Poem and photo

I look at your vodka

Your fashion statement scarf

Barely a chill in the air

Oh but you MUST wear

I look at the heels and your wife

Of plastic

Your pretentious parties

And your boisterous laugh.

All eyes on you

Always the eyes on you

So no one noticed me

In the corner

Pulling at my sleeves

Trying to blend

Into the wall

I didn’t want to be seen

Then they’d notice me bleed

Shhh

Don’t notice me.

Not like you

With your plethora of friends

And your slithering schemes.

As I sit

Picking at my nails

Peeling my chapped lips.

I see you’ve gnawed yourself down

To their typical little bit.

But you did win.

I will give you that.

You and your wife

And your million dollar plat.

You won the prize

You’ve got it all

The biggest christmas tree

The most expensive car

And that fucking

Flannel Florida scarf

I hereby give you the gold star

I’ll stick it on your forehead

Like they did after ballet class

You’ll wear it for attention

Listening to your friend pleaser cool jazz

While snickering over my “fat ass”

It’s alright really.

You go ahead with your liquor laugh

Here here I will even come out of the corner,

Lift my dry glass

For the day of reckoning

Is coming for you

And fast.

The eye of the Son

Watching at last.

34 thoughts on “Poem and photo

  1. This makes me remember the neighbor who has a yearly party (is it July 4?) and you sit in your wheelchair among the parked cars and have never been invited in. They don’t know what they’re missing, and serves them right.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh my gosh Nan. How on earth do you remember this!!!!!!
      I’m adopting you I’ve decided!!!! Someone who actually notices and remembers the things I talk about. This I think is a first for me!!!
      It is July 4th. And I sit out and watch their fireworks every year.
      I had a dream the other night of a party my family went to and that’s what the poem was about. But hey. It could fit in so many places in my life!!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Funny how that works huh?… the abuse factor … do u have ongoing stupid drama that comes from nowhere ?… I have fought very hard to overcome these stupid Acute Stress Disorder symptoms I was diagnosed with a year ago due to extremely hostile work environment.. as I pray about … i feel it is time to get some more support… so planning to meet with a counselor… I’ve fought for a long time in my own … but am just so tired … giving in to the need to explore the stuff I still need healing for …

        Like

      • I can’t get away from it!!! I try! But it finds me. People find me. Past finds me. And the created drama people do brings up past abuse issues and then it is like I am trapped in their world because they just want me to be even though I’ve wanted out for a very long time. Stupid drama coming from everywhere!!!!
        It’s hard though, i wake up some days, open my eyes, and have a panic attack for no reason. It is very frustrating. I won’t even have a thought. It is as if my body is stuck in fight of flight and has no idea how to get out. It’s why I do my 2 hour mindful walks every day to remind it of what it feels like to be calm and not on alert all the time and not overstimulated.
        I did therapy for a year and it was just not the right fit for me. I am taking a little break and then looking for something more gentle. This was called somatic therapy specially for trauma recovery but it was too intense. I need a nice once a month calm coping type therapy. I don’t really need to talk as much as I need skills.
        We ALL need more help. As alone as this has been to be dealing with PTSD and anxiety and the past and the current drama, we all need extra love and validation and support and I totally encourage that and am really glad you are reaching out to get what you need to help you move forward. Exploring healing ideas is awesome

        Liked by 2 people

      • Yes… tough last couple weeks for me too… started with that stuff I wrote about and last night ex husbands ex girl friend was stalking me again… sometimes … I get scared to tell folks about stuff when it comes… afraid I won’t be believed… or think I’m going out looking for drama … but I’ve been trying really hard to hide from it… thanks for understanding:)… it helps

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sometimes are lives are filled with such bad people that it is hard to believe that one person can have had so much continued chaos that is not self induced BUT I will always believe you because I am living it!!! We cannot control what other people do to us, sadly, and who decides to poke their nasty face into our life and disrupt our calm. I mean if you look at my life, well I told some stranger about my life in a deli just this week and he was like wow they should make a movie out of your life it would be quite the movie!!! And it would. I often think that people won’t believe me but that is just conditioned becaue no one believed of my illlnesss, no one believed i was abused, no one supported me so it is my fall back emotion but all that i put on my blog and what you write about ( and you should keep writing about it!!!) is all true and raw and honest as life should be!
        I’m so sorry you have had a hard couple of weeks. I think hiding just makes it worse. I like to call all that crap out and just release it!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You are right, these abusers will one day come face to face with God. They will have no excuse for the evil they have done. Excellent poem. Puts me right there at the party. They worship their money, status, possessions and themselves.

    Like

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