The timeline.

some details of past abuse

NOT MY SECRET...overcoming the shame of sexual abuse

While going through therapy I have struggled with a timeline. I blocked out years. I blocked out certain time periods. I understand why and I have been gentle with my memories but I desperately needed to know the chain of events that led me to different points in my life. I did not want to remember the blocked memories, they will come when I am ready.  I wanted to remember the blocked timeline so that when the memories come I can feel more in control. Knowing the timeline helps me to process the memory. The more I understand about myself and how I process trauma, the more I can change that muscle memory response. That is at least my hope. So I contacted every person that I still know from that time period and finally pieced together my memories and my timeline. Now I finally understand why “Trauma” is so…

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9 thoughts on “The timeline.

  1. I’m sorry you experienced all of this. A question came to mind while I was reading this post. You mention that these guys are still out there, and maybe even doing the same thing to other girls. I have the same problem with two of the guys who hurt me. What I’m wondering is whether we should do something about this, and maybe we’ll be able to prevent them from hurting anyone else?

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    • I’ve spoken to my husband about it and unfortunately here, in the state where I live, the statute of limitations has run out so it would have to be a civil case not a criminal case.
      Currently my health is not in a position to go through a court case.
      But it has bothered me over the years that HAD I known, had I been able to speak, and tell, and do something THEN, then they would not be still out there hurting other people.
      That is why I name them all in my blog so that if any other females run across them, etc. I have written so much about the child molester on my old ski team that when you google the ski team my blog comes up first and then the ski team, so people are warned about him there.
      I also spoke to my therapists about it. She said it is not my responsibility to save everyone else. That is hard to wrap my mind around.
      So I understand your thoughts as I have had them and still do

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      • That makes sense. It’s the same this side of the world unfortunately. I can also see your therapist’s point, although it doesn’t really sit too well with me. But what’s done is done and there’s nothing else we can do now. 😦 Sending love. ❤

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      • None of it has ever sat well with me either. When I was 15 years old I vandalized our waterski ramp that he was a molester just to warn everyone on the lake. But that was just one man. There were many and there has been no warning for them to the innocent. But just because he harmed me doesn’t mean I have to save other potential victims because him harming me was on him.
        But yeah…I sit with it a lot and it bothers me. Some days mort than others. Sending love to you too

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