I think some people are put in your life for a reason. Some people just feel like a gift. Some people come along at just the right time and then just move on with their lives. Some you look back and don’t feel sad over the loss but blessed at the short time you had them. Some you look back at their time with you and feel it was purely divine and their loss left a hole.And some people come into your life and are just assholes. They come in. They bring along some drama. Some havoc. And then they leave. Some catch you off guard because you thought they were there for some blessed reason. And some you knew were assholes all along but tolerated them just to not be lonely.
The blessing ones leave a bit of a hole when they are gone. You know even when you are with them that when they go you will have a void. Then when they are gone you know that void won’t be filled. They were rare. You knew it then and you still know it now.
The assholes you look back on and think why was I so lonely that I settled for an asshole who only fit me in their schedule when it was convenient for them but never made me feel like I truly mattered. But then you realize, oh yeah, I was just lonely as hell and I didn’t care.
The ones you think aren’t assholes but you later find out are leave a hole too. But not one that you wish would be filled. Because this hole is a stabbed one. It just leaves a space that you wish would heal but you aren’t sure how long that will take.
I like the blessings. I like those people that you meet on a bench, in a grocery store, at a park, on a walk. Those people who you may only spend five minutes with but you feel like you’ve been blessed in some way when they walk away. You find yourself smiling at the moment that you chose to take with this stranger.
I like the blessings that last a year. Where each moment and each day count and matter and you feel loved and understood and it is such a reciprocal relationship.
The longer the blessings the bigger the void and the harder it is to fill. The bigger he heart the bigger the hole and yet it is worth it just to love and be loved.
Truth be told there are a whole lot of assholes willing to try and bandaid that hole left by the blessings for their own selfish purposes which makes the wound even bigger.
I notice the blessings.
I notice the assholes.
I feel the wounds.
I wish they would heal.