I woke up feeling not like myself. I was very dismayed over not hearing the sweet owl call for the last few days. My head felt, still feels all swimmy. I never know why this happens. It could be from my inner ear disorder or from Lyme disease treatment. It could be some sort of dissociative thing. Who knows. I got up and mindlessly, aimlessly, walked around doing little chores. Letting my thoughts wander is never a good thing. I will daze off for an indeterminate amount of time and then realize that I had been thinking about my illness or my symptoms and snap back into the moment. I decided I had to go on a walk.
It was a mere 8 billion degrees outside and I smelled the left over stench of a skunk that had been near the house. Notat all a good way to start off my walk. The sky was as dreary as I felt.
Every sound was magnified. Every chirp, frog croak, basketball, I could hear. Every rustle of a squirrel in a tree or through the leaves I could hear. Everything was SO loud! I hate feeling this way. So on alert. Usually it is smells. Today it is sounds. So easily startled by everything! I thought perhaps this would be the only documentation that I was actually on a walk so I took this
Going around the block feeling dizzy and out of sorts is unnerving and unsettling. I put on my medical alert necklace incase I was missing something and this was all seizure related. But then I saw the kite. She flew right over me and in a few seconds was so high in the sky I could barely see her.
She was only a dot but I knew it was her. I decided to chase after the kite. So I zipped down one street and my mind went right back to feeling lost and dazed and swimmy and fuzzy. I went all the way around the block and I saw the nest. I thought for a moment that I would just leave it. WHAT? What was I becoming that I would leave a nest unchecked!!! So I got out of my chair and flipped the nest over. It was a squirrel nest, which is why I checked it. I would have known what to do if there were babies in the nest. Fortunately, there were none.
I got right past the nest and noticed a feather. YES I was finally able to maintain some mindfulness. I thought it was funny that my shadow was next to the feather. I could barely see it while taking the picture. The sun had come out brightly.
As I went past the feather, I decided to go down the little path that connects our neighborhood to the one behind it. Nausea came over me and my dizziness was back so I turned back right as I started down the path.
And that’s when I heard my sweet owl. She was screeching loudly. I couldn’t see her but I could hear her right above me somewhere in the trees. I had a small chat with her and immediately felt better. I was so glad to hear her voice. Looked like she was blessing someone else’s house with her presence and I loved that. I turned to go home and noticed the kite was back that I could not find on my walk.
The sun was so bright I just pointed my camera in the direction of the sky and hoped it would catch her.
Some days are harder than others to stay in the moment whether it is health or triggers or PTSD or just a bad day. But I keep on trying my best. I will keep on trying my best.