Strong Language*abuse* true story…
Her: So how long have you been married?
Me: 19 years.
Her: Don’t you have a 20 year old?
Me: Yes I do.
Her: Oh. Soooo. Oh.
Me: Well if you would have asked me a week from now, we would be celebrating our 20th anniversary, so 20 years, 20 year old, probably wouldn’t have realized which came first.
Her: Well…I chose to save myself for my husband. I was a virgin until we got married.
Me: Assuming my husband is the only man I have ever been with, and the fact that we will have been together for 20 years, I’d say everything worked out pretty perfectly so we are the same in the end. But that’s not completely true because I wish I could have only been with my husband but things did not work out that way.
Her: We chose to wait until we were married. We were virgins! We CHOSE that for ourselves and for each other. What we have is perfect and what you did is a sin.
Insert what I would have liked to have said then:
Oh hell no! First I will not even go IN TO the whole “sin” comment. If that is what you truly believe, keep that shit to yourself. Second, regardless of when or when I did not have sex with my husband is really none of your business. You can have your morals and values and make your own personal choices and I will support them ONLY if having those morals and values does not make you look down upon me with judgment and condemnation. I have many friends who have chosen to abstain until marriage and that is a personal and sometimes religious choice. I support their choice just as I support someone’s choice to be transgender or gay. I support CHOICE. But I didn’t GET to make that choice LONG BEFORE MY HUSBAND. Someone made that choice FOR me! So step off that pedestal princess because you have no fucking clue who you are dealing with here. Someone took away my choice to remain a virgin until I got married when I was just a young girl. I will not apologize for not stopping to think while being mauled by man after man at the age of 11, “Oh wait Bethany, you were supposed to be saving yourself for your husband! You were supposed to be giving him the magical gift of virginity!” Yeah, I didn’t get to have a CHOICE in that matter. I was actually thinking about saving what was left of my vagina NOT for my husband at all! That was the last thing on my fucking mind. I was thinking about sexually transmitted diseases and injury and pain and what lies I would have to tell a doctor so no one knew what was happening to me. My choice to have an intact hymen NEVER EXISTED. Thankfully I live in the united states so my vaginal status would not be cause for my death even at the hands of rape, but that’s another topic I suppose. Really, I am happy your vagina got to remain unscathed, untarnished, untouched. I don’t mean that sarcastically. You got to choose what happened to your vagina. I had to, instead, tell my husband that I didn’t come wrapped in a shiny package with a ribbon. My ribbon had been cut long before him. And if HE didn’t judge me, I will be damned if I will let you! Vagina statuses aside, now that your ability to judge so harshly has been brought to light, I can tell you that I have more character in my little pinky than you do in your entire being. So you got to CHOOSE to be a virgin until you were married. You got to CHOOSE to think it through, make a decision, stick with it, stay strong, stay vigilant, stay the course. Good for you. I don’t wish that your choice was thwarted by rape like mine was, I only ask that you shut your fucking mouth for 2 seconds and think about the million scenarios that can affect a woman before she marries her husband before opening it again. And for that matter, a man. What if your husband had been raped before you married him? Would your judgment have fallen on him? Yes, men are raped just like women. Men who would have wanted to be virgins until they married too. Men get their CHOICE taken too. Being a virgin when you got married does not make you better than I am. It is something that is sacred and private between you and your husband. Do you know what is sacred between me and my husband? Ok well my husband and me if you are going to be the grammar police. What we find sacred is that even though both of our pasts were full of tragedy, we found new beginnings in each other. Had he not found me when he did, I would have been face down in a ditch and that is a fact. The man saved my life. He chose me and that saved me. I chose him. Yet somehow, you get to do the math, and realize that before we got married, we had a daughter, the joy of our lives. The real magic and beauty in life. And you think you are somehow better than I am because of the status of your vagina 20 something years ago when you got married? Sorry honey. You could not be more fucking wrong.
What I actually said/did:
Me: I chose to just walk away. Well. Wheel away in my wheelchair.