Authenticity part 5

After visiting the animals on the farm I was sure I would be able to stop crying but as soon as I left them the tears continued to fall. I wanted to scream out in pain. I wanted to make some sort of sound but still nothing came.

I made my way back to the prairie and the birds had a voice for me. The red winged black birds were there. The sandhill cranes came with their powerful voices. All singing and calling out in unison WE HEAR YOU. I took pictures of them. I videotaped their sounds. Then I saw the lavender sky. I went to take a picture of it when I saw that the camera was still on me. So here is my tearful selfie with a sun. Unintentional yet what can be more authentic. Crying. Real emotion. Real sorrow. Real pain. It is written all over my face in each of the pictures I have posted tonight. No make up. No perfectly done hair. A tank top (I had a flannel shirt on that was sprayed with the scent maker in the bathroom so it was immediately shredded).

But this is authentic. This is real. And I find beauty in it. Infact, I find more beauty in this one picture of myself than I do in the pictures I have of myself all made up and dressed nicely posing.

So, I stopped crying. I drove home. I told my husband and daughter about my day. My husband stroked my back and layed my head on his chest. I listened to his heart beat as he stroked my hair. I am completely authentic with him. My daughter made a cute joke about how he would react if he came home and I had an apron on with a pie on the table for him. We all laughed. That’s not the wife he wants. He wants authenticity. With that does come some tears. It also comes with unconditional love.

19 thoughts on “Authenticity part 5

      • I really, truly do understand!

        Bethany, I was just watching a YouTube video that my neurofeedback therapist recommended to me. I have had the most amazing response to my neurofeedback treatments, it’s like my brain has been completely rewired. My therapist told me recently that he thinks I don’t have PTSD anymore, and I believe he is right. My PTSD symptoms began in 1965, long before Post-traumatic Stress Disorder became an official psychiatric diagnosis. Do you know how amazing it is, after living with severe PTSD for more than half a century, and after trying every other therapy I could find — with only limited improvement — to now be symptom FREE?!

        The video I just watched at my therapist’s recommendation is not about neurofeedback, however. This is about an alternative healing therapy for multiple, diverse physical disorders, which my therapist recommends to his patients that have physical problems, as well as emotional and mental issues. Because of my autoimmune illness and other health issues that I have been dealing with, my therapist suggested that I watch this video.

        I kept thinking of you all the way through the video. Yes, I know you have already tried many alternative heath therapies, just as I have tried so many different therapy methods for my PTSD, with little or no benefit. But after watching this video, rather than have the additional surgery my medical doctor has recommended, I am going to try this oxidative therapy, first:


      • I SOOO want to do neurofeedback but we don’t have anyone in our town that does it. I had wanted that done for my daughter too for her POTS diagnosis because it is a treatment that they do up in Cleveland clinic for POTS. So i KNOW it works.
        I am so thrilled for you. Just beyond thrilled to know that it worked for you and you are doing so well. Thank you so much for the video link. I will watch it tonight.
        Most of my therapy has giving a 1% help. 1% here and there with coping but in the throws of a full out PTSD moment I have found nothing to help me yet. I am still looking.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I love the photos and your Realness, btw 😘😘. It does take courage to show one’s true face in a raw moment. Definitely no Photoshopping there! That’s a good thing; you’re so much more beautiful the way you really are πŸ’šπŸ’™πŸ’š

    Liked by 1 person

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