I am listening to a song right now that Mikell used to play for me. Mikell introduced me unknowingly to mindfulness when I was 17 years old. I was severely traumatized. So much was happening. I had attempted suicide and was put in a mental hosptial. I had these thoughts that are so fresh in my mind right now. What happens when I go home. Will anyone judge me. Will anyone care about what happened. Will I be ignored. Will the abuser still be there across the lake. Will anything have changed. Will anyone understand me. It was Mikell who put this song on by the Cure. It was a record. I remember the ticking sound of the record on the player. He then sat crossed legged and gently put my head down in his lap. He stroked my hair and told me to just listen to the music and feel his hand in my hair. Just do that. Only that. Don’t think about anything else. I can sit here right now and remember his hands in my hair. I can remember closing my eyes and listening to the words of Pictures of You. He didn’t know he was teaching me mindfulness, something I would resurrect 30 years later. Thank you Mikell. I know you are in heaven now and watching over. Thank you up there for giving me a moment of calm in chaos. 

My husband does the same thing for me now. He will pat his chest and tell me to lay my head down there and he will stroke my back and my hair. I can hear his heart beat and I focus on that. My husband is very grounding to me. He’s like a rock that ties me to the ground and doesnt allow me to just float off into the endless sky. When my head is about to explode with thoughts all I need is his chest to take all of those thoughts away. 

How incredible a simple act of kindness isn’t it? A gesture  that represents love and calm. I am grateful that in my life I have been blessed with men who counteracted those who have hurt me. Blessed. 

It started with Mikell. It was just a moment really. But isn’t it those moments that save our lives by reminding us that unconditional love exists and that good has more power than bad. I sit here tonight and I am not thinking the thousands of bad thoughts I could. I am thinking about a teenage boy who thought I mattered. 

15 thoughts on “Mikell

  1. Lovely post! Small acts of kindness can be very helpful and go a long way. ๐Ÿ™‚

    My husband does the same when I am anxious, stressed or whatever bad mood I am going through. He either has me lay on his chest or on the bed and he rubs my back. It takes me back to my childhood when my parents would rub my back every night until I fell asleep. Now it’s this permanent thing that will always comfort me and calm me down. I don’t normally like to be around people when I am super stressed and anxious, but my husband always had a way of calming me down and he is really the only person I let in that way. Like you said, my husband is also my rock and I don’t know what I would do without him.

    So glad you have someone in your life like that to keep you grounded and can calm you down in the most awful situations. ๐Ÿ™‚


  2. Thats lovely! Music is an amazing thing alright – like smell – holds the memories.
    I’ve never been very good at ‘mindfulness’, but I’m practising in my own way ๐Ÿ˜‰
    And I love you had good men to counteract and ground … thats very cool โค

    Liked by 1 person

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