Audry was different. When she was a little girl she wondered if she were even real. She knew when she danced in the rain and watched the other children, she was the only one who felt each drop. She knew when she swam under the deep waters of the sea that only she could feel a connection to everything beneath. Others sought the physical, she found the feelings. She could feel other’s pain in her own body. She had a knowing.

Audry was confused. She was taught the bible, read the bible, knew of “spiritual gifts” but was treated like they were a curse. How could one see spirits and not have a mental illness? How could she see spirits at all? If they were real then where was heaven? Why were these spirits not there? The bible says there are spiritual gifts, why was this so confusing.

Audry was afraid. She was afraid of death. She wanted to be in the arms of the Lord but what if she would wander in some in between place like the ones she saw? What if there were not a straight path to heaven? What if she got lost? She felt God’s hand and knew He would lead her yet there was a slight doubt. Did that mean she had no faith? How could God give her messages if she had no faith? She had to have faith!

Audry was special. She knew that she had one foot on this earth and one in between. She didn’t know where in between was but she was shown by the angels that she was special. She was presented with those who needed her help to deliver messages, which she did. She gave peace to those who felt alone. She drove to where God led her to deliver these messages.

Audry had dreams. The messages used to come in dreams. She knew because she woke up and always felt His presence and cried with humility at the gift He had given her. He allowed a heavenly being to meet with her deep in her dreams. Dreams of the past. Dreams of the future. Dreams of the now. Not to interfere with free will but maybe to just mix in God’s will with that.

Audry wondered. Why did God choose who He chose? Why was she to help strangers? Those who didn’t even seem worthy? What of those needing answers? The innocent children? Why could she not guide them? Why just messages from the dead to the living? Why were some protected in this way and some left to wander. She wondered, what was she and why was she really here.

It was so simple in the beginning. There were no questions. Clear messages. Knowledge. Feeling other’s pain. Knowing other’s thoughts.

Then one day she was running at a football field and she saw people. There were people on the stadium seats looking out over the field. She glanced as she climbed the steps. When she turned to go back down, they were gone.

Why were they there?

Why could she see them and others could not?

They were real!

How would she be able to differentiate between real and spirit if they both looked the same?

She started seeing the bad in individuals as dragons. She’d look at their smiling faces as a dragon popped out of the top of their heads and she knew that they had….what? Evil? Confusion? What was the dragon?

If she could “see” why could she not protect herself and her family? Why did the bad befall those she loved and yet she could help others she did not know?

She always knew she was different. How different though? How much would this change and evolve? Would she just one day step into the light and never turn back? Could it be that easy?

Then what though?

Audry was afraid! If she died right now would her mission be…to be continued? Could she just go be with God?

She was lifted once into the heavens and only stayed there for 3 seconds. She was told if she stayed longer that her heart would explode because the love that was there is nothing like we know here. The colors are that which could not be explained. The peace was nothing she would feel again. Only in that 3 seconds could she really “know”.

Those who were lost were coming to her to be found.

Her dreams started becoming more of a reality than the daylight hours.

She was taken to different time periods, learned different languages, communicated with the Holy ones.

They filled her mind.

It was not easy anymore. She used to console, comfort, and love. The more she was given the more she wanted. She needed to help more. She needed to do something of worth but nothing seemed worthy enough.

When she was not dreaming she felt abandoned. Where was God? Did He hand pick and space out those who needed a voice and understanding? Did she need a break?

Audry felt 90 percent in the spiritual realm and only 10 in the physical. She felt colors in her soul. She felt the animals and the trees and the butterflies as if they were part of her very self.

She knew others would never understand.

She only shared her messages with those who were intended to hear them.

She shared a message with me.

She shared her life with me.

She told me when she saw the movie “Sixth sense” and the main character said, “I see dead people,” she said in return, “I DO TOO!!!”

I looked at her and had a thousand questions. Her body was failing. Her life was full of suffering. Why would God give her a gift only to then allow her to have a life of pain. A life where she could not even help those she loved the most. A life where she helped strangers.

I looked at Audry and I wondered…what was her destiny?


Body for sale



Their signature


Onto my


A body


What you

Think you


The truth

It is

right here


Right down

To the starved bones.

But the eyes.

Look at the eyes.


It shows their lies.

All of me

They took.

To reclaim my soul

I scorched them.

Their names,

Their remembrance.

I singed off their ownership.

I burned





My life is no longer

Their parody.

My body no longer

Their symphony

My soul no longer

Theirs to keep.

No longer their slave

I set myself free


A simple




Am not

That girl.


I never was.


You gave me your secrets,

I gave you mine,

A long lifetime ago.

That bond does not sustain a friendship

It is a seed,

That could grow,

Or merely be blown.

Our secrets do not bind us,

For I’ve taken

A different road.

I’ll not give your secrets away,

A promise

I will keep.

Nor will I carry them any longer,

It’s time I blow

This dandelion


Dark poetry

The neurons

Have misfired.

Igniting flames.



Thousands of me

Screaming to be released.

Clawing at the brain

Climbing out each nostril

As I breathe.

They all run free

Wild in nudity.

So I rest in this moment

Watching the run of insanity

Finally leaving me.

The explosion in my brain

Momentarily subsides.

Little ones


I’ve reached

A comfortable sigh


And out

My chest will rise

And fall.

But in my thumb

I start to feel

An uncomfortable


They forgot to mention he was an abuser!

Can’t access the link. Don’t worry. I will provide you with the content.

Looks like they forgot to mention that he molested me. Gave me life long PTSD. Cost me thousands of dollars in therapy. Cost me thousands of hours of pain and suffering and YET he is honored?

How does HE get honored???

Where is my honor for enduring and surviving his abuse. Where is the honor that should have been giving to me through validation of the ski club members that knew I was being abused. Where is the honor in my family supporting what I went through and still do because of this man. Where?

Keystone heights. A place where they honor child molesters and toss their children to the wolves. Congrats to them.

Guess it just slipped their mind to do the right thing. Cowards.