Memory loss…what a ride!!!!!

OK. I have to laugh at the fact that I know I just wrote a blog post and a poem? Yeah. I cannot remember if I posted my mindful pictures from today so if I did, well…here they are again!!!!! I can’t go back and read my blog because it will give me a memory that I am supposed to remember on my own. So I have no clue if I posted these yet! Today is not a good memory day for me. Yesterday was better. It will ebb and flow and I guess halt for a few months. 

Today I got a CT of my brain to see if there are blockages that are causing the seizures. I had a Doctor appointment from my most favorite doctor ever. She listens. She hears. She processes. She acts. I adore her. I could not be in better hands than hers. One of my pupils is still affected from whatever happened to my brain from the seizures. I am still working on my seizure meds getting them to the max dose. We will not know about my memory until 6 months. I have fragmented memories. I remember everything from the past and things that people bring to my attention now. As soon as they remind me it will trigger a little memory and I go ohhh right I remember that. But some things still don’t make sense at all to me. So…that is where I am with THAT!!!!! I have some short term memory loss and long term memory loss. It is bizarre and odd. I guess whatever has caused my PTSD is not in the forefront of my memories right now because I have not been “triggered” today. At least not that I remember πŸ™‚

From my mindful walk with my husband we found every variety of lantana. White, yellow, yellow and pink, orange, and some of them were planted and one was just randomly in a ditch. The sunset in hues of orange, pink, lavender. When I got the CT dye it felt like this burning all over my body. He said it would feel like that because it had to be pushed fast for the angiogram of my brain. The sunset reminded me of that heat. But I tried to make that memory into something good. A sunset of warmth instead of dye of heat. As long as the day ends in the sky and flowers, then I call it a good day. 

17 thoughts on “Memory loss…what a ride!!!!!

    • Thank you!!!!!!
      I think they are ok or they would have called. It may be just epilepsy or seizures with an unknown cause but after talking to the doctor we realized that I have been having seizures for a very long time, just not grand mal seizures like I had a few weeks ago. I just hope the medication she put me on keeps them away for good. I don’t ever want to experience another seizure and I would rather my short term memory come back. And word recall. But Iwill get therapy for that. So my other therapy will be put on hold. Thank you for thinking of me. That’s more than I could ask

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    • I am not supposed to read my blogs because I am supposed to remember without having kind of a false memory put back. But it is odd. Like I KNOW that I wrote a poem about a tree bark but I can’t remember what I said.
      It will come back. In 6 months I will read through all my blogs. I looked through a lot of my pictures on my ipad and got very upset at what I could not remember in the last year so I have tried to stop doing that and just rest my mind. I am hoping sooner than later it will just all come back. I am starting to remember more and more from the last few years but like last night, gone.

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      • If I understand you correctly, the key to coping well with this situation is to relax and rest as much as possible and to try not to stress out about the memory lapses – to let nature take its course. That must be tough to do. I don’t know that I would have your courage given your circumstances. Hugs.

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      • I am supposed to limit my time with stimuli. So no TV. Breaks from the Ipad with my eyes closed, or glasses on, and ear plugs. Limited input from other voices so no long winded conversations. Basically healing from a brain injury so quiet. So writing is good for me because I can be quiet and just be with my thoughts but not overthink kind of thing. But then I get a headache so i have to turn it off. But yes, minimal stress. No new smells. No new anything. I have a list. I’ve already been on this too long looking for old followers and now I have a headache so I will be signing off for a few hours until it goes away.
        My walks I can do with sunglasses but I looked at my pictures last night I have taken in the last week and they are all pretty blurry. I guess pictures with sunglasses is not the greatest but they still remind me of my mindfulness when I look at the pictures. So I can do that. Not look back too far, but look at the pictures I took in the last few days.
        My husband tried to tell me a story that I forgot and I got vey very overwhelmed. We will see what the occupational therapist suggests. Maybe something different? Not sure.
        But thanks for caring as always I appreciate it

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  1. I wish I had something to say that would be helpful to you. I do think you are pretty damn amazing to have ALL this shit going on with your body…and your soul…and you still are capable of being mindful and finding joy where it is. Truly amazing πŸ’•πŸ¦‹

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    • Thank you!!!!!!
      Gosh I need to see if I m still following you. I will go check now.
      I DO Have a lot going on. It’s a crazy thing. I had a lot going on before but now with the seizures it has become a little bit RIDICULOUS. But so far I am ok and I still do enjoy my walks immensely

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