SoCS: Dark poetry: season


The season of forgiveness.

Gives me

Somehow the blame.

I must forgive

I must carry 

Again

Your weight.

I hear the reason

But I’m tired of the pressure

Of the forgiveness season.

As if I will receive 

Notable fame.

Disdain destroys

As equally as hate.

I have contempt.

I have disdain.

I have hate. 

Let me out

Long enough 

To just 

Breathe

Your name.

What’s left

Are your remains

Which will 

Not be mourned

As the dust 

Just

Blows away.

I am set free

From your chains.

THEN love will reign.

Only then

Will the love

Rain.

You

Are

Not 

My 

Shame.

*I must admit this is NOT where I thought this stream of consciousness would lead me but I guess this is why it is called stream of consiousness. I thought the poem would go one way and it took a dark turn!

This was part of 

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Oct. 21/17

24 thoughts on “SoCS: Dark poetry: season

    • I sat down to write about this season of the Voice. Like seriously where did that poem even come from!!!!???? But in the spirit of stream of consciousness the rules are….what I followed. Funny how things work that way though isn’t it.
      I didn’t credit my daughter for the bottom picture. It was her idea and she took the picture. Other one was by me which my husband says is haunting but I believe it gets the purpose from words to a photograph.
      Thank you again!

      Liked by 2 people

    • Kind of cool actually to sit down and start writing about this season of the voice and all of a sudden this poem comes out of nowhere. Showed me what was really on my mind. A lot deeper than the tv season of the voice that’s for sure. It was great for awareness. Thanks for your comment

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  1. I remember when I wrote about my mother saying something about ‘getting me to forgive her’ and you commented about it. You said, “YOU forgive HER? Did she even apologize? Did she ask for an apology?”

    You pointed out to me how that is putting the responsibility of all on me. How she was taking what was hers and putting it on my back. (Not surprising though since I realized how good she has been at that game.)

    You helped me realize and make sense of this manipulation. And it has stayed with me. It helps me put things into perspective when it comes up again. It makes total sense. How can the forgiveness come from the offended when the perpetrator isn’t asking for it?

    Great poem! I loved how ‘rein’ became ‘rain’ and how you used one word per line at the end.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am really glad that I was able to put that in perspective. Really really glad. I didn’t know if it was spelled rein or reign but it said either. I have no idea !! I looked back at it so many times after I wrote it and was like is that wrong?
      I hadn’t planned on writing this but it just flowed right out.
      Thank you for commenting. Always love your comments.
      I haven’t read your post yet. I went to the prairie all night to take pictures of the sky. It was so beautiful . I had to get out of my head and that’s hard to do in my house.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m like that too. I let my mind wander and explore because I don’t always like to stick to a straight path. I kinda have an idea in the beginning then it ends up coming out to something else 🤔 But then I go back and make more changes if I don’t like how it turns out

    Liked by 1 person

    • Since it was stream of consciousness you aren’t supposed to go back or edit or change anything. So I was like. Welllllll looks like this is what the post will be!!!! I just wasn’t expecting all of that to come out like it did. Glad it did though.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. A wonderful poem. I can see how writing this way would help in recovery and healing. I understand what you mean about forgiveness. How if we don’t forgive, then we can be blamed for that. As if we need any more blame and shame.

    The feelings I had for my father were so mixed up. He could be kind, helpful, generous and funny. But he was twisted sexually and could lose his temper so fast, as he came towards me in anger, it was terrifying.

    I had blocked most of what happened until I was 45 yrs old. Then I was alone with him overnight when he was sick and my mother was out of town. Parts of memories came flooding back. I didn’t know what was happening to me. Then I talked with my sisters and they told me they had been molested by my father’s brother. They had never told anyone all their lives. When they told me this utterly shocking thing, that I’d never thought was part of my family, I knew the memories and dreams I was having now were true.

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    • That sounds really terrifying to not remember then have all of that flood back at once. The brain has an amazng way of trying to protect us and then when it reaches it’s limit it opens the flood doors.
      I’m really glad your sister was there to validate everything you had dreamed. I’m glad she had someone to finally tell. That had to be a had secret to keep all of those years

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      • It was terrifying. I stayed in bed for hours a day thinking. I could hardly talk to anyone. I started drinking and drank as much as I could afford to buy. After a year of that I went to AA and to counseling.

        I was depressed, suicidal and self-harming. Meanwhile, I was keeping up a happy face for my grandchildren. I felt no hope and no happiness. I felt dead inside. The first happy feeling came 2 years after remembering. I was with my family on a picnic. It was a beautiful day, my grandchildren were laughing, and I realized there could still be beauty in the world.

        Still, after that I battled severe depression. That is why I compared our lives to Job, in the Bible. His suffering was so bad he wanted to die. I’ve looked forward to death since remembering. At times, I have begged God to kill me so my mind could be at peace. One time, when asking him for this I felt him say,”I could do that. But would you want to stay if I told you you can help some people if you live?” I said, “okay, I would want to stay in that case.” Well, that was over 2 years ago, and yes, I have helped many people. Mostly my family, but not all. At that time, I didn’t know I would be taking care of my mother, whom I love so much. Our daughters needed my help too, and sisters.

        So, I felt useless, but God showed me I wasn’t. These last 2 years I’ve been mostly free of depression and suicidal thoughts, for which I am thankful. Joyce Meyer has helped me learn a new way of thinking that has helped me tremendously. Thanks for listenin, Bethany.

        Bethany. A beautiful name. A city where Jesus often stayed, and his closest friends on earth lived there.

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  4. I forgot to add that For some strange reason, I found it easy to forgive my father. But I think it is because i never have allowed myself anger because that would have meant death. He would have killed mr, and i knew it.

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    • It’s the same idea of fighting back. I knew I could not or I would be dead.
      I’m glad you were able to forgive. It means different things for different people and each has their own reason I think for the challenge of it.
      Is your father still alive?
      I’m sorry I can’t remember.
      Forgiveness is a word many use and put on us but I think it is personal choice in how and why we do that or don’t. I honor your choice

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you, Bethany. He died around 15 years ago. When my memories returned, I went to a psychologist and quit visiting my parents. I could not be in my father’s presence.

        My mom knew something was up. I told her everything and she believed me. She left my father and moved in with us. One memory I had never forgotten was my sister telling me, when I was 13, that our grandma told her Dad had hurt me “down there” when I was ver young. Grandma had told Mom and Mom had not believed her. Mom told me later, “I never believed anyone.”

        For me, forgiveness is not condoning anything that happened. It is just the lack of hatred and wanting that person to repent and be saved. I don’t think we have to have any kind of relationship with that person. Some people are too toxic and dangerous to our well-being to be around.

        Liked by 1 person

      • You are such a beautiful inspiring person! I feel so grateful to know you and learn from you and know your story.
        I am so sorry those things happened to you!
        Thank you for sharing your thoughts on forgiveness. You always give me such a great perspective

        Liked by 1 person

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