“The deli guys are not your friends” SoCS Green

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS March 17/18

I was able to drive a very short distance one day a week to get my daughter and me sandwiches. On the way there I stopped to pray at the church. The trip was about 20 minutes round trip depending on how long I prayed.

I met the deli guys right after I had memory loss and could not remember my order each week even though it was the same one. I drove there. They remembered my order and we developed a comfort zone I suppose.

In the last 6 months I have done that drive one day a week.

With out that prep and pray well I never would have been able to take my daughter to the doctor when she had the allergic reaction. So I am thankful that those 6 months worked as they did even if they did not end so well.

Since I saw no other human beings other than on my daily walks around the neighborhood, I often talked to the deli guys.

I had no boundaries and immediately put them in the green. My husband says to keep everyone in the yellow and that way my guard is still up and so they aren’t in the red but not in the green. I didn’t keep them in the yellow. I was so happy to have someone to talk to. I have no idea what it was about this place but I would ramble things I don’t normally do about my frustrations with my memory and my health and my daughter. I can’t tell you why. Maybe because they listened. They seemed to care. They seemed genuinely interested. I put them in the green. One in particular shared some of his life too. The other took my order and we all chatted easily. I looked forward to my pray day and sub sandwich day.

One day in the deli a new coworker overheard our conversation and followed me and my daughter on social media. I felt uncomfortable with that so I called him out on that. He was immediately in the red. I didn’t know this guy! I knew the other two deli guys. I decided this past Monday to as I always do go in to the deli after not going for a few weeks. I felt uncomfortable because of the coworker. But due to my disability it is the ONLY place I can drive to. It was kind of my little solace day of prayer and subs. It probably sounds silly but when you’ve been in the house for 11 years unable to drive, those little things seem big.

I went into the deli and the guy who takes my order had an immediate attitude with me. He was angry I “blocked” him on social media. I informed him that I blocked his coworker because I did not know him but that I thought of US as friends. He quickly showed me his phone and that I was no longer on his friend list. My other friend in the back making my sub told me he knew nothing of this. The attitude of the guy angrily being pissy with me shut me down. I was at a loss of words. Can a customer be treated this way because he thinks I blocked him on social media? So I asked how he got my name in the first place, my last name to even follow me. He showed me how he found it on the computer. Apparently that isn’t against the law. It should be. He could have just waited for me to come in the following monday and asked me my last name and if he could follow me. Instead he looked me up because he knew my first name and his coworker that did not know me looked over his shoulder so he says and got my name too.

I felt pressured. I needed to let him to follow me on social media now or my sub days were over. This guy was obviously pissed. He said he’d fire his coworker if he were there for following me and my daughter and yet it was ok for him to? He even said he thought he’d crossed a line and maybe he’d never see me again. Yet was angry at ME for blocking HIM or so he thought I had. I had just changed my name and made my account private.

But…he was so nice! He listened! He cared! The other guy in the back that had shared personal information with me, I could tell felt bad about what he was witnessing here. But who knows. I’ve been told I am a terrible judge of character. By the same person who just told me “THE DELI GUYS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.”

I put them in the green. I should have kept them in the yellow. Maybe even in the red. I mean why would I just trust two men who worked at a deli and took my order? Was it the seizures and memory loss? No. I have always been this way. I talk to people.

I went to subway the next trip out. The subway guy checking me out told me how tired he was and how his 14 hour day was exhausting. I tried to say nothing. I wanted to say nothing. Had I not learned anything? It’s my nature to be kind though. So I told him I hoped his day got better. Don’t worry. He isn’t in the green.

I thought, if I ever go back to the deli I need to follow the deli guy. If I don’t then I can’t go back. He was already mad. If I call the owner then I can’t go back either because they will all talk….OMG it’s just a deli I KNOW! I just wanted to go back. I wanted that one little piece of my routine to be ok. Nothing stays. Everything changes. I just wanted one little thing. I wanted to chat once a week with the deli guys I put in the green.

I came home and approved him so I could go back to the deli. He then followed my daughter. I cannot stand up for myself. It is a fight I have battled for my life after all of the abuse. I couldn’t do it for me. But for my daughter! What is this social media friend? So if you are friends then that means everything is ok? If you aren’t then what? This is not real life! It’s fucking instagram!!!! I cannot have guys searching out my daughter through me! Ugh this was getting ridiculous all because I somehow thought the deli guys were my friends and due to past abuse CONTINUED issues I freeze!

