When you have no opportunity to stand up to the real villains. 

What do you do when you find out your spouse has cheated on you? What do you do when you find out that a coworker took credit for your work? What do you do when you find out your best friend lied to you? What do you do when your find out your child cheated on a test? 

You confront them. In that confrontation there is a form or a sense of closure.  Your words were heard, your defense was made, your foot was put down and stomped, and you spoke about how wrong it was for that person to make those choices. 

What do you do when you have a hundred people who have virtually cheated on you and you have no way to have closure? We’ve got lots of therapy/bullshit imagery. Lets just work on letting them go, release them, make peace about what happened, cut the chains that bind, stop thinking about them, forgive them. Bullshit. PTSD doesn’t ALLOW that. 

I know confrontation will not “fix”what was done to me. It will not “resolve” the past. It may not make my PTSD nightmares any less. But it sure the fuck would feel good to confront all of the people who have treated me like less than the gum on the bottom of their shoe and tell them to their faces exactly how I feel. 

I’ve confronted a few people over the years and it gave me only temporary satisfaction because PTSD won’t LET you have true resolution or peace. It just won’t. Oh you think you have let it go but a smell, a trigger, a nightmare, and that person may as well be right in your bed breathing down your neck again.  But criminals, narcissists, even your best friends and family , may never understand these facts. PTSD is like having Lyme disease. I happen to have both. They treatment may kick it back for awhile, lessens the symptoms, ease the suffering, but the BACTERIA is still there trying to resurface even at our every attempt to subdue it. 

Yet, I still have the desire to confront. I still have the need to face those who intentionally hurt me. Even though I know I won’t change them. It must be an innate, instinctual, primal, need to show them I am not a mouse anymore, I am a lion. So don’t fuck with me because I will bite. 

All the peace love and meditation, I am not knocking that. I am just saying there is a need for justice for victims of abuse. And you cannot meditate that justice into fruition. Not in my mind at least. Maybe in you more enlightened ones. 

So all we have is our words. We have our voices, the written word, and social media to tell our truths and hope that even if we never receive justice for ourselves, that our truths will encourage someone else in the world to provide justice for someone they love. 

I will never stop speaking the truth. 

8 thoughts on “When you have no opportunity to stand up to the real villains. 

    • I have pondered that. I know if anyone hurt my grandfather’s child they would not be allowed to speak of it. I think there was good and bad ways to handle things 100 years ago. 30 years ago I may have been invisible. But now. At least there are victim advocates and ways to speak out the truth and not be burned at the stake!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Those who do not want you to tell the truth must not want to be thrown into the daylight. Sadly the research in England and Australia show that there are more victims now than ever. The problem is not decreasing, the “solutions” are not working. So these kids sadly need your voice. They need your strength. The need what you give so freely, your love and understanding. Thank you. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    • My heart breaks for those victims and for the ones that I know right now. I will keep speaking. One day i pray that our voices will come together and something will change. That the right person will hear. I can only pray that will happen

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m finding a delicate balance between the two…letting things go through meditation while still using my voice. When it becomes imbalanced, it’s very uncomfortable

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Beautiful piece Bethany. I loved reading this. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for telling the truth about what happened to you and for being silent. You have inspired me and you continue to inspire me every time I read your posts. Thank you and I love you. Hugs!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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