What do you do when you find out your spouse has cheated on you? What do you do when you find out that a coworker took credit for your work? What do you do when you find out your best friend lied to you? What do you do when your find out your child cheated on a test?
You confront them. In that confrontation there is a form or a sense of closure. Your words were heard, your defense was made, your foot was put down and stomped, and you spoke about how wrong it was for that person to make those choices.
What do you do when you have a hundred people who have virtually cheated on you and you have no way to have closure? We’ve got lots of therapy/bullshit imagery. Lets just work on letting them go, release them, make peace about what happened, cut the chains that bind, stop thinking about them, forgive them. Bullshit. PTSD doesn’t ALLOW that.
I know confrontation will not “fix”what was done to me. It will not “resolve” the past. It may not make my PTSD nightmares any less. But it sure the fuck would feel good to confront all of the people who have treated me like less than the gum on the bottom of their shoe and tell them to their faces exactly how I feel.
I’ve confronted a few people over the years and it gave me only temporary satisfaction because PTSD won’t LET you have true resolution or peace. It just won’t. Oh you think you have let it go but a smell, a trigger, a nightmare, and that person may as well be right in your bed breathing down your neck again. But criminals, narcissists, even your best friends and family , may never understand these facts. PTSD is like having Lyme disease. I happen to have both. They treatment may kick it back for awhile, lessens the symptoms, ease the suffering, but the BACTERIA is still there trying to resurface even at our every attempt to subdue it.
Yet, I still have the desire to confront. I still have the need to face those who intentionally hurt me. Even though I know I won’t change them. It must be an innate, instinctual, primal, need to show them I am not a mouse anymore, I am a lion. So don’t fuck with me because I will bite.
All the peace love and meditation, I am not knocking that. I am just saying there is a need for justice for victims of abuse. And you cannot meditate that justice into fruition. Not in my mind at least. Maybe in you more enlightened ones.
So all we have is our words. We have our voices, the written word, and social media to tell our truths and hope that even if we never receive justice for ourselves, that our truths will encourage someone else in the world to provide justice for someone they love.
I will never stop speaking the truth.