So, yeah, the deli guys are not my friends.

I won’t be going back to the deli again.

“Friending” is common.

“Apologizing” is not.

When I walked into that deli all he had to do is say he was sorry he and his coworker crossed a line that he knew he did by looking me up on the computer. He didn’t. He was angry. I responded in true Bethany fashion. I disappointed myself.

I will learn from that mistake.

I cannot change the kindness in me.

I can work on keeping people in the yellow and out of the green.

I think I’ve been hurt enough by all of the reds I have encountered in this life.

I wish a green would come to stay.

I wish a green would find it’s way and show me through time and time again that they will be trustworthy.

No more deli guys that aren’t my friends anyway.

I guess Monday will now just be pray days. That’s ok. We will order in!

29 thoughts on ““The deli guys are not your friends” SoCS Green

  1. Waaaaay back in MySpace days, my brother and sister both wanted to be my Number 1 and would get angry because they weren’t. It got so bad that I unfriended them both. My gosh people, it’s social media and doesn’t mean that the world is open to them, just because we talk.
    People really get upset over not being “on the friend list”. hahahaha
    Sorry for your troubles, I just find people funny at times.


  2. Wow these guys sound so creepy. They are certainly not to be trusted. If they are going to be pussy with you over something so trivial when they were in the wrong in the first place, they are not worth knowing.
    Well today my friend Sahara nominated me for a Sunshine Blogger Award. So I in turn nominate you back.
    Here is the link. If you don’t want to do the questions it’s OK. No stress no drama I promise you. No rush either. I just wanted you to have a nomination cos you are lovely and write fantastic blogs.


    • I don’t ever do the blogger nominations but now I want to so I will switch it up and answer the questions here. I think you for your thoughtfulness, your kind words, and thinking of me.

      1. My favorite animal…I don’t have just one! I love the owl who visits me. I loved my dogs. I love dolphins and manatee. I cannot think of an animal that is NOT my favorite. My Jess was my favorite animal though of all times. He was my dog for 14 and a half years. He was loyal, unconditionally loving, and like no other animal or human I have ever met.
      2. My favorite film is Good Will Hunting
      3. If I had a superpower it would be to heal my daughter.
      4. My favorite drink is boringly water.
      5. My first pets were Lily the cat, Sam the cat, Benji the dog, and Frisky the dog. I don’t think I ever had a first pet because we always had so many.
      6. If I had the chance to go back in life and change something it would be being born into another family
      7. If I had 3 wishes…1. For my daughter to be well 2. For all those who have had abuse to be healed and for no abuse or rape to ever happen again to anyone 3. For all children to feel they matter
      8. My favorite item of clothing…my robe! I love this soft pink fluff. I can be fully dressed for the day or ready for bed and I want to have on my robe
      9. If I could only have one last holiday where would I go… To California to see the sequoia trees and watch the sunset over the water
      10. What did I want to be when I grew up…a mother
      11. If I won 10,000 what would I do with it…give half away and get a wheelchair lift on my car with the rest.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I would find it hard to answer a favourite animal too. Manatees are really cool creatures I would love to see one in the wild. I am going on safari in October so I am hoping to see some tigers. Guinea pigs are also one of my favourite critters. My favourite film is Little Shop of Horrors. A healing power would be amazing. I would heal my husband. My favourite drink is mango juice. I don’t drink too much though. My first pet was Goldie the goldfish. Sadly I think I would have been born with my Nan as my mum. I feel for you on that one. I am going to steal your three wishes That genie is going to busy. My favourite item of clothing is my wedding dress. I want to be buried in it. My last holiday would be to India. When I was a child I wanted to be a vet. If I won £10000 I would give it to my two children who are both saving for a deposit for a house. I would love for my two grandchildren to have a little garden to play in.


