Photo of my husband’s arm and another photo of him on the beach taken by me. *
To see him…
I closed my eyes and tried to memorize.
His bicep felt like the size of when I used to cook chicken breast. Raw chicken breast slab right under the skin. If you’ve cooked chicken (which I nolonger do, you will know what this feels like).
That is the first thing that came to mind!
When flexed it felt like the consistency of a hard boiled egg. But the size of a softball maybe?
His forearms had long veins that were bulging out that traveled from his inner elbow down to his wrist.
I felt the metal plate in one wrist under the skin
I felt the slight atrophy of the incision on his other arm.
His forehead was round with a sharp jaw and a chin that was broader than I noticed with my eyes.
His eyebrows were like a wirecoated terrier! Thin and wiry with deep set eyes. High cheekbones that protruded some.
His abs I could count and were rippled. His skin felt thin all over his abdomen and thickened at his chest. I could feel no bones as he is all muscle. His traps going into his shoulders were firm and large. I could not wrap both hands around his shoulder muscle it is so large nor his arm.
But I kept going back to his face and the bridge of his nose. It was more thin that I imagined and the end did not point up or down just a straight line.
His fingers even have muscle in them. Each one like a thick sausage with hard as a rock callouses on each point of his palm. His nails more square than round. His hands strong with veins that I could feel on the tops.
But his face. The face I have seen millions of times in the light, felt completely different when I closed my eyes. It had more edge, sharper, jagged, and strong like his body. I could feel all the bones in his face, though, with no puffiness and tight skin. He is just as beautiful with my eyes closed if not more than when they were open.
I have layed my head on his chest and heard his heart beat every day for 22 years. I have held his hand in my hand and run my hand over his body many a time. But to touch someone to learn their body, skin, hair, curves and veins with no other intention that just memorize is different.
But his face was where I FELT him. His arms have held me. But touching his face I really knew him.
But do you know someone by the feel of their face? Do you know someone by the beat of their heart? The sound of their laugh? The feel of their arms around you?
I believe I know my husband by the depths of his capacity to love, but it was a fascinating experience to see him for the first time with my eyes closed.