Not my shame

More of my story, the trauma and where the PTSD comes from

NOT MY SECRET...My story...My truth

*graphic sexual abuse detail trigger warning.

*photograph of me looking in the mirror by me

The things that have been done to me are NOT MY SECRET. The things that have been done to me are also NOT MY SHAME.

“Such shameful things should not be spoken of,” she said.

“You don’t need to tell everyone the nitty gritty of what happened to you,” he said.

”No one wants to know the details of the abuse,” they said.

“You are tarnishing the family name,” she said.

“You are making us look bad,” he said.

“You are going to hell for what you have said,” the wife of the man who abused me said.

Abuse was inflicted upon me. It started when I…

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5 thoughts on “Not my shame

  1. I am so sorry for what they did to you. It breaks my heart. I am glad you realise its not your shame. I was abused between the age of 8 and 11 by a neighbours daughter who was a 14 year old girl and her 18 year old boyfriend. They have damaged me beyond all repair. At least it seems that way. Whatever there was left of me was damaged further by my best friend’s father and my second husband. After 6 years of treatment with a psychotherapist I am able to accept it wasn’t my fault. In this new climate of Me Too there seems to be more people discussing this subject, which must be better for survivors of abuse. I am glad I read this even though it is so sad. It was their shame. Squashy hugs x


    • I started my blog 3 years ago when I first started processing all of these things, how they affected my life daily and the process of trying to heal even a tiny corner of my mind. It has been very very hard. I’ve wavered, gone back and forth with emotions, letting it go then recalling it again and getting angry again. I felt like all of these people took little pieces and I was trying to fix it and fix me with anything possible.
      One day i think ok I’m in a good place feeling the calm and stability and one stupid thing will set me back. That’s why I write though so that others who may be going through it know that someone in the world is out there writing about it and being honest of the impact of it all.
      The metoo was a little hard for me because it came with lots of opinions along with the sharing of stories of abuse. Either way the truth shouldn’t be stifled and we should not be silenced. So I talk about it all.
      Thank you for reading.
      I’m so sorry for what happened to you.
      I’m so sorry those people harmed you.


      • Thank for taking the time to reply. I think you are very brave in all aspects of your life. The time you spent processing the trauma and what happened has made you stronger. I hope to write blogs on my experiences but they won’t be titled MeToo. It will be gradual. Little bits here and there. Nobody in the real world know about any of my websites. I don’t share either of my YouTube sites, my Flickr or my DeviantArt. I shut people out. They have no idea. I think WordPress will be my favourite . Facearse is pretty toxic and it is a front to cover what I am really like inside. I am scared to write what I am really thinking as I get judged the crap out of.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Since you are doing your blog and other sites anonymously maybe you won’t be judged. Facebook is the world of judgment but it seems here on the blog world people are loving and kind and accepting of the results of trauma and willing to listen

        Liked by 1 person

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