Three Common Grief Sayings that can Cause More Pain than Comfort

Beautifully said!

The Other Side of Complicated Grief

If you have lost someone you love, you know that there are no guidelines or instructions on how to get through your grief. You also know that people who try to support you will offer well known platitudes in an attempt to comfort you, but many of these comments do nothing more than confuse and hurt you.

It has been a decade since I lost my husband and son within two years of each other. Immediately after my losses, when some of these comments were made to me, I didn’t understand why I felt more upset than comforted by the statements. A decade later, I now have some insight into why, at least for the griever, these comments can cause additional pain. And why those wanting to support a loved one should use them with caution.

#1 Grief will make you stronger

I have never bought into the “what doesn’t…

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9 thoughts on “Three Common Grief Sayings that can Cause More Pain than Comfort

    • Or how about …he’s in a better place now….or …..at least he isn’t suffering anymore…..or…..at least you had the time you did……
      I had to reblog this posts because it is so important to spread awareness of SHUTTING UP!!!!!!

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  1. Ugh that ridiculous “Everything happens for a reason.” Yeah that reason happened BEFORE the event in question though. It’s called cause and effect, there is not some magical meaning behind it.

    I am guilty of it though. But luckily I never used it (to my recollection) to someone who had lost a loved one. I said it to my sister once when she and her husband didn’t get a house they put a bid on. She was genuinely upset and after I used that phrase I also said, there is a better house for you.

    But losing a house to a higher bidder is much different than losing someone she loved. I remember not knowing to say, “I’m sorry for your loss” and it took me hearing someone else saying it to know.

    Now I wouldn’t even say “It happened for a reason” for any reason.

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  2. Even though time does heal wounds somewhat, it’s a horrible thing to say to someone who has just lost someone.
    When I lost my husband to suicide, I just wanted people near, and they didn’t necessarily need to speak. When people did say the wrong thing, I forgave them, because it’s a hard thing to know what to say.

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    • Iam very sorry you lost your husband. It is hard to know what to say. As a hospice chaplain I saw a lot of frustrated people hearing things that only made them feel worse when really they just needed love. But the person who was saying the wrong thing did not have ill intention. Just didnt know what to say really.

      Liked by 1 person

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