Last week was a hard week. My husband was hit head on in a car accident. His car was totalled. My daughter and I had just gotten out of bed. I was actually in the bathroom when she barreled in and said, Dad’s been in an accident and he is calling from the ambulance. A thousand things ran through my mind. What if he has broken something, then he told me he thought he had. What if he needs surgery. I can’t drive to the hospital. How will I get there. Who will make sure he is okay. What if he is admitted. Who will take care of US? My daughter is ill, I have serious medical issues, what are we going to do. So I thought Okay, I need to get people to pray for him. I better start asking. I sent out prayer requests. Then I called a few of his friends who promised to go and put eyes on him and give me a full update. I sat down on my bed 2 hours later, forgetting I had not eaten breakfast, pacing the hallway with legs that are nolonger able to pace, and I realized I had not prayed. So I did. I prayed that all of my whatifs did not come true. 

And they didn’t. He did not break anything. He did not need surgery. He was able to come home that night. Everything was okay. I had immediately panicked when I should have just immediately prayed. But I am human. And I am pretty darn helpless and vulnerable when it comes to my health issues. I rely on my husband for everything. He is my everything. He takes us to appointments, grocery shops, shops for everything our family may need, works full time, and more. He rubs my legs when they are unbearably painful. He comforts me when I am having a PTSD moment. He holds me when I have a nightmare or when a memory has come back. His car accident scared me. It brought out tons of fear and when that happens for me, PTSD comes into play full force. It was a challenging week. But I kept saying, he is alive. He is alive. He is okay. Everything is ok. He survived. Now was not the time to think about everything he does for us as a family. We spent 6 days with him at home feeling grateful that he was okay. 

So when I woke up and my hair had all broken off I didn’t lose my mind! I didn’t have a panick. I didn’t start to cry. I knew my hair was headed down a pretty bad path. But in any other time I would say I would have completely lost it over my hair situation. I mean….Let me show you….Really….Pictures do speak!!!

My daughter kept wondering why I was not more upset about it. And in all honesty, I did grab a pair of scissors and plan to hack it all to a nub. But words from my therapist came into my mind. I had no control over my hair any more than I could have controlled my husband’s car accident. I could only control how I reacted to it. So I made a hair appointment today and I’d say…given what she had to work with….she did some miraculous things. The bottom one was after I had come home and the stylist had styled it for me after cutting it. The nice little filter one is after I tried to work with it myself and my daughter put some flowers on my head. Either way, the entire hair experience was not anything like I thought it could be. Things were in perspective.

The whole point is….my husband is alive. So my hair all broke off. My husband is alive. I may have PTSD and I may not be able to control some things that come but I am not going to let my hair dictate my happiness. At least not today!!!!! Things seem in a pretty good perspective. Because my husband is alive. Thank God. He is OK!

I wish I could make this perspective work on absolutely everything. I tried. But with PTSD and anxiety and smell triggers, I can’t talk myself down from those. But we must celebrate the things in life we can talk ourselves down from. They may be few but they are something to recognize, validate, and celebrate! Today, I celebrated my calm approach to having a professional cut my hair instead of many alternatives. Today, I just felt grateful. I’m holding on to that as long as I can.

14 thoughts on “Perspective.

  1. Your hair looks great! I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s car accident. I know what it’s like to be in his shoes. I’m glad he survived and doesn’t need any surgery, etc. Prayers seem to always help, especially during bad times. I’m glad you and your daughter are alright too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are NOT your mental disorder 

    You are not your mental disorder. You are not your inability to read and write. You are not the social anxiety that leaves you feeling isolated and a product of alienation in a world where couples is the new norm. You are not the depression that cripples you and leaves you crying and thinking obsessively of self harm at three in the morning on the bathroom floor. You are not the voices you hear telling you to destroy. You are not the anger , the betrayal, the bitterness and the drowning. You are not a replay button of all the horrifying experiences and painful memories you’ve ever had. You are not your molest- you are instead a survivor of it.You are a Beautiful warm sunshine in a world full of dark dreary gloomy days. You are a rainbow , a paradox ,a haiku ,the moonlight shining on a still lake. You are the books you read , the music you listen , the love you give and deserve , the movies you watch . You are the things you eat, the air you breathe and the places you travel to. You are the photos you take and the poems you write. You are the smile you bring on other people’s faces, the masterpieces you create 

    So repeat after me and believe me when I say


    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so relieved the accident wasn’t worse and that your husband is fine.

    So impressive you were able to take that experience and use it to make the hair experience easier. And as it turns out, your hair looks beautiful.


    • Thank you!!!! It was down the middle of my back so when I woke up today I looked at myself and felt like i had no idea who I was looking at!!! Hair is so defining it seems I guess because we are used to the look of ourselves which gives me an entirely new perspective on any change a person has on their body and what that change brings. I have to stop thinking so much!!! But i can rarely turn my mind off!
      I am truly happy my husband is ok. He gives me such peace of mind, his love, his existence, his presence. I am very fortunate.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s