After visiting the animals on the farm I was sure I would be able to stop crying but as soon as I left them the tears continued to fall. I wanted to scream out in pain. I wanted to make some sort of sound but still nothing came.
I made my way back to the prairie and the birds had a voice for me. The red winged black birds were there. The sandhill cranes came with their powerful voices. All singing and calling out in unison WE HEAR YOU. I took pictures of them. I videotaped their sounds. Then I saw the lavender sky. I went to take a picture of it when I saw that the camera was still on me. So here is my tearful selfie with a sun. Unintentional yet what can be more authentic. Crying. Real emotion. Real sorrow. Real pain. It is written all over my face in each of the pictures I have posted tonight. No make up. No perfectly done hair. A tank top (I had a flannel shirt on that was sprayed with the scent maker in the bathroom so it was immediately shredded).
But this is authentic. This is real. And I find beauty in it. Infact, I find more beauty in this one picture of myself than I do in the pictures I have of myself all made up and dressed nicely posing.
So, I stopped crying. I drove home. I told my husband and daughter about my day. My husband stroked my back and layed my head on his chest. I listened to his heart beat as he stroked my hair. I am completely authentic with him. My daughter made a cute joke about how he would react if he came home and I had an apron on with a pie on the table for him. We all laughed. That’s not the wife he wants. He wants authenticity. With that does come some tears. It also comes with unconditional love.