Hell

I can still remember being a young teenager and my mother calling the man’s house who abused me. I didn’t hear the entire conversation but it did consist of him saying he had no part in it, whatever that meant, and his wife telling my mother I was going to hell. I still remember the me going to hell part. 

Why do human beings feel so…entitled….so….self righteous….so….on a pedestal? How does any one human being deem another to hell? The wife of a child abuser felt my worth was hell. The worst place anyone can imagine. That is where I was destined to go. Hell. It so easily slips off the tongues of so many and it should not. 

In our mind we may think that a person should go to this worst place ever for a number of reasons: They raped someone. They killed someone. They abused a child. They abused an animal. They abused an elderly person. Everyone has their own catergory they put someone in that is sending them straight to hell. If they do this, then they are going there. my neighbor’s kid said my entire family is going to hell because they are Jewish. The supremacy of this child to think she can say something like this appalled me. Yeah, you don’t get to tell me my family is going to hell. Not gonna happen. But I am an adult so I can take these words with a grain of salt. When I was a young girl finally having the courage to tell I’d been abused, going to hell was the last thing I needed to hear.

I don’t have a catergory I put people in that makes me assume in any way that I have any IDEA where they may go after they die. But that is not why people say it. They say it to condemn. They say it to hurt. 

My blog post is not about religion and it is not about hell. It is about the hurtful things that one person says to another. What does one get out of telling another person they are going to hell? Some phrases will change nothing in another person’s life. Does it just feel like a good thing to say if you’re angry? I said it to one person. Once. It didn’t affect him. It only allowed me direct my anger. It didn’t feel good after I said it. The OTHER things felt good. He was the man who locked me in his garage and assaulted me. We have the gift of language and words. We can use them in a much better way than flippant judgments. Every other word I felt had meaning, accountability, and strength behind it. The, going to hell part, seemed…weak. 

It is a tough phrase for me. I have always been sensitive to it. If I hear it for what I feel would be a justifiable topic or whether I hear it as an insult it rubs me the same way. Because a woman, whose husband molested me, felt justified to tell my mother I was going to hell. I still remember it. I still feel it. I’ve come to the place where I don’t think it should be said. 

Say what you really mean. Telling someone they are going to hell just seems so juvenile, so elementary. The man who abused me, his wife deems me to hell. What she really wanted to say was she was furious I was accusing her husband of molesting me. She was so furious and so much in denial that I MUST be a terrible person who should have terrible consequences of my accusations. But all she could come up with in the moment is, I was going to hell. Come on lady.. If anyone is going to hell it would be her husband. Ah…see how easily it can be said. What I really want to say is I have no idea what will happen in this man’s life. But I have more elaborate words. I feel disgust of him. I wish justice would be served. I wish he were in jail. I wish he paid for his crimes against me. And maybe he will…in hell…I know, it is just hard to get around. Which is my point. It is such a used phrase that anyone can be tossed into the sentence with it. It is simply a phrase meant to declare absolute hatred for another human being. 

You know what bothers me? I’m not thinking about this man’s life in eternity. I care about right now. It infuriates me that he gets to walk around on this earth at all. He gets to roam freely to hurt others. He gets to enjoy the life with his wife and family. I am upset about his life right now. Whatever happens after this life is not up to me. That is for God. 

Hurtful phrases can cut deeply. If you take out the pedophiles and the sex offenders and all the other people in the “bad” catergory they we feel free to send to hell, you are left with innocent 15 year olds who are being told they are going to hell for finally telling the truth. And that is not okay. We have powerful capabilities with the use of our language and words. They should be used wisely, especially with children. 30 years later I still remember that woman’s words. I was going to hell. Her words contributed to my attempted suicide. Her words and the words of many others who chose to minimize and trivialize the abuse. Event those who chose to not speak at all in my defense. You add up the condemners and the silent watchers and you’ve got a perfect storm for a young girl who has actually been through hell. 

“Go to hell,” lets do better than that shall we. 

