’m finished being a “mystery” to them, done being tested on to not even have follow through or respect. My bones are shit, my muscle are shit, searching for the why and expecting to find something new….I’m over it. 

A REAL Doctor in England has been researching my case for 11 years now. HE gets to be called Doctor. And do you know what he has me call him? By his first name. Because that my friends is a man doing his job for the right reasons. Wish I could say the same for the rest of them. 

41 thoughts on “Shitty doctors.

  1. Totally hear you. Similar situation with me in mental health. My brother died when I was 19 and doctors and those bullied by their lawyers smirked at me when I said their process would leave my parents with no children. My parents never did a thing wrong. Yes it took a doctor from the English system with a team with English background to take care of a situation that 2 federal ministers could not truncate quickly enough. I have never had a criminal issue and never will. If I had not been so tough and brought up by decent parents these people in the name of health would have pushed me into a criminal bracket at a much higher cost to all involved and even unaware parties. These people are protected by the most powerful union and lobby group in our federal structure. Nowhere on their website does it mention their patients who are the source of their power and privilege. A lot of people here are aware of what is happening and how these people have dropped the ball. I have been threatened but how can you threaten someone who has survived multiple losses, torture, humiliation and is too damned tough and sticks to spiritual values and the golden rule? I was asked what I wanted recently and it seems no doctor will get in the ring for 10 minutes. Most certainly not for charity.

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      • I was schooled amongst them and I was a better student than nearly all and a better sportsman than nearly all. My problem might have been that when I read the books I actually read them and learned

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      • I was told my muscle disease was “in your head” for years. YEARS no one would listen. They didn’t believe. Me. Finally after the biopsy the neurologist believed me. It is too bad my leg had to be damaged to be validated or recognized as a human

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      • I remember reading your account of some of this a while ago. We deal with bad people and it is dangerous for us to speak up about our hardship. Scientists and doctors in Nazi Germany would be jealous of the political structure and state that medical professionals and scientists are protected by in countries like yours and mine.
        It was a 3 way race into the wreckage of Berlin in 1945. The spoils were research and data from various camps on human beings. You cannot tell me that either of the 3 parties destroyed it. Follow the paper trail still and see what corporations own what patents. It is simple

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      • Jews were the main people in those camps. Pretty much any political dissident was put in. Disabled, gay, gypsies…. Now we have people part of the Palestinian DTN’s rewriting history saying it never happened. Palestinian terrorists always boasted strong media ties to build a strong communication line in the future. I guess they were hurt so badly that they wanted to hurt others hurt so badly. Hurt people hurt people. The ultimate victory is with the monster who manages to harm people so much that they become like himself.
        No one wins. Apathy is playing politics too

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    • I recently had a radioactive dye study done on my parathyroid, then I had a CT scan done for my parathyroid, then I had an MRI done and that contrast for the MRI caused a grand mal seizure that took me to the ER. Was the scariest experience of my life. So maybe it is a good thing I won’t be getting more studies done you are saying?

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  2. They can jam their money up their bums. I couldn’t give a stuff about money. I am grateful for every meal whether from a rubbish bin or a restaurant. I got physical strength and prowess back volunteering in the community. Costs nothing to give. Soldiers bleating for money can’t grow crops to feed community. There may be a Ghost dance coming…

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      • 1880’s the red man knew that they could not fight the greed and closed minds of the white man and corporatized economics. Retreat and various prophecies were offered. Tobacco in the north was the sacred ally released like chaff in the retreat as was coca in the south. It was left to cover the retreat and inflame madness that essentially go with the deadly sins as the Christians would call them. Indigenous leaders had often said we share the same god and the money gruubbers under corporatization through the Vatican and the bank of London refused to share or recognize any other intelligence as equal

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      • Any of us who have buried children and siblings to evil people getting richer and smiling for the camera from drugs, slavery or any supporting exploitative industry

        Liked by 1 person

      • That is life. 21 years on no one needs to be sorry. I appreciate what you mean though. Life is about the living. Some of us chose a long time ago to live by the sword. I am grateful for my karma

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  3. If there was a God in the manner some people believe I don’t think he or she would give a stuff about gay marriage etc… All that matters is that we are kind to each other and that we protect the vulnerable. Some people are cruel and they usually exploit others

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  4. Aww…so been there. Have a similar story to write soonishly I guess. I bet it wasn’t easy tho reliving all that to tell us your story. So thank you (: and good luck in your pursuit of life you have a right to that. Living…not surviving. Xoxo

