I got to the prairie determined to allow myself to be true to me. I drove past the birds. I drove past the sky and the clouds. I was mindlessly gripping the steering wheel. I was running. I was trying to fun from me.
I looked to my left and saw her. She was way out in the field. I slammed on the brakes, kicked it in reverse, and threw the door open.
She was giving birth. A female cow out on the prairie. I videotaped as her baby was standing and as she was licking her baby off. I video taped as her baby took her first steps. I started to cry. No sound came out. My legs fell. I crumpled in the road sobbing silently and I could not stop.
I thought of that mother cow and her baby. I thought of my own baby. How much watching her suffer has hurt my heart in ways no one will ever EVER know. So I found my authenticity in my own silent tears.