a hard read for me. can you believe it is hard to read my own life!

NOT MY SECRET...My story...My truth

*lots of bad language, raw, real, triggers for abuse and rape*

I coped by complete avoidance for most of my life. Avoidance meant minimizing. Avoidance meant ignoring my own mind and my own body. I coped the same way that was modeled to me by my upstanding family, denial. Being numb. So when I spontaneously WOKE UP a little over two years ago, imagine my shock. Oh I never denied being abused as a child but it wasn’t spoken of. I went to therapy sessions where there was a lot of “sounds like you’re feeling sad” Hell yes you idiot I feel sad, I just  told you I was sad, now come up with something of value! When you wake up many things will happen. You will put people where they belong, in the correct catergory. Person A. You were an enabler to a child molester. Person B. You suppressed…

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17 thoughts on “Humiliation.

  1. Amen sister. You have every right to be angry. The humiliation belongs on those who hurt you. I completed years of therapy but have only just begun to address the impact of the sexual abuse from the safety of approaching 40. Forgiveness is a gift we give our self after we’ve had enough time to feel everything else we need to feel. I too fight flashbacks, physical pain, hypochondria, hypervigillence and a boatload of other symptoms. Feel all your feelings, including the good ones which got you this far. You’re a strong, good woman in spite of it all. What could be more beautiful? ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you!!!!
      For understanding. Being able to relate and understand.
      I wrote that post over a year ago and I am so proud of myself for coming to a better place now of understanding, acceptance of myself, I am glad I allowed myself to feel those feelings and then I have moved forward to finding joy and beauty in things. I still have very hard days, like you said of flashbacks and all of that but I have moved forward and I am so proud of that

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so sorry, this sounds awful. I’m lucky never to have been through this, so can’t imagine how it must have affected you. But it’s amazing that you are writing about it and I think you give a voice to all abuse victims as well as those struggling with other mental health issues. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I wrote this over a year ago and it has been interesting to look back over where I was in the processing and remembering and flashbacks and see how I feel now and where I am. Going through that time was so difficult. Processing is so difficult. But I have come to a more peaceful place now having gone through that


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