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  5. Hello. I am sorry you experienced this. No one needs to be treated this way or feel these emotions. May I ask where you are living? I ask this because I have found not all medical providers are the same all over the country. I have had a few bad experiences, but most of my medical care providers have been wonderful caring people. I use to work with doctors and most dod not stand on ceremony. There were a few that thought they were somehow above all others, but they were few. I call my doctors by their names, only their title when it feels appropriate. IF they call me by my name, I call them by theirs. After all I pay them. I also live in an area of many providers so I have a lot of choice. I have had a few bad experiences. I went to one doctor, a male doctor, who pronounced me pregnant. I was sitting there in my underwear, which I looked in to confirm everything I had come in with was still there. It was. I then told the doctor no, I was not pregnant. He blew up at me and started yelling he was the doctor and I was going to respect him. I told him where he could place his stethoscope. Turned out , after several nurse got involved to keep it from being a physical argument, that he had the wrong chart, the chart he had said I was an woman with issues describing pregnancy complications. I was very angry he not only did not see me, only the chart, but did not ask any questions first before giving his diagnosis. Another general practitioner doctor refused to believe I had an entire artificial hip despite the huge scar and the x-ray showing it. Oh and I did have one doctor 12 years ago after examining me because I had fallen and broken a bone, tell my then unmarried spouse I was an attention seeking immature man-child wanting his attention as a daddy figure. Ron nearly decked her. Turned out she had a problem with gay people, especially gay men in relationships. However most of my doctors have been great, and I see doctors every month. I also have dying bones, every type of arthritis and bone problem except rheumatoid. I have muscle diseases and damage, I every symptom of Lupus even though the blood test comes back negative ( 4% of those with it do ) fibromyalgia, and anemia, and also severe damage to both the vertebra and the disc material in my spine among other diagnosis. My life basically revolves around severe pain and distress, and strong medications to help me with pain and other body issues. So I understand. What I can’t figure out is why the doctor doing the leg biopsy treated you that way. Why his staff did. It wouldn’t have been tolerated from my doctors. One of the things taught here is the need to have faith in your medical providers. IF they were to treat me like they treated you , I couldn’t have any faith in them. Once in awhile doctor offices have problems. Mine couldn’t bring up a recent x-ray my last visit. I see them every month so said I would get the result next month. I agree entirely your doctors were wrong. However I do wish you would not stop seeing medical providers and getting treatments. The earlier you can get a diagnosis and the more constant your treatment the more stable you can keep your health. Again I am sorry you have suffered this, both medically and the way your providers have treated you. However your health is important, to you and your family. Please don’t give up. Many well wishes, much care and concern, and warm virtual hugs.

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    • Boy did you shock me on the pregnant! And you made me laugh when you checked to make sure you were there with all your parts!!!!
      But infuriating….I mean..that story right there is the problem. You were not a person. You were not looked at LIKE a person. You were a number. And the story about the doctor saying you were just seeking attention and to judge you because you are gay. Oh my gosh. That doctor and they other one should lose their licenses!!!!!!! What does your gender preference matter? So unacceptable!!!!!!!
      I have my diagnosis. I know I have a muscle disease. I know i have osteoporosis. We just dont know, and havent for 11 years now what has caused either of them and how to fix them. I live in Florida. I went to the Mayo clinic here in florida.
      I am so sorry to hear that you have much the same as I do. They also thought I had fibromyalgia, and lupus at one point. I have a positive ANA. But nothing else positive in the autoimmune department. Actually all my labs are normal except the anemia but since the iron infusion i should be good to go there. One thing crossed off the list.
      Im not exactly giving up on being treated medically, Im just giving up on searching for the cause of these diseases. They just don’t know right now so I am exhausting my self and throwing away money.
      Thanks for the support and understanding and sharing your experiences. At least I am not the only one who has had these absurd experiences. As for the biopsy, once they cut open my leg I was pretty much in shock so I just sucked it up. From what I have heard in the muscle disease group I am in not one of the thousands in that group has had a non sedated biopsy nor a muscle not numbed. It was a nightmare for sure.

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      • Oh I am so sorry. I really am. I also have an autoimmune deficiency. ( or overreacting depending on what doctor tells you the result ) I still say that the way they did your leg biopsy was malpractice. They are just lucky your significant other did not punch their lights out. I think the worst thing about the time the doctor pronounced me pregnant was he sent me for an ultra sound. I was taken in a gown with out any other clothes to a waiting area. I heard this deep angry voice ” alright who the hell is screwing with me”! and the biggest bald muscled black man I had ever seen came storming down the hall. I wanted to crawl under a desk or cabinet. I tried to stammer an apology and he stopped me. His face cleared and he said “Don’t worry man, this is not the first screw up that bastard has made”. ” I wont scan you for a pregnancy but I will scan your kidneys for you”. I was happy he was not throwing me out the window. NUDE! Anyway I live in south Florida also, I live in North Fort Myers , 33917. You be well, you write or call me any time. Many best wishes. Hugs

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      • Sounds like the scary man became the sane man!!!!! At least you were validated and he did another scan why you were there. How awful.
        Thank you for your kindness!
        I am 4 hours north of you. My mother in law used to live in Lehigh acres!

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      • I am so glad to meet you! I love it. Someday we have to find time to get to get together! I have only been to Lehigh only once to get our son, who totalled our new car. Kids! 🙂 Hugs. Thank you for being so nice and kind. You are really nice. Grand and kind of nice, Wonderful and kind of wofeaderfullfuo

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  6. Sorry hit the send before I could correct my spelling and finish my thought… on no a runaway thought !!! I wanted to say you are wonderful and kind and generous. Best wishes and lots of hugs. Scottie.

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  7. There’s a reason I don’t like or trust drs. – as a group. There are individual drs. who are good, respectful, honest. Unfortunately they are not the majority. I am tired of the egotism. I am tired of having to act as if with them. As if I am impressed by their education and insight, as if I actually have any respect for them personally or professionally. I have a conflict on Sunday (tomorrow) regarding to see a doctor. I want the procedure, I don’t want to have to kiss ass to get it. *sigh*

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