There were these two little girls. One had blonde curly hair and she was young and she would delight in the little things and love in the little things and marvel at them and have no fear but simply love. I looked at her for awhile because she WAS ME. I was born with blonde hair and kept it for awhile. The darker hair girl was a little older. As I had gotten older my hair got a little straighter and a little darker. She still saw the light come through the flowers and the weeds in the woods, but she wanted to touch them and stare at them and wonder how long they had been there. The blonde girl had laughter and bounced around with no inhibitions. Sat on everyone’s laps and was sweet.
The darker hair girl was just quieter and more cautious. She hit behind the legs of her mother. She felt pushed to be the blonde girl but didnt want to be. The blonde girl was oblivious. The dark hair girl was watchful.
I saw them standing in the woods side by side. The blonde curly hair girl was 3 or 4 or 5 and the darker hair girl was 6 or 7 or 8.
I watched them standing in the sun wishing I could always be as joyous an free as the blonde girl. The dark hair girl had a bit of a darker side to her that was adventurous, daring, rebellious, mischievous. The blonde girl had none of this.
The blonde girl was always so shocked that the world had cruelty. She would mourn and cry uncontrollably at the tone of a voice or the death of an animal. The dark hair girl felt these same feelings but would get a shovel and do what needed to be done to bury the dead animal while feeling the sorrow.
The little blonde girl was very angelic like. In fact she could see angels. She spoke to them and they came to her to give messages to people still on earth while on their way to heaven.
The dark hair girl saw them too but only questioned God and why God would send angels with messages without answers for her.
Everyone came to the little blonde girl to steal all of her goodness. They took little pieces of her and she felt alone now. She started feeling afraid and asked the blown hair girl if she would protect her. The brown hair girl was not really a protector. She was her own person and didn’t want to take on this role.
THey both felt something was missing in their life but didn’t know what it was. Had someone been taken from them? Were they adopted and missing a twin? Were they separated at birth? There was always something…
Fast forward I awakened to my husband getting ready for work. I asked him why he was waking me up if he knew I hadn’t slept well. He told me to go back to sleep. I felt drugged. I heard a man. I asked why a man was in our house. I walked down the stairs and saw that there were children there and I was not home at all. I was in someone else’s house. I was so sweet to the people because I could turn the blonde girl sweetness on in a second but I felt anger rising. I asked why was I here. He smiled and said that I could no longer be trusted alone to care for myself and I needed to be monitored. I felt tricked, trapped, so I ran and saw some water, a lake outside, and immediately jumped in. I longed to swim in the water like I used to. A snake immediately bit me. I walked to the house and the woman said it was poisonous and I could die and I told my husband I hope he was happy that because of his choice I was going to die. But maybe that was what he wanted. He didnt seem to care about me. He wanted someone else to take care of me and he just wanted to be on with his life. Maybe it was what I wanted. I did not know anymore.
The woman in the house hooked some herbal concoction to my arm to try and suck the venom out. I hated, like only the brown hair girl did, and could. I hated everyone. The blonde hair girl was gone.
I woke up screaming for someone to help me but heard only my own voice as I woke up in my bed more confused than I have ever been in my life. It was just another nightmare but it felt more real than the bed I lay here in now.