Robert Goldstein wrote a blog about recognizing himself. If you aren’t following him I highly recommend it. He is very talented and wise.
I was thinking about his post as I was on my walk today taking pictures of randomness that caught my eye and allowed me to be mindful. A piece of grass still alive in an entire yard that was dead, a tree stump with one leaf and one acorn, a piece of fern coming back to live when everything around it had been frozen in the latest freeze, a camellia bush that was entirely red and one that is just like my 14 year old but at least 10 times it’s size, and a few feathers that I consider a reward for my picking up a few sticks in my yard.
As I looked at these photos on my camera they looked exactly as I saw them I tried one last one to see if my camera picked up the layers of blue in the sky and it did!
My camera showed me just what my eyes did.
Then I decided to take a picture of myself. It looked nothing like me. This wasn’t how I saw myself.
So I thought, ok. I have never used these filters before so I switched the dial and tried again.
Nope again and again.
I tried the last one.
And I KIND of BARELY saw myself.
So why even with filters can I not see myself as I feel myself? When all of the other pictures I found beauty but I. Outdoor not find beauty in me?
But I feel beauty in me just not when I look at myself. That doesn’t even mean I think I am ugly. It is just the photo doesn’t capture all of me.
Sometimes when I have taken pictures of my daughter I feel like I have captured so many things in her. Her kindness,love,radiance,good heart.
And yet I think a photo can only tell you so much about a person. A flower,or sunset, the camera can capture. But we are too complex to capture in a photo and I think that is why even with filters I do not see me.
In the photos of me you don’t know the love, the pain, the suffering, or the joy. Even the filters cannot add that.
I suppose my conclusion is that we cannot be filtered and to truly capture me, you would have to know my heart because there I recognize myself.