Poetry


Enough.

“Was I supposed to be looking for a pedophile around ever tree?” 

Yes mother, you were. 

“Should I have not shaken his hand?”

No father, you shouldn’t have. He is a pedophile.

“What could we have done? You didn’t tell us enough.”

I told you both enough.

Enough.

I lay here.

The sticks thrown,

Laying at my feet.

Lashes felt through out me.

I lay here,

As the green algae envelops me.

They won’t notice.

They scoff at my defeat.

“She’s just mentally ill.”

They say to disregard me.

To deflect my persistent screams. 

They mock and minimize the anxiety.

My spine is crooked from their feet. 

I said enough.

I shouted to the world. 

But enough is not what they ever need.

“Silence!” The continue to plead.

I will never concede. 

They want me down with the sticks

And the stones.

They want me covered in the mold.

I’ve had enough of that life.

Look at me

Here,

Now.

Look in my eyes. 

“ENOUGH!!”

I say.

I claim this life

Without you

As finally

Mine.

*photographs by Riley Kays

37 thoughts on “Poetry

    • LOL it IS!!! Riley was not so thrilled at her job but I told her I needed to pictures for my poetry, one of my eyes bare no make up and one of me laying on the deck. She’s a good sport 🙂

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      • She read it and said, ” wait! That’s French!!!!!” So I guess you wrote something in french and she was trying to interpret it in Italian with what she has learned so far. She laughed.
        I didn’t see where you said you did photography. I don’t know how I missed that. I’m dying for a camera now. I’ve never been interested in photography until the last few months and now as I see things at different angles with the sun and rain I want to take a picture with something other than my ipad. For now. This will do though. I enjoy it. I took a LOT of pictures today on my 2 hour walk.
        Btw she already calculated the cost of a flight to Sicily and she said WHAT WAY TOO MUCH MONEY.
        At some point….we will both be well. It has to happen. I’d love to see the photos that you take.
        She LOVED the picture you attached.
        And she has actually watched all of your youtube videos. She particularly liked the one where she said you said that a country or state was lowering the age of consent and you had choice words and she said it made her like you even more.

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  1. Pingback: Poetry By Bethany K – The Militant Negro™

    • Thank you! I wanted my daughter to take that for me to go with the poem that I had written. I knew my husband planned to pressure was it this week (in Florida it has to be pressure washed a lot due to all of the rain and trees) and the green and sticks on it represented just what I wanted them too.

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  2. Pingback: Monday Magic – Inspiring Blogs for You! | Pain Pals

    • Thank you SOOOO much for your comment. For really GETTING what I was trying to convey. I never know if my words will be understood based on what I have in my heart and try to put out in words or not. You really did understand the depth of it all and I so appreciate that. That sentences you have written give me more validation than I think I’ve ever had. Thank you for that.

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      • What you said, Bethany, about feeling so validated by my words, really, REALLY blesses me. Your words have given me the encouragement I need right now to finish my memoir, so that others can receive the validation that we trauma survivors need so much.

        On second thought, though, I wish I had said it like this: “They break you, then they despise, mock, and shun you for being broken.” Because despise and hate basically mean the same thing. And it’s the shunning — being ignored, treated like you don’t exist, treated like you don’t count and your feelings don’t matter, because, after all, you are “crazy” — in my experience, being treated this way by your own family, is what hurts the most. Maybe even worse than the pain of the original traumas that caused my psychological/ptsd problems in the first place.

        Because, God forbid that these delightfully wonderful families of ours should ever be embarrassed by the fact that they have a daughter/sister/niece/cousin or granddaughter who is less than perfect, due to having been psychologically wounded by overwhelming trauma!

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      • I cannot wait to read your memoir. Your words are so moving and profound and you just have a way with your words. It is true!
        What they do to us is just this ongoing abuse in and of itself that perpetuates the original abuse so that we never can heal. We have to get away from it and them and that is just so sad. It shoudnt be this way. We should not have loss after loss and pain on top of pain. So much to overcome!
        You are very validating. Something that I have not had much of in my life. Writing your memoirs is almost critical for the healing of others as it will finally give them acceptance they may have never received. You are saving one person at a time that will read your words. Someone who may have never heard what you have written to me in these comments. Something I have waited 45 years to hear.
        It’s so ironic, I pay all of this money for therapy once a week. Half the time I am discussing how to get over my family and NOT the man who actually abused me!!! How CRAZY is THAT!

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  3. Anything to shift the blame and minimize your experience, as long as they don’t have to feel the guilt and shame of it. For whatever reason they prefer to live a lie. What others think is more important than their own precious daughter! It’s fucking sick. And they know they’re wrong. They know, somewhere within themselves that what you speak is the truth. Whether they admit it or not.

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  4. I can relate very strongly to feelings being dismissed due to the fact that I have mental illness. It’s one of the most frustrating things to deal with when people won’t even listen to you when you’re angry about something because they assume you’re just clouded or overreacting. Great depiction of the struggle.

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    • Being dismissed is one of the worst feelings. Not feeling heard can make a person feel worthless. I am working hard on not letting those people affect my well being. It is hard!!!thank you for your understanding words

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