      • Oh my gosh a safari !!!! I cannot wait to see THOSE pictures. Sounds like a dream to me!!!
        We wanted a guinea pig and we pig sat for someone and I was allergic. We knew it in the first hour but kept them overnight as promised. We were so sad. I had one as a child and loved her so much. My daughter really wanted one.
        I love mangos but have never tried the juice. Now I’m dying to!!! I didn’t know it existed.
        What does your wedding dress look like? Can you post a picture? We ran off and got married in the woods and i wore a white sundress with tennis shoes to walk in the woods then took them off to be married barefooted! I didn’t want any of my family to ruin that moment for me so we did that alone.
        Ah a vet. A vet would be a wonderful thing to be.
        My daughter is living with us so she doesn’t need any money right now but giving it to your children so your grandchildren can have a garden is priceless. We had one when my daughter was little. Grew some cantelope and cucumber and strawberries and lots of flowers.


      • I can’t wait to go on holiday either. I thought this would be my last holiday ever so make it a good one. Hopefully there will be more.
        Oh no you’re allergic to piggies. My son is allergic too. I think it is because he has hay-fever and they roll around in hay all day.
        I love your idea of getting married in the woods and barefoot too. If we renew our vows we would either go on a beach or woods. I will go find some pictures. We got married in a castle which sounds very grand but it wasn’t and then we had a meal at the restaurant just down the road.


  3. Wow! That is just so wrong! If someone wants ANY sort contact over and above face to face, they can damned well ask first and not act all creepy and stalky and *entitled* over it. WTF gives him the right to be angry just because you say no? What scares me more than them friending you and your daughter in the first place is his abusive reaction to having a boundary set. I would definitely block all of them from your and your daughter’s FB profiles, because now that he/they have seen that you will back down under pressure, there’s a high chance they’ll only push those boundaries further. Stay safe 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • I blocked all of them and she did too. It just made for a stressful week that was already stressful due to my husband being gone and earlier having me take her to the doctor after an allergic reaction after not driving that far in 11 years so my little nice trip to the deli was fucking ruined by some ego prick and it upset me greatly because I let myself down.
      Thank you for understanding. For being supportive.
      I feel very pushed over the limit. This was kind of my breaking point as if everything else didn’t already have me there. Now my septic system is broken and we cannot use water!!!!! So….not a good time of it.
      But thank you for caring.
      I don’t have facebook just instagram and I did block them. It just gave me so many triggers that I felt no one would understand. My husband came down hard with me even talking to them in the first place and I feel I let everyone down including myself and that I am just pathetic and weak and so tired of trying to find joy when others just want to take that away. I feel defeated. I have no idea why I am putting this out there publicly but well…I’m so utterly sad that why not.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Since I have PTSD I freeze and cannot speak when I feel intimidated which I did. So I would have stood up for myself and said this ” why do you have an attitude with me when I am the customer and you searched my name and looked me up in your computer for personal reasons??? Why do you get to be rude to me? And question me? When I’m just here for a fucking sub to the only place my body can drive!”
      That is what I would have said.
      I would have calmly asked to have the owner called
      Either way I would not have said nothing.


      • I know the feeling. I didn’t have the guts to tell my husband I wanted a divorce so set it up so he had an affair. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him I didn’t love him any more. I wasn’t brought up to ask for what I wanted, even to hint.


      • You understand then. I wondered if anyone would.
        Thank you very much for sharing this. For understanding.
        It is hard to advocate for ourselves.
        I’m so sorry he cheated on you.
        I wasn’t brought up to speak either.
        Seems cruel to take away someone’s voice.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Me too. Ohhhh me too. Some people are so shocked when they see me express any anger that they insult me with ” but that’s not the Bethany we know” oh you mean the Bethany who lets everyone run over her and say nothing and this Bethany has a voice?


  4. Omg bethany! this guy! He was such a jerk to do that! Its like he knew! He knew your weaknesses. He saw your vulnerability! That is soooo scary! I’m so sorry that happened! Good for you for not going back. hugs. xo


    • He knew it because I rambled on about my memory loss and he knew I was vulnerable because I showed it. But you know what I learned a lot from that after I have had a week or so to ponder over it!
      I posted a video for you on my blog of the birds that are SO loud at this wetlands sanctuary place we go to look at birds


  5. The way some adults carry on about social media is so disturbing. You did the right thing by blocking them, he was just angry because he got caught out and you were not putting up with the bs. Like you said, these guys are not your friends. They should be aware of the necessary boundaries. Smh. Glad that you’re not going back!

    Liked by 1 person

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