How I clear my mind

I have tried many kinds of healing modalities over my lifetime. I’ve tried therapy from cognitive behavior therapy to trauma therapy to talk therapy to hypnosis, etc. I’ve done meditation, yoga, breathing techniques, etc.

I can tell you that everyone has something different that works for them and I see that in the blogs I read and the stories others have shared. What has helped me most in this last year is taking photographs. I have tagged them #photography or #mindfulness but that’s not what it REALLY is.

Taking photographs is a different experience than I have ever had. It is feeling grounded while at the same time being lost in the moment. But not really in the self awareness moment. If I am being truly self aware I would be rolling around on the ground crying and screaming. If I am being truly present then I would feel every ounce of pain this muscle disease, trigeminal neuralgia, lyme disease, and every other thing wrong with me brings. If I stayed in the moment of PTSD then I would not even be in the moment at all, I would be caught in a moment created in a mix of the past and present.

Taking photographs takes me to another place but allows me to feel like the real me. Almost like a spiritual experience where my body isn’t important, my thoughts are not important, and the only thing that really exists is the CONNECTION I have to what is on the other side of the lens.

My blog is titled to represent my healing and whatever it takes to get there. Right now, taking photographs is my only real link to happiness. It is the only moment of the day where I feel a glimmer or a glimpse of the core of my soul being happy. Honestly, every other moment is so filled with anxiety, PTSD, triggers, pain, exhaustion, sadness, despondency, that it would be a disservice to myself to stay in THAT world. I go to bed wishing I didn’t wake up. I wake up happy to go out and find something new.

Today my husband brought home bubbles for me. I told him a few days ago that I wondered what photographing bubbles would be like. It ended up being a family affair because he and my daughter blew the bubbles while I played with the settings on my camera and tried to see what fun things I could create.

We also went on a walk and found this little worm in the air. I could not get him in focus at all. My husband finally reached his hand up in the air behind the worm so I could try to focus on it. I basically only focused on his meaty hard working hand! But I realized that in those moments I was thinking of nothing but that worm!

We later saw a woodpecker. As I was taking pictures of him I thought of nothing but that woodpecker. My head, ears, everything goes completely quiet and it is just that woodpecker and me. The same happens with flowers. The same happened with the fox.

I wanted to share my thought process because I think it is important to know why I post the photos that I do. I am no photographer and don’t claim to be. I just take photographs and I LOVE to share them because it is sharing a moment with others that is so cherished to me. It is a moment that there was only good.

15 thoughts on “How I clear my mind

  1. Photographing bubbles! What a great idea.
    I love the connection you and your family made with each other using bubbles and taking photos. Sounds like a lot of fun. I love that you simply pondered out loud what it would be like to take photos of bubbles and your husband shows up with them. Such a great way to show he listens to you.

    Your description of what it’s like to take photos hits the nail on the head for me too. It’s like getting outside yourself while connecting with something. So even though it’s not a full on dissociation, it’s still this escape from the pain while experiencing the enjoyment. Of course that can depend on your subject, but I’m specifically talking about taking photos of things that are beautiful and bring a smile to the face, like this.

    When I look at your photos, it takes me there. It’s like being transported. I do that with photos in general. I try to feel myself there, where the photo was taken. I imagine what it might look like in the area surrounding the subject too sometimes, if I don’t know it first hand. (I’m not usually right on that though. lol) It’s more fun when they’re photos from someone I know and I consider you someone I know. 🙂 Plus whether you consider yourself a photographer or not, you have the eye to be.

    So about the photos:
    The little worm’s so cute. I love those little inch worms. They’re fun to watch. The reflections from the bubbles are great. I don’t even know how to describe it but it’s beautiful. Imagine floating around inside one of them too.

    Mama fox is gorgeous, looking right at the camera in the one photo and I love how the baby is rolling around in the grass in the other photo, just loving life.

    The woodpeckers are gorgeous with their bright red heads. The one on the ground looks like it’s calling up to it’s mate, “Hey, get down here, I found something I think you’d like to see.”

    Great photos as usual. ❤

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  2. I think it’s so important to find something that can help us leave the space and thoughts of angst, triggers, hurt, fear, whatever and quiet our minds. I found something the other night that did that for me. It was actually after our exchange about your dream about the babies and my post. I don’t watch TV hardly ever but my husband found a show called “The Most Extraordinary Homes” or something like that, and he turned it on for me. I have a degree in interior design and I also love architecture. This show was not a cheesy HGTV-like show (which I also can enjoy sometimes) and the homes they featured were not insane mansions or over the top and embellished rediculously. It was such a pleasant surprise. The music was soothing, the hosts had a good sense of humor (they were British too!) and the exploration of these architectural and well designed gems was SO interesting to me. I don’t work in the design field regularly right now, just freelance work when the opportunity provides itself so this was just food for my soul. I noticed after about 1/2 way through the episode I was calm, happy even, and nourished. I thought to myself that I need to pay attention to these feelings and soak them in. And I need to find time to regularly feed myself this joy. You are doing that with your photos and after you explained your process I just fell in love with them even more! Thank you for sharing this. I always love to see what you see in each of your photos. They are always so beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

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