I have this terrible sadness for a thousand reasons combined.
I keep feeling the tears coming but I absolutely cannot cry.
I’ve been sick for a few days and for this very moment I can breathe.
If I cry then all the congestion will get worse again.
I thought instead of crying or trying not to cry I would share a little bit of Laney. It’s hard to sum up 14 years of Laney but here is a glimpse:
I was friends with a dog rescue lady named Blue. She took in rescues of the worst kind. She nursed them all back to health. She was an awesome individual. Sometimes when I lose faith in humanity I think of women like her. I’ve come across some pretty phenomenal women in my life. She was one of them. When we decided we wanted to get a dog I knew I would want one from Blue. I went out to her place and had a huge choice. Each in a different state of rehab. Then there was Laney. She was running around jumping in and out of a golf cart. She was yellow and I thought maybe she’d be a lab when she grew up. My husband still reminds me of this! I sucked him in to the yellow blue eyed dog that would be a lab. She ended up being a yellow dog with yellow eyes and was far more like a dingo/fox/ coyote than any lab.
We took her to the vet and he gave her a pretty dismal prognosis. Her kidneys were bad. She had mange. Her immune system was trashed. I just had to have her though.
We tried to crate train her because we were told that was the best way. Yeah…not for Laney. She was not meant to be in a crate. I know some dogs see them as their safe place/den. Not Laney. She was not content and did not let anyone sleep until she was in bed with our daughter. After her mange was treated that is exactly where she went.
She loved to run. She loved to jump.
We have an acre next to us that has rocks piled up. The foxes use it as their den in the spring. The rest of the year Laney ran around that rock pile like it was a track and then ran up the rocks and stood on the top like a cougar.
She loved to hide in the bushes and actually thought we couldn’t see her.
We used to take her to the mile ride through the prairie just so she could run. She would run the full length of the prairie and back with still energy to spare. So then I would take her on a two mile wheelchair run.
Laney was afraid of everything. The ceiling fan, a back pack, a hat, sunglasses, a broom, if you moved the furniture around, if you raised your voice, she was afraid.
She had the same routine every day. She had her backyard agility training time. Her chase the ball time. Her lay in the sun time. Her evening front yard lounge time with us.
The funny things about her…she did not eat her bowl of food. She used to eat a few bites at a time so we always had to have food down for her. Every day when we told her it was time for her walk she immediately ran to her food bowl and ate (which they aren’t supposed to do before a walk but she only ate two bites), then she drank water but didn’t swallow it, she would let it drip out of her mouth all the way to the window where she would stand and look out of. This was an every day occurrence. I would sit in my wheelchair and say HELLO ????as she would be looking out the window. She knew darn well it was time for our walk because I was holding her collar and her leash was attached to my chair. She’d then run to me so fast that her feet would slip on the wood floor and she’d barely move then always slip and fall. WHY?? OMG Lane. She finally got her collar on and then we would go. She pulled so hard on her side of the chair that she would make the tires bald on that side. We got her a gentle leader, a harness, nothing changed. She always felt like she had to pull me. It was a 300 lb wheelchair but she was gung-ho ready to run. So we ran. Well I sped and she ran. We’d stop to talk to a neighbor and she would immediately passout into nap mode right in the road. People would drive by and stare like she was just dead on the side of the road. Nope. She was just napping. It was just her way. All of her 14 years she did the same thing.
She had beds in every room but she always chose to sleep with my daughter. She LOVED my daughter. When my daughter would go away for a week in the summer to visit her grandma, Laney would just sleep in my daughter’s bed and refuse to move or eat. Then my daughter would come home and Laney would ignore her like she was mad for about an hour and then she would cry with joy.
She loved Christmas. We spent most of the morning letting her open her gifts from her stocking and then piling them all in the kitchen on her favorite pink blanket.
I was just looking through my instagram photos of her. I have SO many photos of her. We talked last night about how we always thought we had too many photos of her but now I wish there were more! We have videos that fill up an external hard drive on our computer. Laney was family.
She destroyed basically everything. Every comforter, chair leg, yeah everything. We always said she ended up being the most expensive free dog there ever was.
She liked her hearing protection I’d put on her when she napped because she was scared of sounds. As she got older she loved ice packs on her hips when she hurt. The greatest part of her getting older is she lost some hearing so some of her fears were gone. She obsessed over watching my daughter in her later years. She would often wake up to Lane just staring at her at the end of her bed. She took a photo and we still laugh at the ” you know when you have that feeling someone is watching you and they are!!!”
Laney hated other dogs. They made her so nervous that she would foam at the mouth. We are talking full foam from mouth to the ground like a rabid dog. We tried to do what they tell dog owners to do, socialize them, take them to the dog park. That was not for Lane. She became foam mouth and we had to leave. She was like that 2 year old that bit everyone in the play group. She never bit anyone but she always had that look of MAYBE?
So Laney ran through the prairie, she swam in the lake, she ran on my wheelchair, she played in our acre that was fenced, and she slept with my daughter.
She loved. She loved us so much.
She hated her baths like all dogs. Couldn’t be bathed in the tub or she would claw you to death. So she was bathed in the hose. And she held up one paw like misery! We always felt bad that she shivered. Until…one day we took her to the lake for New Years. We were all in the house and we look out and Lane is out swimming in the middle of the lake and it is FREEZING. She was thrilled. No shivering!!! We were like WHAT!!!!!!!!
All those years of us blowing her dry and putting on her jacket thinking she was traumatized and cold. Nope. She just didn’t like her bath. But we kept blow drying her and putting her jacket on because we don’t know why she hated it.
We don’t know why she was afraid of raised voices or brooms or why other dogs scared her.
Blue told me she had rescued her from a known dog fighting area in town. Something had happened to her. I knew trauma. I knew fear. So we loved her. We paid for expensive trainers and we learned that you can’t take the trauma away. You can just love them. So we loved our Laney. 14 years we loved her.
We still do. We always will.