JusJoJan or SoCS Darkness: poetry

#JusJoJan 2018, the 19th – Darkness

I wanted a little bird party

I know you think it’s silly

But I set up their food

Outside my window

And waited to see

Who’d come

To my little party.

Two hours passed

Three hours more.

I sat up the night before

Planned how I’d have the strength

To put the feeder in the ground

My leg could barely push it down

For one little bird

I could hear them at the sixth hour

Up in the trees their songs heard

So I was sure

Absolutely sure

I just wanted one little bird.

To know someone was listening.

The feeder sat empty.

I kept thinking

All those people on their phones

Watching their tvs

I waited 7 hours for one bird to see.

Typically I would feel gratitude

For the multitude

Of birds I’d already previously seen.

Today was different.

Today I felt weak.

Today I felt a tiny need

To not have to seek

But to just be able to sit

And see.

I left in a state

I call the red.

That place

Where you think

You’re just done

Feeling the weighted dread

Into the darkness

I fell deeply

A solitude

Isolated

Where there is no solace

Just this emptiness

This loss

This soul death.

Even the cold air sees no breath.

I know no one knows

No one can

I’ve shouted to the thousand

But unless you are inside of me

You can’t know the prison

So I drove into the darkness

And the clouds followed me.

Body numb

Fingers tingly

Tears silently streaming

I looked up.

There was pink!

Right above me.

Darkness surrounded every inch of sky

But that pink above my head

Watching me cry.

Why

I’m so alone

Why give me a pink sky?!

I took it as a sign

Just a little more time

I lay in my bed now

Looking at the pink streaks

Wondering

If tomorrow the birds wanted their party.

I can give it one more day

And see…

Hoping this darkness

Leaves.

*unfiltered unedited spontaneous picture taken by me in my moments of despair…the pink sky

21 thoughts on “JusJoJan or SoCS Darkness: poetry

  1. I think the pink was a gift from God. Very lovely. I once put a bird feeder on my balcony. It took 3 days for birds to come. I then found out why we weren’t allowed to hang bird feeders at my apartment building. Birds came and came. I once counted 30 birds there. Bird poop all over and seed shells strewn everywhere. Yep. Had to take it down so I wouldn’t get in trouble.

    Like

    • I absolutely agree, it was a gift!
      Mt husband said he thought it
      would take a few days too.yikes bird poop everywhere!!!!!! I was just going to hang it for a few days for the migratory birds,i knew the squirrels would find it and eat it all

      Liked by 1 person

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