Today I realized that this week I have had less anxiety than I have in years. Because I can’t remember. I feel like I am still living at home with my mom in denial world and in that world their was no anxiety. What bitch right??!!!!
Today was clean up from hurricane Irma day. Since the bundles of limbs on the side of the road will not be picked up for who knows how long we decided to burn all of ours. I was the quiet observer. I watched the fire all day. I wondered many things. When I looked at the fire I just became dazed. How does one tell the difference in dazed and dissociated? They feel very much the same to me. But this was a nice feeling so maybe that is the difference. I watched how the fire changed directions and how the smoke changed. It was mesmerizing. It brought a calm. (We know how to take precautions with fires fyi). The pile was so big I was concerned that little animals and birds would set up their homes there so I wanted to get rid of it before that happened.
Right before I came in my husband pointed out a dragonfly. I thought that by the time I came in and got my ipad he would surely be gone. He wasn’t! He sat for a long time looking at me and turning his head. I talked to him about life and how it felt to be a dragonfly. I’m pretty sure he understood me. He was the friendliest dragonfly I have ever encountered. He would flit up and around my head and then right back to the same spot on the stick. Then he’d look at me as I talked to him and he would fly around my arms and ipad and go right back to the same stick. He was the highlight of my day.
Before bed I heard my daughter shriek and I, as fast as my legs would carry me, went into the bathroom to see that a gecko had jumped on her while in the shower. I have caught and released many things in this house and he was my most unfavorite. Ofcourse I took time to take some photographs of him. He was very interesting and it is not everyday you get a gecko in your house. Had he jumped on me I cannot say all that would have happened was a shriek.