I was out yesterday for my daily sunset viewing.
Why do I go out every night and watch the sunset?
11 years ago I was diagnosed with a muscle disease. I was told I could never do physical therapy, I could never drive again, I would never build strength again. Infact, I was told, the more I did, the worse I would get.
10 years ago I walked to the mailbox. I started walking to the mailbox once a day. Then I started swiffering. I swiffered one room. Then I slowly moved to 2 rooms. Eventually after months, I was able to swiffer the entire house.
I started thinking…If I could build up the strength to do this then maybe I could drive again.
This process was very slow. It was what I call a marathon, not a sprint. Slow and steady. Resting, Balance.
I started the driving process in my own driveway. Just moving the car into the drive position hurt my arm. Opening and closing the door hurt my arm. Lifting my foot from the gas pedal to the brake hurt my foot/shin/leg. It took a few weeks to just be able to move my foot from brake to gas and put the car in drive without having days of pain after.
After I overcame that pain and fully recovered, I moved on to driving up and down the driveway. This progressed slowly over NINE months. Do you know how much patience that took! I did imagery. Every night I imagined driving further, moving my arms and legs and standing up out of the car and sitting back into the seat. I finally, after 9 months was able to drive to the prairie, one mile away. One mile there. One mile back.
So when you see the sunset that I cherish, it has huge meaning for me.
It means I did not give up on my dream. I created a hope, faith, and a dream. I worked to make that dream happen.
It did not happen overnight.
It took patience. It took balance. It took an extreme amount of pain.
Had I listened to every doctor I have ever seen I would still be laying in my bed, barely walking to the kitchen to make us food. Now I do know I have a disease and I listened to the Doctor’s in the way that I took everything in balance and I listened to my body and rested.
My point of this blog is to show everyone that we have to have dreams! It may have been and could have been just walking to the mailbox. I was happy with that!
My bucket list 2 years was 1. Go to the beach 2. Drive 3. Run 4. Go to Cedar key and take a picture of the sunset 5. Go to california and take a picture of the sunset. 6. Learn to be mindful 7. Live with no regret each and every day
I have gone to the beach four times! It took almost a year but I was able to finally drive every single day to the prairie and watch the sunset. It took months to learn to be mindful on my wheelchair walks but I have accomplished it. I live each day with no regret. I still have a few things on my list. One of them was to run.
Every day for a year that I have been driving to the prairie I have visualized running. I know with this disease progressing, my bones deteriorating, my left leg so severely atrophied, that this may not be crossed off my bucket list. I often imagined flying with the birds over the prairie as I ran across it.
Yesterday something quite amazing happened. I drove to the prairie to watch the sunset. This is what greeted me.
Then a woman who I have never seen jogged past me as I was sitting there taking this picture. She looked over her shoulder and smiled. A thought crossed my mind. I need to run! There would be consequences. I knew the danger. I knew the risk of breaking my hip and femur and tearing all of my muscles. I knew all of this.
I also knew I wanted to run one last time.
I made a finish line for myself.
I looked up at the birds flying. I looked up at the clouds and the sun.
I set up my ipad and pressed record.
I then stepped out. Squat down and decided to run my marathon. I said” ready, set go” and I ran with every ounce of strength I had in my body. I flew. I flew across the prairie. I ran faster than I thought ever possible. I lifted my arms up to the sky and thanked God, the birds, the clouds, the earth, that I had crossed the finish line of my marathon!
I walked back. I turned of my ipad. I then lay on the prairie and cried for a very long time. I won. I crossed the finish line. I won the marathon. The birds saw it. God saw it. They prairie saw it. I did not let life defeat me. I did not let the muscle disease or the bone disease or the PTSd or anything defeat me. I ran. One last time.
I later looked back at the video and I was barely moving. In my mind though, I ran. In my memory, I ran.
I went out to the cranes and thanked them for watching me run. I will post a video of them in the blog after this to make sure it works.
I got home and my husband immediately bombarded me with alphalipoic acid, magnesium, calcium, electrolytes, a high protein meal, etc. My muscles started to shake violently. He gave me a full body massage and then made me drink PICKLE JUICE. I almost threw up but it worked! Needless to say I have had multiple massages since then and was taken to lunch and a mindful walk in my wheelchair to rest my body today. He watched my video. My daughter watched my video. It was one of my most victorious moments ever. I am so happy to share it with you all.
I have had setbacks in life, pain, health issues, PTSD, trauma…But I ran. I ran. I kept dreaming. I kept living.
Keep dreaming. Keep living!
My daughter lovingly put this to music! I so love her for that.