21 thoughts on “Hell

  1. This brought me to tears. What you had to endure is sickening! People or cruel. What can of woman would say such a thing to a child that her crampy husband violated?! God knows how many others were like you. You suffered and she stuck up for a evil human being. It pisses me off!

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    • Thank you so much for being angry for me and what happened to me. Sometimes it is lonely feeling like no one fought for me and thinking back and realizing, still no one is in regards to this man. No one was angry enough to fight for me. Just to cover it all up, pretend it didn’t happen and leave me to deal with it alone.
      So thank you for your comment. It means alot

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      • You’re welcome. I recently binge watched the show “13 reasons why” and it forced you to see, in a sense, through a victims eyes. It pissed me off because I know that so many victims become victims once again by people who don’t take them seriously. It’s a popular show so I’m hoping it brings some type of awareness to it’s veiwers. It’s a hard thing to know what people like you have gone through and it breaks my heart. I wish more people would see it for what it is…a sick crime that ruins the lives of victims. Having the courage to speak about it something people should appaluad not condem!

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      • The ripple affect of being silenced and the subsequent anxiety and PTSD is awful. It affects everything. I have lost my mom and dad and brothers because they want me to be silent. I cannot be silent anymore. But it is easier for them if i am. It is easier for them to live in denial of the atrocities that happened, they can pretend and live with themselves, but this does nothing for victims and just perpetuates the cycle of silence. Thank you for your comment!

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  2. Pingback: Hell By BETHANY K. – The Militant Negro™

  3. I’m so sorry Bethany. What I don’t understand is where people get the audacity to say something like that. None of us deserve hell has a punishment. I know I’ve done some bad things, but I didn’t deserve the verbal abuse my mother gave me just as you didn’t deserve to be sexual abused. People need to shut their damn mouths and not speak on matters they don’t understand. We need unity, love, and peace for our world to be a better place. These closed minded people is what makes our world a bad place. I’m sorry you had to experience that. You are loved, treasured, and you are beautiful. You are a victor in my book. You are a survivor and a hero! You are encourager and inspiration to others. Thank you for sharing your story and if only those people could see you now they would eat their words. I really think they would. Hugs my friends. Love you! I’m so proud of you!

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  4. This makes my blood boil! People are cruel..people are thoughtless…It disappoints me with such intensity..I am so sorry Bethany for all you have endured..I wish I could take it all away for you! ❤

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    • Thank you for wanting to take it away. I wish i could erase these things from my mind. I think some things just leave scars. Most things I hope to just let time take care of. Thanks for your understanding comment.

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  5. The only thing that helped my feelings towards my abusers soften a bit, was when I realized the level of pain and self directed hate, anger, and judgment they carried every day in their heart, and still do. Such intense pain that they acted it out on one who would never stand up to them; one who would simply allow them to act out their pain without too much protest. There is too much pain in the world.

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  6. I am so sorry. I know that there are no words that can be said to help you feel better. Nevertheless, I am sorry you had to go through that. You didn’t deserve any of that. I know I still have a lot of pain and anger towards my abuser and its hard to hear people say time heals all wounds….because I know that will always be there but, I know little by little I feel myself slowly trying to chip away the hate for myself. It feels better not to have that anger for yourself. I hope that you can find peace even if its a little. And just so you know I would fight for you. I know I’m not the wises, but I understand going through abuse myself. I’m here if you need anything or even someone to listen.

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    • Wow thank you so much for taking the time to write to me and be a fighter for me. Just knowing there are those out there like you that would stand up is comforting. I am so sorry that you have been through abuse. I wish I could have prevented that from you and that you would have been kept safe. I agree with you about the anger. I chip away at it too. It is my great great hope that one day I will wake up and there will be a shift. Like the wind changes direction and I feel more freedom and less weight from it all. Thanks again for your comment.

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      • You’re welcome. People that have gone through so much like ourselves, need to stand up and uplift each other to the most of our ability. I know its hard and many of us feel so alone but, its the best feeling knowing that, we have some support. I pray that you do and I believe that you will get there some day. Just keeping going, you’re strong!

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