Jess

One year ago I lost my dog Jess to cancer. He was not a trained service dog. But he was SO much a service dog. He opened the oven for me. He alerted me of seizures. He was also conveniently always there when I fell and broke my fall and helped me to get up. He was my constant companion. I’ve never loved an animal like I loved Jess. I have a feeling I never will again. 

Two months before he passed away, an owl came. The owl would fly to a branch that is over our deck when I would let Jess out at night. He was very sick every night. We had to take him out a lot. The owl came and would look at Jess, then at me, and she was do her owl call. I talked to her every single night for at least an hour. After Jess passed away she still stayed with me for a few months and then I didn’t see her again. Here is a picture of her. 


This year another owl family has come. I wonder if it is her family. There is a mother and two siblings. The female baby became attached to me, and I her, just like the owl from last year. Here is a picture of my owl this year. 


I see no real resemblance but I have a feeling that last year’s owl is the mother of this baby owl. Either way I have had two summers of owls. Not just a random owl in my back yard. An owl that communicates with me. An owl who calls to me when I open the door. An owl who will fly past my face and land right in front of me as I go for my walks. She is and has been an incredible sight. 

I took this picture of her last night. It had just rained and it was so humid that the lens kept fogging up. 


She has grown a lot since her sibling and I first met. 


This is a clip of her flying next to me.


With the owl comes the comfort that I felt from Jess. Jess was with me for almost 14 years. His loss will be forever on my heart. I am so thankful the owl has brought back some of that love. 

18 thoughts on “Jess

  1. I’m sorry for your loss Bethany, and I’m totally blown away by this story about an extraordinary dog and the owls who are looking after you. I don’t doubt for a minute that there is real communication between you and these owls. I can’t help but think that Jess would want you to have another service dog.

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    • Thank you so much. It has been so hard because he knew what was a seizure and what was not. I don’t always know because anxiety, or ptsd can feel like a seizure coming on but it is not. I miss a million things about him. Just having someone to love and love me back.
      We have looked into service dogs and since I cannot drive and we would be required to put in hours and weeks at a training center, and my husband has to work, we just can’t figure out how to make it happen. We actually brought home a rescue for my daughter. That was tragic. She came from a puppy mill and had never put feet in grass or a floor. We introduced her to freedom, love, and life. It was a very beautiful experience. AND I was allergic to her. I’ve never been allergic to any dog before so it was just tragic. We loved her. But, when we took her back to the dog rescue a woman was waiting to pick out a dog because her old boy had just died and this girl we had ran into this woman’s arms. So we think, well we know, she was just meant to be with us for a short time to get her ready for her forever home.
      So that is our current dog situation. For now, I am comforted again by the owls. I hope the right dog will come along for us. My daughter and I are both quite ill and it is a struggle for me to care for her and myself. It would be a disservice to get a dog now because i am so devoted, I would feel guilty if I could not give that dog my all. It is all something we are all still mulling over.
      Thanks for your comment!
      Jess was dumped in a box. We brought him home and he was just a tiny 5 week old abandoned puppy. Who would have ever thought he would have turned out like he did. He was such a gift, a blessing. The vet gave him 3 days to live after his diagnosis. But I started making him homemade food and his tumors shrank and he still wanted to go for walks every day and stay by my side. The day he showed suffering, we said goodbye. He gave far to much for me to ever allow him to suffer. It was a big loss.
      So I have rambled her about this. Thanks for listening.

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  2. I’m so sorry about Jess. I am so glad that you have that owl. I love the pictures too. They do look a lot alike what from I can tell from the pictures. I’m so proud of you and this is awesome. I need to post a blog about my butterfly that I told you about. I really enjoyed this. I love you. Hugs!!

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    • I would love to read about your butterfly! Please send me a message when you do. I haven’t been reading blogs for the last few days. After therapy I try to stay grounded. Sometimes if I read too many blogs I think of others and I bring the focus away from processing what I am doing in therapy. So I stay with myself for a few days and then read blogs and catch up on the weekends. But if you write one about the butterfly i want to read it

      Liked by 2 people

      • I’ll definitely let you read it once I post it. I totally understand that. That’s a good practice. I totally agree with that. I like that you do that and that you are taking care of yourself. Self-care is so important.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. It takes a lot to make me tear up, but I did here 💞. I’m so sorry for your loss; you must miss your dog so much. Cancer is devilish. We lost our beautiful cat 4 years ago (July 5), and not a day goes by that we don’t think of her. I’m not sure if it gets easier, but I think we eventually get used to it. Maybe people cross a similar Rainbow Bridge; I think you two will meet again 🌈🌟🌟💞

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    • I am so sorry you lost your cat. It is so devastating. I just connected to him so much. He was like part of me. Most people cannot understand. They think ah he was a dog. But in so many aspects he was all I had that could show me unconditional love. And then he was gone. But then came the owl. I woke up today after having a dream of him coming to me. So I know I will see him again for sure. I was so used to our routine. I didn’t go for a walk for a very very long time. I couldn’t go with out him. But a few months ago I resumed my wheelchair walks and decided to make blog posts out of them and take pictures and try to be mindful and that has given me growth.

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  4. The owls are amazing and your pictures of them are just as amazing. That one of the two peeking over the branch…too much. They are beautiful.

    And Jess…RIP sweet Jessy. I’m so sorry for your loss Bethany.

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    • I freaking love the owls. The last few nights my friend owl has been alone. Mom gone. Brother gone. It’s just her out there. I felt for her all alone. I wondered did she like being alone. Did she miss her family. Then blue jays started pecking at her and I got all upset and started yelling at the bluejays. Which did nothing! The owl just looked at me like yep under blue jay attack. My husband sat patiently as I yelled at them. I think I’ll write a blog about it.
      I miss my sweet jess. Thank you very much. I will miss him forever i think.

      Liked by 1 person

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