As I was typing last night I had recounted memories. They come to me, memories, vividly when I start to write. I have forgotten or blocked out many things. But there are many things I remember well. I typed about how I went into a house to save a cat and her kittens as a flea pesticide was spraying in the air. I thought about this last night and today. It was around that same time that I was attacked. It was around that same time I started having seizures. It was also in that same time frame I lost the ability to drive and was subsequently diagnosed with a muscle disease. Most Doctors call me a mystery. Medications don’t work or I can’t tolerate them. They don’t know why I then developed Multiple Chemical Sensitivities. I also started having more vivid flashbacks, nightmares, and PTSD and panic episodes which have now completely snowballed. I was only recently diagnosed with PTSD but my therapist said I had signs from a young girl. Having a combination of Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, PTSD, panic attacks, flashbacks, and seizures is complicated. Because with the chemical sensitivities I can throw up, start to wheeze, get a rash, but chemicals can also trigger PTSD. Seizures, small ones, makes me feel tightness in my chest, nausea, and out of sorts. They are just all so similar in symptoms that I don’t always know which is which. Sometimes one can trigger another. It is a whirlwind of a mess. I don’t like being labeled or told I am a mystery by doctors. I am not a mystery. There are reasons why I am the way that I am. Some may be genetic. Some are definitely from trauma. But there is no mystery. No one has ever asked me if I was exposed to chemicals. Had they, I would have remembered the kittens. It was not blocked from my memory. I just didn’t see the correlation until I started writing about it. Maybe the chemical exposure triggered everything. My immune system was already low due to Lyme disease. May have just been the perfect storm. I now wonder. But what can be done about this new revelation? I have no idea! But I always like to be able to sort out the “why” of things and bring understanding to what I would call a complex health problem, not a mysterious one. Writing always leads me somewhere. It opens a door, gives clarity, sends me down a new path. I wonder. Where does writing take you?