OK. I have to laugh at the fact that I know I just wrote a blog post and a poem? Yeah. I cannot remember if I posted my mindful pictures from today so if I did, well…here they are again!!!!! I can’t go back and read my blog because it will give me a memory that I am supposed to remember on my own. So I have no clue if I posted these yet! Today is not a good memory day for me. Yesterday was better. It will ebb and flow and I guess halt for a few months.
Today I got a CT of my brain to see if there are blockages that are causing the seizures. I had a Doctor appointment from my most favorite doctor ever. She listens. She hears. She processes. She acts. I adore her. I could not be in better hands than hers. One of my pupils is still affected from whatever happened to my brain from the seizures. I am still working on my seizure meds getting them to the max dose. We will not know about my memory until 6 months. I have fragmented memories. I remember everything from the past and things that people bring to my attention now. As soon as they remind me it will trigger a little memory and I go ohhh right I remember that. But some things still don’t make sense at all to me. So…that is where I am with THAT!!!!! I have some short term memory loss and long term memory loss. It is bizarre and odd. I guess whatever has caused my PTSD is not in the forefront of my memories right now because I have not been “triggered” today. At least not that I remember 🙂
From my mindful walk with my husband we found every variety of lantana. White, yellow, yellow and pink, orange, and some of them were planted and one was just randomly in a ditch. The sunset in hues of orange, pink, lavender. When I got the CT dye it felt like this burning all over my body. He said it would feel like that because it had to be pushed fast for the angiogram of my brain. The sunset reminded me of that heat. But I tried to make that memory into something good. A sunset of warmth instead of dye of heat. As long as the day ends in the sky and flowers, then I call it a good day.